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Ian & Rachel take a weekend trip to Charleston SC in February of 2016

Under the Eaves

Dan y Bargod

 

Listen, girl – I am locked out

And sick for love, torn by doubt –

Show yourself and sulk no more,

Dour behind your bolted door.

By Mair! I’ll gnash teeth and wail

Should your falsity prevail!

 

Clammed with cold, three times I tapped

(Your knocker broke); I listened rapt

For your footfalls. I’m fearing

That my girl’s hard of hearing.

Morfudd! Open now in haste!

No use claiming to be chaste!

Warm within? I quake without.

Are you deaf! Why, then I’ll shout!

A windy night brings ruin, wrack:

Pity this insomniac!

Have a heart! Grim is my plight!

Wind howls in wrath tonight,

Torrents cascade from the eaves.

My yearning flesh – how it grieves –

Now there’s sleet, the air frigid

Blows on me, frozen rigid.

It’s not that I’m soft or nesh –

Merely made of mortal flesh.

I watch – you left me in the lurch –

There never was a colder perch

Than this: it’s less dank and wet

In Caernarfon’s oubliette!

 

I would not endure this gale

For any joy but your pale

Alluring form – nor the rain –

Only you are worth the pain,

And I alone have such love

To bear the elements above,

For only I assay your worth:

A glimpse of you costs the earth.

 

While I tremble in this mire,

In your slippers by the fire

You sit within. A wraith is all

That awaits without your wall:

My true soul has come inside.

It’s wondrous that I haven’t died

With waiting. I live, I cope,

By mortgaging my one hope:

 

Where are you? I plead and kneel.

Lift the latch: we made a deal!

 

Source material: Dafydd ap Gwilym, paraphrased by Giles Watson. Rachel Bromwich has suggested that this poem is an early Welsh appropriation of the serenade genre, appropriated from 13th century Spanish and Italian poems. If so, then the self-irony so evident throughout the poem is compounded by its Welsh setting: serenades may have been songs of loving complaint, but they were intended to be performed in a Mediterranean climate. The reference to Caernarfon castle may have carried specific contemporary reference: it is possible that some well known Welsh personality was languishing in the dungeon there, since the fortress was an imposing bastion of English rule. The poem is, of course, a blatant attempt to win the affections of a married woman, and thus also draws on earlier troubadour traditions, but this is not to say that the situation is entirely fictitious. There are hints in some of Dafydd’s other poems that Morfudd was beaten by her husband Eiddig.

 

~~William Styron, interview, Writers at Work, 1958

 

Some of the books I've got through this summer. All the Pretty Horses was the highlight of the summer and am half through reading it again, it was so beautifully written, please do try and read it if you get a chance - I can promise you won't be disapointed.

© Lightning Photography/Lee Smith. Please contact me if you would like to use this image for any purpose. Any unauthorized usage will result in legal action.

 

I did a photo session with my gorgeous cousin Rachel and her mum/my Aunt in an S&M Dungeon for advertising the business, this was taken while waiting for her mum to get ready.

 

If you want to see the Dungeon images = YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR FLICKR SETTINGS SO YOU CAN VIEW MODERATE IMAGES AS THERE ARE BREASTS OUT :)

 

Rachel works/performs as a Stripper, and from what I hear she and her mate are a very classy act :)

 

Taken with my new 85mm f1.4 :)))) I managed to pick one up second hand for £580 all boxed as it came, so traded in my Sigma 105mm f2.8 EX DG Macro & £400 :))))

 

Strobist:

D300 in comander mode.

1 SB600 cam left in a 24" softbox in TTL mode.

1 SB600 cam right in a 24" softbox in TTL mode.

Both close in and up high.

 

Nikon D300 | 85mmf1.4 | ISO200 | f2 | 1/125th

Back from the Dungeon | At Old Sarum | January 31, 2010 | Canon EOS 5D Mark II | ¹⁄₆₀ sec at f/5.6 100

Saturday at Hamleys, in the Hamley's dungeon

© Lightning Photography/Lee Smith. Please contact me if you would like to use this image for any purpose. Any unauthorized usage will result in legal action.

 

I did a photo session with my gorgeous cousin Rachel and her mum/my Aunt in an S&M Dungeon for advertising the business, this was taken while waiting for her mum to get ready.

 

If you want to see the Dungeon images = YOU NEED TO CHANGE YOUR FLICKR SETTINGS SO YOU CAN VIEW MODERATE IMAGES AS THERE ARE BREASTS OUT :)

 

Rachel works/performs as a Stripper, and from what I hear she and her mate are a very classy act :)

 

Taken with my new 85mm f1.4 :)))) I managed to pick one up second hand for £580 all boxed as it came, so traded in my Sigma 105mm f2.8 EX DG Macro & £400 :))))

 

Strobist:

D300 in comander mode.

1 SB600 cam left in a 24" softbox in TTL mode.

1 SB600 cam right in a 24" softbox in TTL mode.

Both close in and up high.

 

Nikon D300 | 85mmf1.4 | ISO400 | f2.8 | 1/125th

The Colassal Red Dragon I ordered from Amrazon finally arrived. I lined it up next to the other Dragons for comparison. My friend Rachel also suggested putting another object for reference, so I decided to use my D&D movie DVDs ;-)

 

Children’s Playhouse of Maryland to present Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast, Jr.”

1 pm, Dec. 7-8, 14-15, 21-22 and 4 pm Dec. 15, CCBC Essex

 

The Children’s Playhouse of MD, in residence at CCBC Essex, will perform Disney’s Beauty and the Beast, Jr. the weekends of Dec. 7-8, 14-15, 21, and 22 at 1 pm in the Administration Building Lecture Hall at CCCB Essex, 7201 Rossville Boulevard. On Dec. 15, an additional 4 pm. performance will be given. The Dec. 7 performance will include American Sign Language interpretation by students of the CCBC Interpreter Preparation program. All tickets are $10 and can be ordered in advance by calling the CCBC Box Office at 443-840-ARTS (2787) or online at www.cpmarts.org. Group rates are available. Tickets will be sold at the door, space permitting. Advanced purchase is highly recommended.

In this version of the classic fairy tale, the lovely and well-read young Belle yearns for something more than her small-town life. Her father, Maurice, finds himself lost in the woods on the way to a local fair. He seeks shelter in an enchanted castle that houses a horrible Beast and is locked in the dungeon. To save her father Belle takes his place, and over time, finds there is more to the Beast than meets the eye.

This CPM production features 50 student actors from Baltimore City, Baltimore County, and Harford County. Nicole Smith of Timonium appears as Belle with Peter Pferdeort of Essex as the Beast. Other featured roles include John Endres of Baltimore (Gaston), Will Foohey of Pikesville (Lefou), Tiffany Flaharty of Bel Air (Madame Grande la Bouche), Victoria Caldwell of Joppa, Ilyssa Rubin of Reisterstown, and Rachel Miller of Baltimore (Silly Girl), Sheridan Merrick of Baltimore (Mrs. Potts), Yaki Weingarten of Pikesville (Cogworth), Gracie Aubele of White Marsh (Chip), Nina Cicero of Street (Babette), Philip Merrick of Baltimore (Lumiere) and Max Wolf of Parkville (Maurice).

Supporting cast members are: Matthew Boyd and Zachary Byrd of Arbutus, Louise Baron, Ava Correlli, Julia Egan, Eva Hellerback, Gwen Lowell and Devonte Tasker of Baltimore, Nicole Arrison of Bel Air, Samantha Jenkins of Cockeysville, Katie Levey and Maria Reeves of Jarrettsville, Sophia Thrappas of Kingsville, Carley Groves, Emma Hester, Sammy Jungwirth and Emily Ricci of Nottingham, Megan Davis of Parkton, Autumn Cole, Clara Guston, Allison Mudd, Allison Naglieri, and Catie Zimmer of Parkville, Allie Sullivan of Phoenix, Angela Boeren and Kate Lutz of Rosedale, Ely Shilling of Timonium, William Macsherry and Maia Vong of Towson and Olivia Aubele, Wesley Brown, Brooke Marriott, Brendon Morrison and Dylan Morrison of White Marsh.

 

Liz Boyer Hunnicutt is the Director, Julie Parrish, the Musical Director and Amanda Dickson, the Choreographer.

 

All performances are held in the Administration Building Lecture Hall, located near parking lot 4 at CCCB Essex. The Lecture Hall is a wheelchair-accessible facility. Please request accommodations at the time of ticket purchase. For more information, please call the Box Office, or the CPM Administrative Office at 443-840-2426. For directions, go to www.ccbcmd.edu.

