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day244 | by zoë.noelle
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day244

day two-hundred-and-forty-two.

here is my midterm stop-motion i've been speaking of in my previous posts: "psyche sewn of inquiry"

 

the midterms in drawing class were due today, and due to the "little" mishap of my computer demolishing my almost completed stop-motion i only had time to re-due it and not time to think of what i wanted to say.

and in the morning i jotted some things down really quickly, key points i wanted to mention about it...but i left the paper in my car so when i got to class i didn't have it and thus had a psychological glitch.

it was so dumb.

they were watching my video then it paused to load and my teacher asked me to explain it.....i went completely blank, i wasn't expecting that, i was so out of it due to not sleeping and i'm usually over prepared with what i want to say. i sounded like a illiterate dumb*you know what*

gaaahhh.

which really sucked because there are so many little things in that video that are meaningful.

i ended up gathering my fallen pieces of brain and some-what describing what it was all about.

but not to the extent in which i would have liked to.

then when it was over my teacher started clapping, and everyone else followed that took me by surprise.

but it was so sweet.

anxiety was seeping through my pours.

my gosh.

i hate when it grabs hold of me.

usually i can put on a facade...but this time it was a bit harder because i've never had to experience that situation.

there were SO many people just standing around a tiny computer watching MY work...........work that is somewhat close to me. intimate.

and i've never been there when people look at my work.

i'm always backstage.

that's why i like flickr.

and i'm much better at writing than i am with speaking, i just find words when i'm typing or on paper effortless.

but for some reason when i'm talking they hideaway.

but yeah, i've just never had to experience others looking at my work while i was there.

it was just terrifying, yet liberating.

very liberating.

i was also afraid people wouldn't understand, i think my teacher got it though.

  

i drove up to school around 5 to go to the photo lab so i could press my prints and then my classmate told me another class is in there so it wouldn't be open until 8:30. so i was like gahh, well i'm not going to drive all the way back home and come all the way back so i just went to the library.

then i came over around 7 to check, an then was informed that it was closed on mondays.

....so no pressing prints.

and lots of wasted time.

   

i keep spotting beautiful crimson red leafs on the ground.

they are so inspiring.

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Taken on January 1, 1980