"My rapist doesn't know he's a rapist"

    Newer Older

    Supposedly from the girl in the photo: "This is my sign. Wow, I continue to be blown away at the tremendous amount of support and positive feedback I've received from this. I'm so grateful, it was hard. I think a big thank you is in order to everyone. Everyone who was at the walk, everyone who organized it, everyone who wished they could have been there, everyone who is taking a stand and not tolerating this rape-culture we live in. Everyone is stronger from yesterday's walk, I know I am. And so is our message. My jaw dropped when I saw your previous post over 67,000 notes on tumblr? I don't even know what to say, I never would have imagined it.Feel free to post it everywhere. My only hope is to bring awareness so no other woman has to go through what I did." (Photograph by Aimei_Photography; I never met this woman, have no connection with her aside from finding this a powerful message.)

    Ellantha, Sereneira, unika2k1, and 22 other people added this photo to their favorites.

    View 3 more comments

    1. silverfern11 44 months ago | reply

      So if you think someone is a police office for wearing the uniform, you treat them with respect? How do you treat a women who you think is wearing a "slut uniform"? Would you like your daughter treated like that when she wears a "slut uniform"? What exactly is a "slut inform" in your culture? Should I wear a burka? Or should I just cover my ankles? Can a man see my hands without having the uncontrollable urge to rape me? What is a good girl uniform? Will it prevent me from getting raped? Do you promise?

    2. lichanmom 43 months ago | reply

      Thank you for taking a stand! Sorry for your pain, thank you for fighting for the right and for trying to end isolation that victims feel. I hope yours is reduced and feel the love and support from everyone! :)

    3. AppleBottoms2012 38 months ago | reply

      thank you. You have already changed my life. Facts are facts. But for some reason violence against women is tolerated and goes unchecked still today!! I want to help you and join the fight!!! I hope to receive my own publicity and public awareness organization !

    4. RubenD 37 months ago | reply

      I guess we know who the Rush Limbaugh fans are.

      Stay strong.

      The idiocy of some folks' words is nothing compared to what you havesurvived.

    5. randomlurker1 37 months ago | reply

      It was absolutely her fault. Precautions could have been taken on her part to ensure that she was not taken advantage of. She dressed provocatively, decided to drink, and decided (though not in her right mind) to fuck a total stranger. Who is at fault? Is it the horny twenty year old male who could of possibly been just as drunk? Is it society? Or is it the bartenders fault for serving her drinks in the first place? The problem now days is no one wants to be held accountable for their actions, and find it more convenient to push the blame on to somebody else. This consensual "rape" is entirely her fault.

    6. lookhowtheyshine 37 months ago | reply

      Her fault? are you kidding me? if you can't control your self around a girl who isn't covered head to toe then YOU are the one to blame if you rape her and it is NOT HER FAULT you fucking sicko. And there is no such thing as "consensual" rape you moron. Consensual sex doesn't end up with you alone in a parking garage. And last time I checked if you are drunk you cannot give consent, everyone knows that including the asshole who raped her.

    7. Motherafrica 36 months ago | reply

      "My rapist doesn't know he's a rapist" - Unless he's completely ignorant of the law, he's not a rapist under the eyes of law
      "You taught him it was my fault. I drank too much, flirted, and my shorts too short" - Under the law he's not a rapist. I got really drunk and flirted with him and dressed slutty.
      "I was asking for it" - hard to tell if she's saying she literally gave consent or not, but it will become clearer as we go on
      "My (ex)boyfriend spit in my face. He called me a slut, he called me a whore." - I cheated on my boyfriend and he called me a slut and broke up with me. Had she actually been raped, any normal guy would not have called her a slut or a whore.
      "I deserved it." - The sex was consensual (at the time at least), otherwise she would not deserve being called a slut or whore
      "My friends gave me dirty looks. They called me trash, not realizing, it could have been them." - if she had been legitimately raped, this is the last thing her friends would have been doing
      "This culture, your culture, my culture,, told them, told me, this was my fault." - the laws in our society dictate that I was not raped.
      "And I suffered" - I regretted my actions later
      "But my rapist doesn't know he's a rapist" - because he's not.