Children’s Playhouse of Maryland, Inc. is a not for profit community theatre dedicated to youth performers ages 18 and under.

# # #

 

About the Community College of Baltimore County (www.ccbcmd.edu)

CCBC offers hundreds of programs and thousands of courses helping people of all ages, backgrounds and interests earn degrees, transfer, launch or advance careers, and prepare for in-demand jobs.

Providing accessible, affordable and high-quality education since 1957, CCBC educates more than 70,000 students each year, including half of all Baltimore County residents attending college in Maryland as undergraduates. Committed to student success and the development of lifelong learners who strengthen our regional workforce and enrich our community, CCBC has also been selected to participate in Achieving the Dream, a national student success initiative. In 2011, the Chronicle of Education honored CCBC as one of only 26 community colleges across the nation named “Great Colleges to Work For.”

CCBC is accredited by the Middle States Commission on Higher Education, 3624 Market Street, 2nd Floor West, Philadelphia, PA 19104 (267-284-5000). The Middle States Commission on Higher Education is an institutional accrediting agency recognized by the U.S. Secretary of Education and the Council for Higher Education Accreditation.

CCBC. The incredible value of education.

 

Ian & Rachel take a weekend trip to Charleston SC in February of 2016

Identifier: pedlarspack00holm

Title: A pedlar's pack

Year: 1906 (1900s)

Authors: Holmes, Daniel Henry, 1851-1908

Subjects:

Publisher: New York, E.D. North

Contributing Library: The Library of Congress

Digitizing Sponsor: The Library of Congress

  

View Book Page: Book Viewer

About This Book: Catalog Entry

View All Images: All Images From Book

 

Click here to view book online to see this illustration in context in a browseable online version of this book.

  

Text Appearing Before Image:

ave him Leah the wife of his home,I gave him Rachel the bride of his soul, That he might stand in all time to come, In the flesh, in the spirit, a king made whole;32 But Sleep which closes the just mans eyesWith soft pure hands, he has never seen. His soul is black with the olden lies, And Peace may not dwell in a heart unclean. But thou whose flesh and soul I have tried,As virgin gold in the furnace flame, Whom I made to walk dark ways, besideBlind grief, and hand in hand with shame, Till in flesh and soul thou art cleansed of allBase manhood, and tempered strong and true, Thou Son of Mine Anger, on thee I call—Do thou this work which I may not do. He hears, and the clinched red hands unclasp,The hard stern eyes grow suddenly sweet. He stoops, and lifts in his hairy graspThe prostrate brother beneath his feet. So stands Red Esau—the Pardoner—etchedUpon the sands, at the suns new birth, With head uplifted, and arms outstretched. . . .The Cross, as first it was seen on the Earth.

 

Text Appearing After Image:

DANIEL Like a condors wings, in their huge, still sweep, The brazen portals asunder unfold,The lurid flare of the torches creep, Like serpent tongues, through the Lions Hold. A hurtle of arms as the soldiers halt,A hissing curse from the hungry priests, Then, the bolts ring shrill on the grim basalt,And the Prophet stands at bay with the beasts. The viscous walls of the dungeon, asweatWith blood, and with rotting things alight, Rise sheer to their far-away parapet,In the hollow black of tropical night. In the core of the pit, upon his breast With folded arms—Ins feet unshod,His face uplift to the Stars of Rest He stands alone, and looks at God. He can hope no ruth, he will crave no grace,Let them do their worst, he is well content, And he stares, with Death grinning in Ins face,With eyes unflinching, with brows unbent.34 About the walls, like a noiseless tide, In foam-flecked eddies that fade and loom, The lissome shadows unceasing glide: They are close at hand, the slaves of Doom.

  

Note About Images

Please note that these images are extracted from scanned page images that may have been digitally enhanced for readability - coloration and appearance of these illustrations may not perfectly resemble the original work.

Suckered by the liberal propaganda machine into buying a Crapple MacIntrash..

 

Why is this a bad thing? There is only 1 computer lab that supports Mac on campus, hidden deep within the bowels of some dungeon somewhere. Yet, the University HIGHLY stresses the NEED for a MAC.

 

If you want to go to the library and do research, please do not bring your Mac formatted disks or hardware, they are not supported or welcomed.

Ian & Rachel take a weekend trip to Charleston SC in February of 2016

Plot

Young farmer Eragon (Speleers) finds a dragon’s egg, and teams up with the newborn dragon, Saphira (Weisz), a former Dragon Rider (Irons) and a hot female Elf (Guillory) to tackle an evil king (Malkovich).

 

Review

  

The next time a dragon movie script lands in Jeremy Irons’ lap, he should throw the goddamn thing out the window because, after this lifeless monster and the risible Dungeons & Dragons, it’s clear that winged beasts and he don’t mix. And yet he’s still the best thing in Eragon, which may have something to do with having the good sense to check out early.

 

If you think that’s a spoiler, it really isn’t, because Eragon is a derivative and damp re-spin of all those old fantasy epics that owe a debt to Joseph Campbell’s The Hero Of A Thousand Faces. It often feels like a cheap Vegas Star Wars tribute act, albeit with a dragon playing the Millennium Falcon. Want a wet-blanket blond farmboy hero? You got it. Hell, he even has a disposable uncle and a sunset to mope at. How about a wise old wizard who sets our hero on the path to power before pegging it? Yep, that’s here too. A feisty princess who gets imprisoned early on and has to be rescued? Take a wild guess.

 

It’s easy to lay all the blame at the door of Christopher Paolini, who wrote the source novel when he was 15 — and it shows. But it’s director Stefen Fangmeier who’s the real culprit. A former ILM FX supervisor, his first directing job betrays his origins, as he shows more interest in the CG dragon, Saphira (a passable, but not photo-real achievement) than he does in conjuring a fresh take on fantasy. This is the sort of movie where you know the villain (John Malkovich) is evil because he broods on his throne in a dark, cavernous room. Plot holes abound, and it’s moribund visually; if it weren’t for the number of sweeping shots of blokes barrelling along on horseback, the movie would be 18 minutes long.

 

As for Fangmeier’s treatment of his non-CG actors, they’re hung out to dry with type-this-shit-but-you-can’t-say-it dialogue like, “Taste the blood of your dragon!” Malkovich became a parody of himself long ago, but it’s hard not to feel a shiver of pity for Robert Carlyle, who seems to be fighting the urge to sack his agent through every soul-crushing scene. As for Edward Speleers, the Brit newcomer in the title role, he’s game enough, but sadly also pretty gormless, his blank stare multi-tasking furiously as it brings us barely discernible variations on happy, sad and heroic.

 

Ultimately, with a human hero it’s impossible to invest in and a CG dragon that doesn’t invite awe (it doesn’t help that Rachel Weisz phones in her turn as Saphira’s voice), Eragon just doesn’t catch fire. Kids may love it, and it may do big business, but let’s hope not, because that may be the only thing that can stop the sequel from spreading a dark and terrible shadow over this once proud and prosperous land.

Verdict

Technically competent, but essentially a fantasy movie that mistakes industrial light for magic. As dragon movies go, Dragonslayer, Reign Of Fire and even Dragonheart can rest easy.

 

Awarded 1 star = tragic

Reviewer: Chris Hewitt Empire Magazine

  

Besides serving in defense, another function of Fort Christianvaern was to serve as a jail. Justice in Christainsted could simply be described as medieval, and especially cruel to slaves. The dungeon, shown here immediately beneath the the barracks, was reserved for the worst criminals, mainly slaves accused of murder, arson or insurrection. Other cells held runaway slaves, and after emancipation in 1848, drunkards. On the top floor held whites imprisoned for various offenses, including Rachel Faucette, the mother of future American Sec of Treasury and Founding Father Alexander Hamilton, on charges of bigamy.

