The Pub Is My Womb

"Cigarettes are my food," said

Frank Zappa. And then he died

of testicular cancer. Which came as

no surprise to anyone who'd heard

him wanking in recording studios

for thirty years, but still. Anyone

who names his kid Moon Unit is

plainly asking for his balls to rot

off. Because there is such a thing

as karma. Welcome to the concept

of universal payback.


I quit smoking when I was thirty.

There then followed three years

of medical holocaust. I had a cold

for a year, I developed a terminal

allergy to housedust, my mouth

was ravaged by some hideous

infection that stopped me eating

anything harder than soup, I

collapsed and was kept chemically

unconscious by pain medication

for a mouth, my circulatory system

tried to kill my brain... And this,

understand, is from NOT smoking.


I cannot deny my genetics. I

cannot fight that which was hard-

wired into me by my father's

tea-coloured, nicotine-riddled

seed. You go ahead and pretend

that car fumes are magic stardust

and the greatest threat to life on

earth is cigarette smoke. But

the ineluctable, medical truth of

the matter is that if I do not smoke

I will DIE.


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  • Innamorata Crush 10y

    I didn't read it as I've to dash, but you hot. hehe
  • Innamorata Crush 10y

    LOOK hot. hee
  • sugarfreak PRO 10y

    Hmmm...ever since I quit (this past New Year's Eve) I've been sick...
  • z849322 10y

    i feel that way about sugar and caffeine. i'm fairly certain that without them i will turn into a heap of dust on the floor. time to start a club "future diabetics with heart disease of america"
  • Lauren 10y

    Everytime I light a cigarette I think about how the shit I breath everyday is worse(i live near a waste incinerator and paint plant).

    For me it's always about justification. In the end I figure I'm dying everyday anyway and I like smoking.

    I like the photo.
  • Innamorata Crush 10y

  • Fight Censorship Online and Off...Find Me Elsewher 10y

    Bill Hicks -"I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your fuckin' mouth."

  • Let It Burn 10y

    What's the point of being alive if you're not living?
  • Mandy Matz 10y

    like the backstory... really like the photo. nice.
  • Marcus Metropolis PRO 10y

    Coffee and cigarettes. Besides that and alcohol, what could be more fitting for proper consumption?
  • leslie powell 10y

    Man, your beard has gotten long.
  • eVe Xavier 9y

7 faves
Uploaded on January 27, 2006
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