    8. abhayakimini 35 months ago | reply

      @Motherafrica. You forgot the most important thing she said. 'I drank too much' Because under the law, it says you cannot LEGALLY consent to sex under the influence. Besides, her saying 'I deserved it' is a DIRECT result from self blame which happens a lot from rape. Tell me, you wise one, you. I wonder, The Mona Lisa...such a piece of beauty, a masterpiece in itself. I think anyone would agree. It's behind a bullet proof case, much like the woman above was behind her alcohol (and clothes for that matter) What would you say to someone who broke the glass and stole it? It was her fault? She asked for it? Because she's beautiful? You are so ignorant. It is people like you (close minded) that people like us (survivors) have no chance in hell to change the future. We have GOT to start teaching men to RESPECT women, no matter how they dress, what they say or how they act. Women are of beauty and art and other women should up lift her sisters, not bring them down. The laws in our society dictate that she WAS raped, you idiot. Check your facts, then check your mouth. He doesn't know he's a rapist because he wasn't brought up to respect women. Stupid people irritate me. No wait, not stupid. Sorry. IGNORANT.

    9. slavicroyalty 35 months ago | reply

      lol somebodys mad

    10. buckeichler 34 months ago | reply

      MotherAfrica, you are not wrong, you are absurdly wrong. You rewrite the statements to make your case.
      The woman was raped. She did not consent. "I was asking for it" is what people say because of the way she dressed, and flirted. They are wrong. That's the point. She can dress any way she wants, she can flirt as much as she wants. That does not give someone permission to force themselves on another.
      I hope you get that.

    11. harpyharpoon 34 months ago | reply

      I've been raped twice, both times while drunk. First time I crashed at a friend's flat, she told me to take her flatmate's bed - he wasn't supposed to be home. I still woke up with him on top of me. Is that my fault for letting myself be put in that situation? The second time I'm guessing I was walking home from the cast party. I was drunk, I don't know how I got to his room or why I went up there with a stranger. All I remember was 'coming to' sometime near the end and feeling so disbelievingly numb when he showed me the door. Was that my fault? I know I get flirty when I drink, more as a happy-tipsy-friendly thing, nothing serious. My friends know this, they don't take it seriously. But does that mean that if a stranger comes along and takes that the wrong way it's my fault? Do they get to ignore any protest I make, if I'm capable of protesting, because I'm drunk and wearing a mini skirt?

    12. keps3 31 months ago | reply

      Right- this is ridiculous. This woman was an adult who chose to act in a certain manner whilst wearing skimpy clothes and drinking a substance she would have know would make her drunk. She would have known EXACTLY what message she was sending. Then she had sex, inhibitions gone, but by HER own doing - He never forced her to drink until she was at the point where she would make bad decisions...

      True, a gentleman wouldn't have sex with a woman who had got herself into that state, but that makes this guy a bit of a dick... NOT A RAPIST! We've all had the 'moment of clarity' bit where we sober up and regret what we've done, but that doesnt make it someone elses fault. I would happily put down all my money that this slut would have dumped her BF in a fucking heartbeat if the tables were turned.

    13. keps3 31 months ago | reply

      First time, rape. Second time, not rape.

      Simple difference is consent. If you were so drunk that you were unable to give consent you were raped. If you go home with someone you don't know because you were drinking you were sluttish. What both of these situations have in common though, is the fact that you allowed yourself to drink to the point of stupidity. You are in part responsible for both of these situations, to varying degrees... If you cannot handle your drink it is your responsibility to not drink so much, not the rest of the worlds responsibility to babysit you.

    14. Zsnapz 31 months ago | reply

      @ keps3 How can one determine if a person is too drunk to give consent? Sometimes people black out, and still walk around and communicate even though it is obvious that they are wasted. Even if we were to assume that she should know what kind of "message" she was sending, the man still took advantage of her and the situation. And the only bad decision she made was drinking in the company of someone with no integrity.