Christiansted National Historic Site, Christiansted, St. Croix, US Virgin Islands, United States

Rachel, Steven,Hannah,Johanna and me at the edinburgh dungeons halloween 2009

 

Worthing Theatres Listings 2015

 

FEB

 

SECRET LOVE - THE LIFE AND MUSIC OF DORIS DAY

Acclaimed jazz singer and West End actress, Claudia Morris, is joined by a 4-piece band in a celebration of Doris Day. Claudia explores the similarities between her life and the icon she has revered for many years in an evening of music and reminiscence. Expect plenty of laughs, a few tears and some surprises. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, THU 19 FEB 7.30PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16499947371/sizes/l

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16315402099/sizes/l

 

ALAN CARR

Alan Carr will be visiting Worthing as he yaps his way around the UK & Ireland with his brand new stand up show 'Yap, Yap, Yap!' The BAFTA and British Comedy Award winning comedian, author and chat show supremo returns to his stand up roots with his hilarious take on life. ASSEMBLY HALL, FRI 20 FEB 8PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16501741265/sizes/l

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16500729852/sizes/o/

 

THE BLUES BAND

Paul Jones, Dave Kelly, Rob Townsend, Gary Fletcher and Tom McGuinness perform their latest set, recreating many songs from their classic performance at Rockpalast, a live TV show from Germany transmitted across Europe. They appear in an evening of spirited blues with a peerless pedigree from the finest bluesmen in Europe. PAVILION THEATRE, SAT 21 FEB 7.30PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16501798785/sizes/l

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/15879233744/sizes/l

 

MR SOLE ABODE

Mr Sole Abode is a world-renowned architect, a master chef and an outlandish inventor who lives in a fridge under a bridge. Infused with explosive physicality, touching humour, ingenious design and live music, Mr Sole Abode explores sanity and madness, inviting you to see the world through the eyes of a homeless man. It was inspired by Ben Okris' award-winning novel The Famished Road and David Bohm's writings on the nature of reality. CONNAUGHT STUDIO, SAT 21 FEB 7.30PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16306227496/sizes/o/

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16330405081/sizes/l

GIRL WITH A PEARL EARRING

Girl with a Pearl Earring and other treasures of the Mauritshius, the Netherlands. After two years on a blockbuster world tour, Girl with a Pearl Earring has returned home to the much-loved Mauritshuis gallery in The Hague. The enduring appeal of this masterpiece is indisputable. This beautifully filmed documentary goes in pursuit of the many unsolved riddles surrounding it and its mysterious creator, Vermeer. Who was the girl? Why and how was she painted? Why is the picture so revered? CONNAUGHT STUDIO, MON 23 FEB 6.30PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/15881662893/sizes/l

 

ROYAL OPERA HOUSE: THE FLYING DUTCHMAN (DER FLIEGENDE HOLLANDER)

Live from the Royal Opera House. Wagner's first masterpiece explores the themes of damnation and redemption that would fascinate the composer throughout his career. In this tale of a captain forced to sail the seas for eternity unless released by the faithful love of a good woman, and the lonely girl who longs to save him, Wagner created two unforgettable characters operating near the limits of human emotion. CONNAUGHT CINEMA, TUE 24 FEB 7.15PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16500135491/sizes/l

 

CODE BREAKERS: THE STORY OF ENIGMA

Hot on the heels of Benedict Cumberbatch's starring role in The Imitation Game, Dr Mark Baldwin presents a fascinating talk about the allied codebreakers of Bletchley Park during WWII. Their work intercepting and decoding German secret messages with the Enigma Machine provided intelligence which is thought to have shortened the war by two years. CONNAUGHT STUDIO, THU 26 FEB 7.30PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16500161341/sizes/l

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/15881746343/sizes/l

 

JENNY ECLAIR

Jenny Eclair was the first woman to win the coveted Perrier Award and hasn't stop banging on about it ever since. She still gigs regularly and has teamed up with Hot Bed to support local acts. Support includes Emily Barden, a singer-songwriter, Marion Sharville, a comic poet and Liz Verlander, a comic poet. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, FRI 27 FEB 7.30PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16315682879/sizes/l

 

THE SENSATIONAL 60s EXPERIENCE

This is a show not to be missed. For one night only, six legendary names deliver to you a night never to be forgotten. This is the ultimate one-off 60s extravaganza. Featuring Herman's Hermits, The Swinging Blue Jeans, Dave Berry, The Union Gap UK and The Ivy League. Hosted by Alan Mosca form Freddie and the Dreamers. ASSEMBLY HALL, SAT 28 FEB 7.30PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16315699929/sizes/l

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16475979566/sizes/o/

 

REDUCED SHAKESPEARE COMPANY: THE COMPLETE HISTORY OF COMEDY (ABRIDGED)

Comedy through the ages is presented in this hilarious show, from Aristophanes, Shakespeare and Moliere to Vaudeville, Charlie Chaplin and Nick Clegg. The bad boys of abridgment leave no joke untold as they deconstruct the entire history of comedy in 90 minutes. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, SAT 28 FEB 2PM & 7.30PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16248539997/sizes/l

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16247033210/sizes/l

 

MARCH

 

OSBORNE & WHAT: BIRDY

Inspired by William Wharton's novel, we meet Birdy; confined to a military psychiatric hospital, locked in silence and trapped in a bird persona. With friend and fellow casualty Al, journey back through their early years and relive their memories. As they leave for battle, their lives are changed forever. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, SUN 1 MAR 7.30PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/15814528743/sizes/l

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www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/15814529343/sizes/l

 

ROYAL SHAKESPEARE COMPANY: LOVE'S LABOUR'S WON

Live from Stratford-upon-Avon. Shakespeare's comic romance is set in Autumn 1918, when a group of soldiers return from the trenches. It plays out amidst the brittle high spirits of a post-war house party, as youthful passions run riot, lovers are deceived and happiness is threatened - before peace ultimately wins the day. CONNAUGHT CINEMA, WED 4 MAR 7PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16502035425/sizes/l

 

JO HARMAN AND COMPANY

 

The British Blues Award's Female Vocalist of the Year, Jo is an original singer-songwriter/bandleader whose work is broadly influenced by blues, gospel, soul, country, rock and other 'roots' sensibilities. CONNAUGHT STUDIO, THU 5 MAR 8PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16248812449/sizes/l

 

BEN WATERS BAND

One of the world's finest boogie woogie pianists, Ben Waters has worked with The Rolling Stones, Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, Shakin' Stevens, Ray Davies, Jools Holland and many others. In this concert, Ben and his band perform amazing numbers from their recent live album. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, SAT 7 MAR, 7.30PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16314314428/sizes/l

 

WORTHING SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA - SPRING AWAKENINGS

Laura van der Heijden, BBC Young Musician of the Year 2012, returns with Shostakovich's First Cello Concerto, a powerful work of great intensity and passion. Glinka's famous overture opens the concert in scintillating fashion while the true majesty of a symphony orchestra can be enjoyed in one of Bruckner's most popular symphonies. This music is a blend of lyrical melodies, rich orchestral sonorities and deeply-felt spirituality. ASSEMBLY HALL, SUN 8 MAR 2.45PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/15879527894/sizes/l

 

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BOLSHOI BALLET: ROMEO AND JULIET

Recorded live at the Bolshoi Theatre, Moscow. William Shakespeare's timeless story, written in 1595, is brought to the stage through breath-taking choreography and Sergei Prokofiev's much-loved score. With its famous melodies, rhythmic variety and universal theme, this story of impossible love remains an all-time favourite, and is one of the world's most popular ballets. CONNAUGHT STUDIO, SUN 8 MAR 3PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16500380281/sizes/l

 

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ONLY FOOLS AND BOYCIE: AN EVENING WITH JOHN CHALLIS

John Challis spills the beans about his Only Fools and Horses co-stars and fellow performers in this intimate talk. Revealing stories and anecdotes from his dazzling career, he also recalls tales from his time in Doctor Who, Coronation St and other TV classics. CONNAUGHT STUDIO, TUE 10 MAR 7.30PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16249711247/sizes/l

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16247952588/sizes/l

ENGLISH NATIONAL OPERA: LA TRAVIATA

Live from the London Coliseum is a stunning production of Verdi's masterpiece, which reaches to the heart of the opera's themes of passionate love and tragic death. The production is ideal for opera newcomers with its contemporary staging, and a running time of less than two hours. CONNAUGHT CINEMA, WED 11 MAR 7.30PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16501118912/sizes/l

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16476129836/sizes/l

 

NATIONAL THEATRE LIVE: BEHIND THE BEAUTIFUL FOREVERS

Live form the National Theatre. Meera Syal returns to the National Theatre for this production, directed by Rufus Norris. India is surging with global ambition, but beyond the luxury hotels surrounding Mumbai airport lies a makeshift slum, full of people with plans of their own. Their schemes are fragile, however, global recession threatens the garbage trade and another slum-dweller is about to make an accusation that will destroy herself and shatter the neighbourhood. CONNAUGHT CINEMA, THU12 MAR 7PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16316224617/sizes/l

 

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STEELEYE SPAN IN CONCERT

 

The folk rock pioneers present their new live show. Maddy Prior - the voice of the band - leads a line-up featuring faces old and new. Having recently collaborated with Sir Terry Pratchett on a record based on his Wintersmith novel, this performance sees them perform new gems alongside classics that have made them one of the most successful British folk rock bands ever. PAVILION THEATRE, THU 12 MAR 7.30PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16314731260/sizes/l

 

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PHOENIX DANCE THEATRE

An exhilarating mixed programme, featuring a double bill by Christopher Bruce CBE, one of the most influential figures in world dance. The event also includes two world premieres; a new piece by Phoenix Artistic Director Sharon Watson, which builds on her exploration of science through dance; and a piece by exciting new choreographer and New Adventures Choreographer Award winner Caroline Finn who presents darkly comic expressions of life and humanity using a playful, quirky and highly engaging choreographic style.

