The Pub Is My Womb

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    "Cigarettes are my food," said
    Frank Zappa. And then he died
    of testicular cancer. Which came as
    no surprise to anyone who'd heard
    him wanking in recording studios
    for thirty years, but still. Anyone
    who names his kid Moon Unit is
    plainly asking for his balls to rot
    off. Because there is such a thing
    as karma. Welcome to the concept
    of universal payback.

    I quit smoking when I was thirty.
    There then followed three years
    of medical holocaust. I had a cold
    for a year, I developed a terminal
    allergy to housedust, my mouth
    was ravaged by some hideous
    infection that stopped me eating
    anything harder than soup, I
    collapsed and was kept chemically
    unconscious by pain medication
    for a mouth, my circulatory system
    tried to kill my brain... And this,
    understand, is from NOT smoking.

    I cannot deny my genetics. I
    cannot fight that which was hard-
    wired into me by my father's
    tea-coloured, nicotine-riddled
    seed. You go ahead and pretend
    that car fumes are magic stardust
    and the greatest threat to life on
    earth is cigarette smoke. But
    the ineluctable, medical truth of
    the matter is that if I do not smoke
    I will DIE.
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    Twosixteen, _Madolan_, Harvard Avenue, and 4 other people added this photo to their favorites.

    1. Innamorata Crush 111 months ago | reply

      I didn't read it as I've to dash, but you hot. hehe

    2. sugarfreak 111 months ago | reply

      Hmmm...ever since I quit (this past New Year's Eve) I've been sick...

    3. z849322 [deleted] 111 months ago | reply

      i feel that way about sugar and caffeine. i'm fairly certain that without them i will turn into a heap of dust on the floor. time to start a club "future diabetics with heart disease of america"

    4. paintedbooklady 111 months ago | reply

      Everytime I light a cigarette I think about how the shit I breath everyday is worse(i live near a waste incinerator and paint plant).

      For me it's always about justification. In the end I figure I'm dying everyday anyway and I like smoking.

      I like the photo.

    5. Fight Censorship Online and Off...Find Me Elsewher [deleted] 111 months ago | reply

      Bill Hicks -"I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your fuckin' mouth."


    6. Let It Burn 111 months ago | reply

      What's the point of being alive if you're not living?

    7. Mandy Matz 111 months ago | reply

      like the backstory... really like the photo. nice.

    8. Marcus Metropolis 111 months ago | reply

      Coffee and cigarettes. Besides that and alcohol, what could be more fitting for proper consumption?

    9. leslie powell [deleted] 111 months ago | reply

      Man, your beard has gotten long.

    10. eVe Xavier [deleted] 110 months ago | reply


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