      If you get drunk and the woman you are with takes all your money and credit cards from your wallet, would that make her a thief or a "bit of a dick"?

      And if she would have dumped her boyfriend in a heartbeat if he had been raped by a woman while he was drunk, doesn't that just reinforce her point that we live in a rape culture that likes to blame the victim? Men can get raped, too.

    15. sassenach13 30 months ago | reply

      Girls who cry "Rape" when they mean "Regret", and those who encourage this mentality, are doing just as much harm to ACTUAL rape victims as the rapist themselves.
      I am a woman, and I agree that this case is not rape. Sorry, but just because you make bad decisions and then have to face unpleasant consequences, does not mean you were raped. This is an insult to ACTUAL rape victims and harmful to society to teach that girls bear no responsibility for their own choices. Rape involves FORCE. It involves sex after a girl says no.

      If a girl has sex and later regrets it, it is NOT rape.
      If a girl and guy are drunk TOGETHER and both feel desire and make a bad decision to have sex, it is NOT rape.
      If a girl feels used b/c she didn't say no, it is NOT rape.
      If a guy dumps a girl right after sex, and her feelings are hurt, it is NOT rape.
      If a girl has sex, and everyone calls her a slut, it is NOT rape.

      Being a jerk and being a rapist are NOT the same things.

      Most people at some point in their lives make stupid decisions they regret or experience unintended consequences of stupid decisions. This trend to say a women who makes a stupid decision bears no responsibility for it is just insulting to everyone. Do you think men never regret drunk sex? The same people who want to call it rape if a girl and guy are both drunk scoff at the idea that if the guy is drunk and the girl is sober could also be rape. They make empty arguments about imbalance of power, blah, blah, blah but if he is falling down drunk and she is sober she has better decision-making power and the power to walk out....If a guy gets drunk and uses FORCE on a girl who says no, then, and only then, is it rape.

      Our society is teaching our girls they bear no responsibility for their own decisions and tries to make straight males out to all be evil rapists if they feel normal desire.

      There is an ongoing campaign and aggressive initiatives to make every female believe she has been sexually assaulted in some way.
      If this girl had been actually raped, rather than gotten drunk and made a bad decision, her boyfriend and friends wouldn't have turned on her...and her rapist would have been arrested. Her poster says it all....she says society says she wasn't raped, which means it was investigated and determined to be an act of regretful sluttery, not a rape.

    16. RissyMel 29 months ago | reply

      The comments on this are absolutely disgusting. Were you there the night she was raped? Did you see it happen? No. No, you weren't. You don't even know this girl and you are saying she was acting like a slut. This is rape culture people, it's people like this that give the idea that if someone is drunk enough and does not explicitly give consent, it's not rape. What if she had blacked out? NOT CONSENT. How is it that the rape victims are blamed when it's the rapist that forced this upon her? Her poster is telling everyone what society thinks, and that is that a girl deserves to be raped based on her clothing. If I have the reputation of being a slut does that mean I am asking to be raped? No. If someone does not give consent, it is rape. No question. This culture is basically saying that men cannot control themselves when they see a drunk girl in a short skirt. You are saying that it's the woman's fault because men are unable to control their actions. This is disgusting.

    17. jessij5 27 months ago | reply

      Of course men should respect women. That's a given. The real issue here is, where do you (as a woman) draw the line for yourself? Going out wearing close to nothing, then getting drunk, flirting, and ending up with a guy taking advantage of you....of course its rape and its a terrible and increasingly common, disgusting crime. But what if that night, she decided to wear something that didn't show off as much of her body, didn't drink as much which would have helped her avoid the dud-guys and didn't flirt while drunk?

      The fact is, we live in an imperfect society where each choice you make has to be carefully considered. It's like sending your kid off to school without training him how to cross roads safely, and expect cars won't run him over when he walks out in front of them. It's come to the point where (some) men need 'retraining'. Many have become so desensitized by porn (which is a very common addiction among men) that they allow themselves self-gratification without self-control. It has become a type of mental illness; who in their right mind would rape somebody else? The fact is, they're in their 'wrong' mind.