CONNAUGHT THEATRE, THU 12 MAR 7.30PM

 

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MANFORD'S COMEDY CLUB

Jason Manford has carefully selected some of his favourite comedians from the circuit, who haven't had their big break on TV yet. Andrew Ryan, Rob Rouse and Charlie Baker are featured in this line-up. He's set up Manford's Comedy Club for audiences who want a proper good night for a reasonable, affordable price so you can share the evening laughing out loud with friends and family and still have enough for a taxi home. CONNAUGHT STUDIO, FRI 13 MAR 8PM

 

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WORTHING PHILHARMONIC ORCHESTRA

Alessandro Ruisi joins the Worthing Philharmonic Orchestra for a performance of Tchaikovsky's violin concerto. The programme also includes Franck's Symphony, and is completed by Berlioz's Roman Carnival Overture. ASSEMBLY HALL, SAT 14 MAR 7.30PM

 

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AN EVENING WITH RAY QUINN

The Dancing on Ice winner and X Factor runner-up became a household name following his platinum selling album Doing It My Way. His crooner style and penchant for swing is inspired by the Rat Pack and here he presents an array of new songs from his latest album Old Soul; Young Blood. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, SAT 14 MAR 7.30PM

 

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THE GOVERNMENT INSPECTOR

Mayor Anton Antonovich is having a crisis - the streets haven't been swept for months, there are chickens in the courthouse, he has been somewhat liberal with the mayoral accounts and a government official is on his way. PAVILION THEATRE, SAT 14 MAR 2PM & 7.30PM

 

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MOTHER'S DAY TEA

Our Afternoon Tea includes a delicious selection of sandwiches, freshly-baked scones with clotted cream and preserves, plus a selection of cakes and pastries, all be served to your table along with your choice of teas or fresh coffee and the all-important glass of bubbles. THE DENTON, SUN 15 MAR 2PM ONWARDS

 

ROYAL OPERA HOUSE: SWAN LAKE

Live from the Royal Opera House is Swan Lake, surely the greatest of all romantic ballets. It is the captivating story of a beautiful woman transformed into a swan and a heart-rending tribute to the power of love. Swan Lake is a perfect synthesis of choreography and music and, though Tchaikovsky did not live to see it become a success, his first ballet score is now synonymous with ballet itself, inspiring generations of dancers and crossing over into popular culture. CONNAUGHT CINEMA, TUE 17 MAR 7.15PM

 

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ST PATRICK'S DAY SUPPER

Join us for a traditional Irish hot buffet as we celebrate St. Patrick's day. With live music from local Celtic party band, Shenanigan, who perform a great foot-stomping night of Irish Favourites. Jig, jump and reel the night away. shenanigan.co.uk Hot buffet includes: Beef and Guinness stew Traditional lamb stew Colcannon Soda bread. THE DENTON, TUE 17 MAR 7PM

 

SIMON WESTON: MY LIFE, MY STORY

Simon Weston OBE was trapped on the burning HMS Sir Galahad after it was bombed by two Argentine planes during the Falklands War. He barely escaped after suffering burns to 46 percent of his body. Now, for the first time since the conflict, Simon shares his no holds barred story with friend and former Sky News anchor David Fitzgerald. This is a truly inspirational tale of one man's journey, from the front line of war to becoming a national treasure. CONNAUGHT STUDIO, THU 19 MAR 7.30PM

 

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HENNING WHEN

After more than a decade in Britain, the German Comedy Ambassador has 'groan' to like puns... though he still couldn't eat a whole one. As Henning's assimilation is not yet complete, he hasn't lost his sense of Westphalian wonderment at the foibles of British society. Why does everybody want to be owned by a house? What's wrong with having the Euro? And why hold society and government responsible for personal underachievement? You've only got yourself to blame for not being born into a better social class. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, FRI 20 MAR 8PM

 

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JAMES CAMPBELL'S COMEDY 4 KIDS

For children over six, their parents and anyone who likes comedy without the rude words, a show which might or might not discuss lollipop ladies, quantum chromatic disruption machines and tartan badgers. CONNAUGHT STUDIO, SUN 22 MAR 4PM

 

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ROYAL EXCHANGE: HAMLET

 

Filmed at the Royal Exchange and starring Maxine Peake as Hamlet. Hamlet is Shakespeare's most iconic work. Exploding with big ideas, it is the ultimate play about loyalty, love, betrayal, murder and madness. Every Hamlet is defined by the actor. In this stripped back, fresh and fast-paced version, Maxine Peake creates a Hamlet for now, a Hamlet for Manchester. CONNAUGHT CINEMA, MON 23 MAR 7.30PM

 

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PASHA KOVALEV - LIFE THROUGH DANCE

This amazing new show starring Strictly's Pasha and his sensational dancers transports you into the world of Ballroom and Latin Dance with all its glitter and sequins. Life Through Dance is a non-stop action and sparkle-packed journey through life and love, expressed through the language of dance. The production features breath-taking choreography, sensational music and amazing costumes in a fun and exciting adventure for the entire family. PAVILION THEATRE, FRI 27 MAR 7.30PM

 

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#NOISEALERT: NORTHBROOK TAKEOVER

Since 1997, Northbrook College students have gone on to perform their music all over the world. Here is your chance to catch the latest crop of new talent before they're famous. This gig night is open to all ages and features new talent and new songs. RICHMOND ROOM, FRI 27 MAR 7.30PM

 

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THE BIG CHRIS BARBER BAND

Europe's finest traditional jazz and blues band presents an exciting evening of world-class jazz. Chris Barber formed his first band in 1949 and has become one of Europe's most successful and influential bandleaders and a bona fide jazz legend. PAVILION THEATRE, SAT 28 MAR 7.30PM

 

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TEECHERS

John Godber's classic comedy about life at a modern comprehensive introduces an array of terrifying teachers and hopeless pupils, brought to life through the unique eyes of Salty, Gail and Hobby; three Year 11 students about to leave school for good. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, SAT 28 MAR 7.30PM

 

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CHRISTINE HAMILTON: CONFESSIONS OF A BATTLEAXE

An intimate candlelit supper with Christine Hamilton, who talks frankly, movingly and in a highly entertaining way about the trials she has faced and how she managed to re-build her life into the successful media personality she is today. Warm-hearted, open and engaging, she speaks from sometimes bitter experience about how she has faced life's battles head-on and triumphed. THE DENTON, MON 30 MAR 7.30PM

 

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APRIL

 

ROYAL OPERA HOUSE: RISE AND FALL OF THE CITY OF MAHAGONNY

Live from the Royal Opera House. Mahagonny is a satire on money, morality and pleasure-seeking among the dubious citizens of a fictional city. The richly varied, jazz-infused score, influenced by ragtime music, includes such irresistible melodies as the 'Alabama Song' and many dramatic ensembles. This is its first every Royal Opera staging and is sung in English. CONNAUGHT CINEMA, WED 1 APR 7.15PM

 

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THE AMAZING BUBBLE MAN

Louis Pearl has been thrilling audiences around the world for nearly 30 years with the art, magic, science and fun of bubbles. A Fringe favourite, Louis explores the breath-taking dynamics of bubbles, combining comedy and artistry with audience participation and enough spellbinding bubble tricks to keep everyone mesmerized. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, THU 2 APR 11AM & 2PM

 

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JOE LONGTHORNE

 

Vocalist Joe's repertoire of voices includes hundreds of the world's top singers. He is best known for his impersonation of Shirley Bassey who has commented, "Joe can do me better than I can do myself". ASSEMBLY HALL, THU 2 APRIL 7.30PM

 

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ROYAL EXCHANGE: HAMLET (ENCORE)

 

Filmed at the Royal Exchange and starring Maxine Peake as Hamlet. Hamlet is Shakespeare's most iconic work. Exploding with big ideas, it is the ultimate play about loyalty, love, betrayal, murder and madness. Every Hamlet is defined by the actor. In this stripped back, fresh and fast-paced version, Maxine Peake creates a Hamlet for now, a Hamlet for Manchester. CONNAUGHT CINEMA, THU 9 APR 1PM

