What does it take to be happy?
I have found that this is a much harder question than my logic says it should be.
Today I am mulling on 'conditioning'. I have 'learned' to be unhappy.
I have spent months clearing out the mental junk and making space. I am no longer riddled with fears. I have faced them and seen that they have no substance. I have equipped myself with the present moment and i have learned to identify my rippling emotions. I have woken up to the nature of illusions and i recognise that i have all i need.
i have found that the light and strength comes from within me not without and i am finding a greater sense of calm and stillness. But.....
Why have i not allowed myself to open the inner door to happiness? Do i still believe in sin? i thought i didn't. I am learning that i need to forgive and forgive and forgive. The practice of forgiving will open me and leave me free of attack, free of weakness and free of fear, free to be strong.
I need to un-learn the habitual pre-disposition to un-happiness. When I was at university one of the lecturers described the brain as an upturned jelly on a plate. Each line of thought is like hot water poured on that jelly. It carves out a route which the next batch of water will quickly follow. The lines of least resistance. For one so skilled at resisting i need to rise up and change the tide and re-claim my natural innate joy.