      So it's come to more than just "men should respect women even if their flirting with them while naked!" yes, they should. But for the sake of your own protection from men who can no longer control themselves because they have a serious problem, we have to up the standard and NOT accept men who think they can treat women however they want. As women, we should demand they change. And how do we do that? By showing them that we're serious and changing ourselves with the way we act, drink, speak and dress. By proving we're worth more than just an up-and-down gawk.

      And believe it or not, it's not a drastic change. All it is, is drinking until we can feel that if we have another we won't be able to walk straight, dressing in skirts that come down just a bit longer than under our butt, wearing tops that leave a little to the imagination so that it's not the only place a guy will look while in conversation and speaking with dignity.

      More often than not, when you start to lose your ability to be in full control of your actions due to alcohol, you wake up regretting your actions the next morning - whether its a one-night-stand, acting immaturely or God forbid, a man takes advantage of you. By women respecting themselves and their bodies, in the way they speak, act and dress, they would help enable men to raise their standard (if it needs raising) that women deserve.

      Just to make sure I'm not misunderstood - it is NEVER ok for a guy to take advantage of a woman no matter what she wears or how she acts, but it IS up to a woman to make sure she takes the precautions necessary to protect herself in this crazy world. And in the meantime, we should be helping men change the way they look at us.

    18. Ihearts nick jonas 25 months ago | reply

      a girl should be able to wear whatever the fuck she wants without being raped. She should also be able to get as drunk as she wants without having to worry about some guy taking advantage of her. It's rape.

    19. jessij5 17 months ago | reply

      And that attitude of condoning indecency is where the problem starts...we get the point, everyone gets the point: men should not rape women no matter what. But going that step further and saying that women should dress like sluts and get as drunk as they want? What kind of women are you trying to promote in society? Why can't women treat their bodies with respect?

      If you don't know already, almost every serial killer and rapist has had an addiction to porn. What is porn? Women (and usually women who were abused themselves) whose bodies are used to satisfy mans sexual urges. The pleasure center part of the brain - the same part that is used for drug and alcohol addictions - is also the part that is used when men get aroused from watching porn (or having sex etc). This part of the brain reinforces the desire for us to perform the same pleasurable action again. Now, this would have minimal damaging effects on the brain if this action consisted of normal sex. But the problem is that porn has become more unrealistic, more violent and more degrading to women than ever before.

      So what does this mean for us? It means that some men (and there are astounding numbers addicted to porn) can no longer think rationally about sex. It means that they need help to reform their brains around it. But at the same time, it means that we, as women, can't simply wave our arms in the air and demand we don't be raped - it's too late for that now. We have to make a change. Whether it's demanding there are more restrictions on porn or dressing and acting in a way that won't excite such men as those. Whether anybody likes it or not, we live in a society where sex is labelled as just another activity - something to 'do'. And most people - women and men - treat it and talk about it as if it means nothing. But that is far from the truth. It's scientifically proven that with each man a woman has sex with, she forms a new neurological connection, and each time she has sex with a new partner, that connection is not lost but interrupted with a new one and because of this sex becomes less and less enjoyable overtime. But besides from that, there is specifically for a women, an emotional connection that forms.

      So my point in all this is that as soon as we raise our standards and make the point that sex DOES mean something, we will be more choosy about how we dress, act and drink. Why? Because we won't be open for sex with just anybody so we won't have to dress or act like we are. Women make the mistake in believing that if they make themselves available for sex with a guy, somehow that guy will show them love - or they mistake meaningless sex for some form of love. We need to realise that this isn't the case and we need to make men see that we're worth a little more effort. What woman wouldn't want to see a man hold himself back out of love for her? This is the real kind of love we should be promoting in the world. Not this concept that women need to dress slutty to attract a man, but that a real man will be attracted to the mystery of a woman in her dignity and respect of her body and soul. Only when we try to live by that standard will men want to follow - because they'll have something worth fighting for.

    keyboard shortcuts: previous photo next photo L view in light box F favorite < scroll film strip left > scroll film strip right ? show all shortcuts