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16476485036/sizes/o/

 

www.flickr.com/photos/worthingtheatres/16315025360/sizes/l

 

SHAKESPEARE'S GLOBE: ROMEO & JULIET

Award-winning Shakespeare's Globe from London returns with a small troupe of travelling players, who take to the road with Shakespeare's classic tale of star-crossed lovers. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, SAT 11 APR 7.30PM

SUN 12 APR 2PM & 7.30PM

 

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NATIONAL THEATRE LIVE: THE HARD PROBLEM

Live from the National Theatre. Acclaimed playwright Tom Stoppard returns to the National Theatre with his highly-anticipated new play directed by Nicholas Hytner. Hilary, a young psychology researcher at a brainscience institute, is nursing a private sorrow and a troubling question at work, where psychology and biology meet. If there is nothing but matter, what is consciousness? This is 'the hard problem' which puts Hilary at odds with her colleagues. CONNAUGHT CINEMA, THU 16 APR 7PM

 

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RICHARD HERRING

After covering weighty issues like death, love, religion and spam javelins, "The King of Edinburgh" (List) is in a frivolous mood with this show about daftness, whether the term "cool comedian" is an oxymoron, bouncing joyously on the sofa and how Herring's whole career is a failed attempt to top a piece of visual slapstick comedy he came up with at 16. Can he revisit the joke thirty years on or will it smash his old bones? CONNAUGHT THEATRE, FRI 17 APR 8PM

 

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NURSING LIVES

When Flo, a feisty seventy-something, learns that the hospital she trained at during WWII is being demolished, she decides to take one last look. Her illicit visit becomes a personal celebration of friendship, courage, adventure and romance. But is what Flo remembers really the truth? CONNAUGHT STUDIO,

SAT 18 APR 7.30PM

 

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BOLSHOI BALLET: IVAN THE TERRIBLE

Live from the Bolshoi Theatre, Moscow. As young Ivan IV is crowned, he has to choose one of the 13 Boyar daughters to be his wife and tsarina. He selects Anastasia, and the two eventually fall deeply in love. When the Boyars plot against him and poison his beloved wife, Tsar Ivan finds himself surrounded by enemies. Haunted by dark thoughts and phantoms, he slowly sinks into madness. CONNAUGHT STUDIO, SUN 19 APR 4PM

 

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WORTHING SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA - 3RD SUSSEX INTERNATIONAL PIANO COMPETITION

The grand final of the piano competition features the three finalists performing three major piano concertos with Worthing Symphony Orchestra, under its principal conductor John Gibbons. The winner receives a cash prize, again sponsored by the Bowerman Trust, a CD demo recording session and worldwide performance opportunities. ASSEM BLY HALL, SUN 19 APR 2.45PM

 

JOSEPHINE TEWSON: STILL KEEPING UP APPEARANCES?

 

Josephine talks about her lifetime in show business in this wonderfully funny one-woman show, covering her years in British theatre, her move into TV comedy and her ill-fated but hilarious marriage to Leonard Rossiter.

CONNAUGHT STUDIO TUE 21 APR 4PM

 

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ALAN DAVIES

Alan Davies is best-known for his role on Jonathan Creek and his time as a QI panel member. He returned to his stand-up roots a few years ago and he joins us for one night only, fresh off the back of his Little Victories UK tour. This show is part of HOTBED, supporting local comedians, singer-songwriters, performance poets and more as the strive to reach the big time, all compered by Mark Kelly, "unsung hero of alternative comedy". Support includes Rachel Hawker, singer-songwriter, and Kate Wilson, comic and baby juggler. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, FRI 24 APR 7.30PM

 

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#NOISEALERT

Echo & The Beats, Buddha Blood and Sonny. New gig nights providing an opportunity for local bands, singer-songwriters and DJs to perform in front of an audience. Bands subject to change; keep checking our website for latest gig line-up and info on how to get involved. RICHMOND ROOM, FRI 24 APR 7.30PM

 

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AN AFTERNOON WITH JULIAN LLOYD WEBBER

An afternoon of stories and music as Julian Lloyd Webber takes you through the historical and musical journey of his life and career. His story is brought to life by clips of him performing and chatting with of many of the artists he has worked with, including Nigel Kennedy, Elton John, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Yehudi Menuhin, Katherine Jenkins and many others. ASSEMBLY HALL, SAT 25 APR 4PM

 

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STEWART FRANCIS

The star of Mock the Week, Michael McIntyre's Roadshow and Live at the Apollo embarks on a brand new stand up tour with a fantastic and hilarious new show! With Stewart Francis it's all about puns. And he's a gent. If time is money, Stewart's the man to do your shopping for he'll fill every minute with comedy bargains in the form of non-stop quick-fire gags, rarely giving you time to cease giggling until the next one starts. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, TUE 28 APR 8PM

 

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A STRANGE WILD SONG

In northern France in the Second World War, three children encounter a lost American soldier in the ruins of their village. Decades later, the soldier's camera is unearthed and his grandson tries to solve the mystery of the photographs inside. He discovers a world of childhood and imagination, as fragments of war explode into the present day. CONNAUGHT STUDIO, WED 29 APR 8PM

 

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KATHERINE RYAN

A dude who is fast becoming a recognisable face on British TB with appearances on BBC 1's Live at the Apollo & Let's Dance for Comic Relief, BBC 2's Mock the Week, QI & Nevermind the Buzzcocks, C4's 8 Out of 10 Cats and more, Katherine Ryan embarks on her second UK stand-up tour. The fresh, often dangerously fierce pop-culture obsessed Canadian, was unaffected by publicised death threats and survived the world's first crack smoking mayor. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, THU 30 APR 8PM

 

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MAY

 

STICK MAN

Following a hit West End season, Scamp Theatre present their delightful adaptation of Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler's hugely popular children's book. Touching, funny and utterly original, this award-winning production is packed full of puppetry, songs, live music and funky moves. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, SAT 2 MAY 2PM

 

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SWINGING TO VICTORY: SONGS THAT WON THE WAR

 

A celebration of morale-boosting hits performed by a full seventeen piece Big Band and four singers. Featuring songs including We'll Meet Again, I'll Be Seeing You, Moonlight Serenade and I've Got Sixpence plus big band classics from Count Basie, Tommy Dorsey, Duke Ellington and the hit songs of Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra and Ann Shelton. PAVILION THEATRE SUN 3 MAY 3PM

 

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ROYAL OPERA HOUSE: LA FILLE MAL GARDEE

Live from the Royal Opera House. Fredrick Ashton's final full-length ballet is one of his most joyous creations, inspired by his love for the Suffolk countryside. The title translates as 'The Wayward Daughter'. La FIlle displays some of Ashton's most virtuosic choreography - the youthful passion of Lise and her lover, Colas, is expressed in a series of energetic pas de deux. The ballet is laced with good humour and a whirl of dancing chickens, grouchy guardians and halfwit suitors take to the stage. CONNAUGHT STUDIO, TUE 5 MAY 7.15PM

 

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OOH, MATRON! THE COMEDY DINNER SHOW

Perfect or fans of good old fashioned Carry On slapstick humour, Ooh, Matron! The Comedy Dinner Show brings you lots of laughs, hilarious innuendos and classic comedy. A homage to the Carry On films, the talented cast portray the famous characters in an evening full of funny sketches. This show contains adult content.

THE DENTON THU 7 MAY 7.30PM

 

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GREGG WALLACE

 

MasterChef's Gregg Wallace gives an inspirational talk about his life and career, plus a live cooking demonstration of some of his favourite desserts. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, SUN 10 MAY 4PM

 

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LEE NELSON

Lee Nelson is back with a brand new show! You may have seen him host Live at the Apollo or caught him singing on The X Factor! Now see Lee live in his highly anticipated, all new, nationwide tour. PAVILION THEATRE, SUN 10 MAY 7.30PM

 

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MATT FORDE

Following a sell-out run in Edinburgh, Matt celebrates the great and the good (and Ed Miliband). See his brand new show as the countdown to Election 2015 starts here. As seen on Channel 4's three-part comedy series Jon Richard Grows Up, Have I Got News For You and 8 out of 10 Cats. CONNAUGHT STUDIO, TUE 12 MAY 8PM

 

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NATIONAL THEATRE LIVE: MAN & SUPERMAN

Academy Award:registered: nominee Ralph Fiennes plays Jack Tanner in this exhilarating reinvention of Shaw's witty, provocative classic. A romantic comedy, an epic fairytale, a fiery philosophical debate, Man & Superman asks fundamental questions about how we live. CONNAUGHT CINEMA, THU 14 MAY 7PM

 

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FILM & FOOD - CHEF

Cuban/Mexican inspired street food is served alongside a screening of Chef. Chef is about a chef who loses his restaurant job starts up a food truck in an effort to reclaim his creative promise, while piecing back together his estranged family. Starring Jon Favreau, Robert Downey Jr, Scarlet Johansen and Dustin Hoffman. THE DENTON, FRI 15 MAY 8PM

 

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MANFORD'S COMEDY CLUB

Jason Manford has carefully selected some of his favourite comedians from the circuit, who haven't had their big break on TV yet. Funny people, who thrive in the live arena and want to make you laugh. He's set up Manford's Comedy Club for audiences who want a proper good night for a reasonable, affordable price so you can share the evening laughing out loud with friends and family and still have enough for a taxi home. MC Maff Brown introduces Angela Barnes, Jonny Awesome and one other. CONNAUGHT STUDIO, FRI 15 MAY 8PM

 

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BROMANCE

Young, fit and skilled, the acrobats from the all-male Barely Methodical Troupe handily come in three sizes: small (Beren D'Amico), medium (Charlie Wheeler) and large (Louis Gift); and won a Total Theatre Award at the 2014 Edinburgh Festival with this outstanding debut show. CONNAUGHT THEATRE SAT 16 MAY 8PM

 

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ENGLISH NATIONAL OPERA: THE PIRATES OF PENZANCE

Live from the London Coliseum. Guaranteed to be a major event, Mike Leigh directs his first ever opera for the stage. Gilbert and Sulivan's popular comic opera features favourites including A Policeman's Lot is Not a Happy One and I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General. CONNAUGHT CINEMA, TUE 19 MAY 7.30PM

 

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TRANSITIONS DANCE COMPANY

A mixed bill of progressive dance works featuring new commissions from three world-class choreographers, celebrating the variety of their repertories, to delight both seasoned dance audiences and those new to contemporary dance. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, THU 21 MAY 7.30PM

 

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RUBY WAX

In this show based on her acclaimed book Sane New World, comedian, actor and writer Ruby explains why we sabotage our sanity with our own thinking, shows how to rewire your thinking to find calm in a frenetic world and how to become the master, not the slave, of your own mind. On top of her comedy accolades, Ruby is also a mental health campaigner and gained a Master's degree in Mindfulness-based Cognitive Therapy from Oxford University. This show is your passport to saner living. PAVILION THEATRE, FRI 22 MAY 8PM

 

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THAT'LL BE THE DAY

The nation's favourite rock 'n' roll variety show returns with another opportunity to catch its current production! Featuring classic hits from the 50s, 60s & 70s, plus loads more hilarious comedy. PAVILION THEATRE, SAT 23 MAY 7.30PM

 

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ROBERT NEWMAN

Writer and comedian Robert Newman, known for Newman and Baddiel and The Mary Whitehouse Experience, made a welcome return to the Edinburgh Fringe in 2014 with his first new Edinburgh show in seven years, Robert Newman's New Theory of Evolution. This show is part of HOTBED, supporting local comedians, singer-songwriters, performance poets and more as they strive to reach the big time, all compered by Mark Kelly, "unsung hero of alternative comedy". Support includes The Silver Peevil, retro extra-terrestrial, and Emily Barden, singer-songwriter. CONNAUGHT STUDIO, WED 27 MAY 7.30PM

 

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ALAN AYCKBOURN'S ABSENT FRIENDS

 

black comedy explores friendship, marriage and what it ultimately means to be happy.

 

Wealthy, unfulfilled housewife Diana arranges a gathering of old friends to cheer up bereaved Colin, whose fiancée drowned two months earlier. But preparations for the party spark tensions and open old wounds and as lingering resentments and deep-rooted jealousies surface, an unexpectedly cheerful Colin strolls into the mayhem. CONNAUGHT THEATRE THU 28 MAY 7.30PM FRI 29 MAY 7.30PM SAT 30 MAY 2PM & 7.30PM

 

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#NOISEALERT

Northbrook takeover. Since 1997, Northbrook College students have gone on to perform their music all over the world. Here is your chance to catch the latest crop of new talent before they're famous. These gig nights are open to all ages and feature new talent and new songs. RICHMOND ROOM, FRI 29 MAY 7.30PM

 

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HERITAGE BLUES QUINTET

Following their debut album And Still I Rise, the Grammy Award nominees perform an inspiring testament to the enduring power, possibilities and boundless beauty of African-American music. PAVILION THEATRE SAT 30 MAY 7.30PM

 

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MY PET MONSTER & ME

Sophie has always wanted a pet. She's not allowed a hamster or a kitten and she's certainly not having a dog, because they make too much mess! One day, she goes to the shops and buys herself a baby monster. A very BIG baby monster! But this is where the trouble begins... Blunderbus presents this monster of a show with an irresistible blend of music, puppetry and high-energy storytelling. Little monsters aged 3 to 7 will love this funny, heart-warming tale. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, SUN 31 MAY 2PM

 

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KATHAKALI

The stunning Kathakali costumes which have been on display at Worthing Museum and Art Gallery are brought to life by world-class artists from Kerala, India. The classical dance drama of Kerala was performed in Hindu temples 500 hundred years ago. It is exciting, dramatic and enhanced by wonderful costumes and unique make-up. The Kala Chethena Kathakali Company perform Hima Sundari, a story similar to Snow White. Suitable for the whole family, the performance is colourful, spectacular and unforgettable. CONNAUGHT STUDIO, SUN 31 MAY 4PM

 

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JUNE

 

ONLY FOOLS AND 3 COURSES DINING INVITATION

Marlene & Boycie are hosting a Gala Dinner, but will things go to plan with Del, Rodney and Uncle Albert on the guest list? Expect an evening of chaos and mayhem with extra large portions of comedy. Lovely Jubbly! THE DENTON TUE 2 JUN 7.30PM

 

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BROKEN

Building on the success of international hit Scattered, Motionhouse's brand new production Broken erupts onto the stage examining our precarious relationship with the earth. This powerful company combines athletic dance within intricate digital imagery and original music in an unashamedly visual and adrenaline fuelled spectacle. Hanging in suspense, diving for support and scrambling to safety, the dancers negotiate the cracks and craters of this world of illusions where nothing is quite as it seems. CONNAUGHT THEATRE TUE 2 JUN 7.30PM

 

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PHIL JUPITUS

Phil Jupitus began his performing career in 1984, when he quit working in a Job Centre to become a left-wing punk poet, going by the name Porky The Poet. As his poetry turned into comedy, his big TV break came in 1996, when he joined BBC2's pop quiz Never Mind the Buzzcocks as a regular team captain. This show is part of HOTBED, supporting local comedians, singer-songwriters, performance poets and more as they strive to reach the big time, all compered by Mark Kelly, "unsung hero of alternative comedy". Support includes Andrew Foster, singer-songwriter, and Rachel Hawker, singer-songwriter. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, THU 4 JUN 7.30PM

 

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WORTHING SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA: BRAHMS & BENEDETTI

Following her previous sold-out performances, Nicola Benedetti returns to play the Brahms concerto - one of the undoubted masterpieces of the violin repertoire with its soaring melodic lines, exquisite oboe solo in the slow movement and a dancing finale infused with the fire of Hungarian dances. ASSEMBLY HALL, SUN 7 JUN 2.45PM

 

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ROYAL OPERA HOUSE: LA BOHEME

Live from the Royal Opera House. The most popular opera of all returns in one of The Royal Opera's best loved stagings, regularly revived since its opening night in 1974 - and now being seen for the very last time. John Copley's keen stagecraft and loving attention to period and dramatic detail make his production a masterpiece of realism, while Julia Trevelyan Oman's designs evoke the atmosphere of 19-century Paris. Italian with English subtitles. CONNAUGHT CINEMA, WED 10 JUN 7.15PM

 

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FILM & FOOD - SIDEWAYS

An Italian menu and accompanying wine tasting is served alongside a screening of Sideways. Sideways is an Oscar-winning drama starring Paul Giamatti and Thomas Hayden Church. Two men reaching middle age with not much to show but disappointment, embark on a week-long road trip through California's wine country, just as one is about to take a trip down the aisle. THE DENTON, FRI 12 JUN 8PM

 

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JACQUI DANKWORTH

One of the most highly regarded vocalists in the UK, Jacqui is known primarily as a jazz singer but draws on folk, soul and blues influences. Her concerts always showcase her virtuosic and effortless mastery of a wide spectrum of genres. Live To Love, her most recent CD, was released in 2013 to rave reviews, she is currently working on her next album and she recently co-produced her husband Charlie Wood's new album New Souvenirs, being released on their own label Perdido Records. CONNAUGHT THEATRE SAT 13 JUN 7.30PM

 

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THE RONNIE SCOTT'S ALL STARS QUINTET: THE RONNIE SCOTT'S STORY

Direct from London's world famous jazz club, Ronnie Scott's, musical director James Pearson takes to the stage with his 'All Stars'. PAVILION THEATRE, THU 18 JUN 7.30PM

 

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BARBARA CARTLAND - IN THE PINK

It's 1981. The year of that fairy-tale Royal Wedding. When Barbara's pet Pekinese vanishes, Ruth, a reporter from the Sunday Intruder, suspects foul play. Was it the drunken maid, the frustrated chef or the spinster secretary? Will 'High Tea' ever be the same? CONAUGHT THEATRE THU 18 JUN 7.30PM FRI 19 JUN 2PM & 7.30PM SAT 20 JUN 2PM & 7.30PM

 

#NOISEALERT

Meatloaf at Mary's, Imbium and The Epiphanies. New gig nights providing an opportunity for local bands, singer-songwriters and DJs to perform in front of an audience. Bands are subject to change. Keep checking our website for latest gig-line up and info on how to get involved. RICHMOND ROOM, FRI 19 JUN 7.30PM

 

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ALEX HORNE

Nominated for Best Show at 2014 Foster's Edinburgh Comedy Awards, Alex Horne brings his curious contraption to the Connaught Theatre, Worthing. Remember that board game Mousetrap? Now that was a brilliant board game wasn't it? And you know that Honda advert, where all the car parts collided to make a thing happen? Now that was a brilliant advert, wasn't it? Well, let me introduce you to Monsieur Butterfly, Horne's most ridiculous and potentially brilliant show yet. In this unprecendented comedy experience, you can watch Alex Horne attempt something similar in just 60 minutes. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, THU 25 JUN 8PM

 

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NOSFERATU (PG) WITH LIVE HARPIST

Internationally acclaimed harpist, Elizabeth Jane Baldry, performs her own haunting score live to a screening of the 1922 horror film, Nosferatu. This iconic film of German expressionist cinema was the first ever screen adaptation of Bram Stoker's Dracula. More than 90 years since its release, it remains one of the most potent and disturbing horror films ever made. CONNAUGHT STUDIO, FRI 26 JUN 7.30PM

 

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SIR RANULPH FIENNES

Sir Ranulph Fiennes is joined on stage by long-term friend and expedition partner, Anton Bowring. Together, they take a journey through Sir Ranulph's life, covering his childhood, misdemeanours at school, army life and early expeditions, through to the Transglobe Expedition and the recent Coldest Journey. PAVILION THEATRE, TUE 30 JUN 7.30PM

 

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JULY

 

ENGLISH NATIONAL OPERA: CARMEN

Live. Probably the most popular opera in the world, Carmen scandalised its earliest audiences with its raw depiction of lust in 19th-century Seville. In ENO's popular production, the action is a full-on battle of the sexes, fought out in the arena of the Spanish bullring. CONNAUGHT CINEMA, WED 1 JUL 7.30PM

 

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KNIGHTMARE LIVE

Welcome, watchers of illusion, to Level 2. Following last year's sell-out Edinburgh run and national tour, Knightmare Live returns with more adventure, characters, puzzles and monsters in this critically acclaimed stage adaption of the cult TV classic. One member of the audience will be guided by two guest comedians through Treguard's dungeon - but will they succeed in their quest, or fall foul to one of Lord Fear's schemes?

CONNAUGHT STUDIO, FRI 3 JUL 7.30PM

 

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JOE MCELDERRY

 

The X Factor winner returns with a brand new tour, showcasing the renowned versatility, unmistakable voice, easy wit and warm rapport which have endeared him to his loyal fans. PAVILION THEATRE FRI 3 JUL 7.30PM

 

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THE WORTHING FOOD & DRINK FESTIVAL

Now in its 4th year, this FREE event features an exciting action-packed programme over the weekend with a celebrity chef, cookery demonstrations, markets stalls, food sampling, competitions and musical entertainment. PAVILION THEATRE & PROMENADE SAT 4 & SUN 5 JUL

 

ROYAL OPERA HOUSE: GUILLAUME TELL

Live from the Royal Opera House. Opening with what is arguably the most exciting of all operatic overtures, Rossini's final opera helped to lay the foundations of the genre of French grand opera that dominated European stages throughout the mid-19th century. The opera's theme is liberty, as exemplified in the struggle against Austrian occupation led by the Swiss archer and patriot Guillaume Tell: in the opera's most famous scene, Tell shoots an apple from his son's head, a feat that inspires his countrymen to revolt. CONNAUGHT CINEMA, SUN 5 JUL 2.45PM

 

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PARISIENNE EVENING

 

Café Metro Trio and their guest vocalist present an evening of jazz from the heady days of 1920s Paris, as sung by Josephine Baker, Louis Armstrong and Edith Piaf, as well as Great American Songbook classics by Nina Simone, Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald and others. THE DENTON, THU 9 JUL 7.30PM

 

AN AUDIENCE WITH HELEN LEDERER

 

The actress and writer shares a tongue in cheek journey around her brush with show business, literati and reality TV as well as an exclusive reveal of her debut novel Losing It. Best known for her role as the dippy Catriona in Absolutely Fabulous, she is renowned for her unique wit and observational humour. Helen has starred in a great number of top TV comedy and radio shows, including Bottom, French and Saunders, One Foot in the Grave and many more. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, THU 9 JUL 7.30PM

 

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MANFORD'S COMEDY CLUB

 

Jason Manford has carefully selected some of his favourite comedians from the circuit, who haven't had their big break on TV yet. Funny people, who thrive in the live arena and want to make you laugh. He's set up Manford's Comedy Club for audiences who want a proper good night for a reasonable, affordable price so you can share the evening laughing out loud with friends and family and still have enough for a taxi home. MC Matt Reed introduces Jo Caulfield, Markus Birdman and one other! CONNAUGHT STUDIO, FRI 10 JUL 8PM

 

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PETER JAMES' DEAD SIMPLE

Following the nationwide critically acclaimed hit stage production of Peter James' The Perfect Murder, the best-selling work of the No.1 novelist returns to the stage with the adaptation of his most famous 2 million selling book and the first book that featured the now famous character of Detective Roy Grace - Dead Simple. This gripping, chilling, thriller has all the classic suspense, twists and turns of a best-selling Peter James novel.

CONNAUGHT THEATRE, MON 13 JUL 7.30PM TUE 14 JUL 7.30PM WED 15 JUL 2PM & 7.30PM THU 16 JUL 7.30PM FRI 17 JUL 7.30PM SAT 18 JUL 2PM & 7.30PM

 

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ROYAL SHAKESPEARE COMPANY: THE MERCHANT OF VENICE

 

Live. In the melting pot of Venice, trade is God. With its ships plying the globe, the city opens its arms to all, as long as they come prepared to do business and there is profit to be made. With the gold flowing all is well, but when a contract between Bassanio and Shylock is broken, simmering radical tensions boil over. A wronged father, and despised outsider, Shylock looks to exact the ultimate price for a deal sealed in blood. Polly Findlay (Arden of Faversham 2014) directs Shakespeare's uncompromising tragedy. CONNAUGHT THEATRE, WED 22 JUL 7PM

 

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FAWLTY TOWERS DINING INVITATION

Basil, Sybil and Manuel serve a three-course dinner Fawlty style. A healthy portion of chaos and mayhem is thrown in for good measure while the legends of hotel management do everything they can to keep the evening on course, of course! THE DENTON, THU 23 JUL 7.30PM

 

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DR BUNHEAD'S SECRET SCIENCE LAB

International TV stunt scientist Dr Bunhead (Brainiac, Blue Peter, The Slammer) presents an explosive show. He explores everyday bits and bobs, combining recycling with science to inspire budding scientists of all ages to get their hands dirty, but not the carpet. With his array of rainbow fountains, fizz rockets, fire bubbles and all sorts of other awesome science contraptions, you'll leave armed with heaps of safe and spectacular exper

The first Heidelberg bridge was built by Karl Theodor (1742-1799), which explains it's official name "Karl-Theodor-Brücke". Altogether, the bridge was rebuilt 9 times; more than likely victim of flooding. In 1788, it was finally rebuilt completely in stone and supported by 8 posts. The double-armed bridge gate comes from the late middle ages. The towers served the bridge keeper not only as an apartment, but also as a dungeon for prisoners. In 1945 both rooms above the gateway were refurbished as artistic apartments.

 

www.heidelberg-germany.european-vacation.net/

Hamley's "dungeon" with rachel mock afraid.

In the darkened pits of time, beneath antiquity's crumbling cliffs,

huddled in a mouldering box buried under tides of sobbing dust, there

was a word, and that word was Hi,

 

A few days ago, I was prowling up to my room when I saw my friend

Rachel. She said that she had just heard that the cursed room in the

dungeon (basement) with the runes above the door was now mysteriously

unlocked. She was too scared to check it out alone, so we went down

there to warily investigate it (her) / Indiana Jones it (me).

 

The ceiling was collapsing and the dust had grown thicker than a

flapjack. Some of the floorboards were broken or missing, revealing only

darkness below. There were three rusting bikes huddled together in one

corner, and curious debris hid throughout the room: incomprehensibly

arcane notecards, severed parts of plastic flowers, organically-shaped

chunks of rotting wood, a dwarfish paintbrush, and five demon marbles.

 

I saw the first demon marble in a corner way in the back, on a shelf. I

crawled all the way back there, through the sea of dust, and picked it

up. As soon as I had it, Rachel found another one on the floor next to

her foot in the middle of the room. She picked that one up, and then

another appeared a couple feet away. As each marble was grasped, another

materialized, until there were five, oddly iridiscently black. This was

strange because we had been in the room for several minutes at that

point, carefully looking for things on the floor, and we thought we

surely would have seen at least some of the four floormarbles before.

Mystified, we concluded that they were extradimensional demon marbles.

Rachel eventually put them in a plastic bag among her herbs to keep

presences from being called to them.

 

The room was an old storage room, with sections labeled East, West,

South, and Condensate (there was no north shelves, just the wall with a

pipe across it with "CONDENSATE" painted on it). One of the pipes had a

metal slat with a huge screw at one end impaled through it. When I stood

on certain floorboards, I could feel a thumping whenever one of the

pipes made a noise, even though there was no pipe near the boards.

Rachel could feel it too, and she had shoes on. Some parts of the brick

walls were crumbling off, and there was a wood board over one crumbled

part; I crawled over to it and found a big chunk of slate, but there was

no slate used in building any of the rest of Talcott Hall that I could see.

 

The oddest thing about the room, though, was the runes above the doorway

on either side. They were painted in black, and looked sufficiently

eldritch. Rachel, a practiced witch, insisted that I stand guard at her

back as she scrawled them in her notebook. She translated them later:

"May you rest in peace within, A. E. Voikt," and then something

indecipherable about traveling on the other side. The compass painted on

the wood to locate the east, south, and west sides was also painted in

black runes.

 

We left that room as soon as the runes were copied down, for it was very

creepy. Another room had been opened as well, so we peered inside: it

was completely dark, except that a second room further inside was

visible. It looked like the perfect setup for a monster's lair, and we,

convinced that a shadowy beast was about to come roaring out after us at

any moment, walked quickly away and slammed the door to the basement.

 

Later, Emily and I went down there and discovered that there were

working lights in both rooms, which was much less fun, but they were

still spooky. The monster lair room was very cold, and it had a rusty

brown something growing in it which made frost-like crystals that

crushed oddly under my bare feet. It was a hexagonal room with

hewn-stone walls, a dirt floor, and nothing in it except for one

interrogation-room-style light on the ceiling. We decided that it must

have been a torture chamber, which explained the scratches on all the walls.

 

Yesterday night I came back to Talcott after an improv comedy show to

find Rachel and a few friends in the lobby listening to a garbledly

clanky audio recording they had made that night in the room. There was a

semi-impressive moan and then several minutes of overmodulated

water-in-pipes sound, among which they said they heard whispering. I

decided that this had become very funny.

 

Skeptic though she was, Emily was slightly spooked by our paranormal

investigators, and later that night she ran into a guy who told her real

ghost stories. Apparently, Talcott was part of the Underground Railroad,

but then burned to the ground and was rebuilt fifteen years after the

Civil War. Maybe the dungeonesque basement was left over from the

original construction?! And of course there were all these people that

had died there and were now haunting it, and so on. I found myself with

some free time, it being finals week and me not having any papers to

write, so I set about a little prank.

 

I cut out letters from my roommate George's newspapers to make a

ransom-note style ghost letter: "ACCOMPANY US ON OUR LONELY JOURNEY"

I pasted it on a sheet of paper, but it didn't look cool enough, so I

smuggled it downstairs past the studying Rachel and into the kitchen. I

stuck the corner of the paper in the toaster and wiggled it around; as

soon as it hit the glowing hot thing, it whooshed into flames. The three

people studying in the kitchen were amused as I tried to blow it out

before it burned some of the letters. It turned out pretty cool-looking.

One of them advised me to soak it in tea to make it look all brown and old.

 

After soaking overnight, I got up to check it -- and had a rare bloody

nose! What luck! I bled discerningly onto the paper, which was still

wet. I wish I had blowdried it before the blood, which got all runny on

the wet paper, but it still looked good. The paper turned very brown and

crinkly after being soaked in tea in Emily's brownie pan all night.

Attached is a picture of my finished handiwork.

 

I put the paper in the rune room, near the crumbling wall, and covered

it with dust and chunks of fallen ceiling. I hope Rachel finds it,

because she would freak out, but she might not go back in there. She

already has put the demon marbles back, having felt that the presences

wanted her to return them. No one yet has any idea why the rooms were

unlocked.

 

Yesterday, I epicly quested to find out how much water I could drink in

one day. I got up early at 7:45 to start drinking, but then I went back

to sleep and woke up at 10:00. Throughout the day, I filled up 20 oz.

plastic water bottles from the bathroom sinks and drank some whenever I

could. Emily and George said that I would probably seriously deplete my

vitamins or something by drinking so much water. I countered this threat

by eating not one but two ActiveKids vitamins. They are shaped like

little round pill-dudes on rollerskates, so I figured they would be

sufficient to protect me.

 

I kept track of my progress on a page I made on backpackit.com (you all

should check this out, it is very handy). I went to bed at 12:45; final

result:

nine 20 oz. bottles

two tall glasses of water

14 trips to the bathroom

 

That's ~220 oz. or 1.7 gallons, equivalent to almost 28 8 oz. cups of

water in one day. I had been motivated to find out because I had heard

that it was hard to actually drink the "8 cups of water you need every

day for perfect health!" or the "Absolutely NECESSARY 12 cups of WATER

Every Day to Live Longer!" My final score: 2 perfect healths and 1 long

life, right?

 

Yesterday I also attempted to make Pykrete, which is ice that's frozen

with wood pulp in it. It is supposed to make it melt slower and be ten

times stronger, able to deflect bullets and support the weight of a car

with only a one-inch column. I didn't have any wood pulp or sawdust, so

I tore up some newspaper and froze it in some water. I don't think it

worked, though. We threw it onto the road from the third floor and one

edge of it got smashed. You could read the newspaper shreds inside the

ice, though, so that was cool. In World War II, they were considering

trying to make a giant aircraft carrier / floating island out of it,

since a torpedo that hit it would only dent it a little and they could

repair it by freezing more of the ocean. I need to get some sawdust somehow.

 

Last Sunday, I went outside and started rolling balls for a snowman in

front of my dorm. People kept passing by, but no one wanted to help, so

I just kept making the large, base balls. Finally my friend Everett saw

and decided that he must be part of the snowman, so he came back with

gloves and we rolled the third base ball and three more second-level

balls. Then two passers-by helped us roll the second-level balls over my

back onto the base. We spent an hour packing it in and solidifying the

snowglomerate for its next challenge: The Huge Ball.

 

By the time The Huge Ball was big enough, it took three people just to

roll it horizontally. The idea was to somehow lift it the five feet

necessary to put it on top of the other balls. Needless to say, we

didn't have enough people. But we started making ramps, and more people

flocked to our cause, including one forty-something town resident whom

we had never met before. Finally, after many hours and one near

head-crushing (mine), the six of us managed to roll The Huge Ball the

rest of the way up the snowman. It was awesome, and I could barely move

the day afterward from soreness. Attached is a picture just after we

applied The Huge Ball, before we put on any more head pieces. Note that

the ground was very muddy, so our snowman looks like he's been through

jungle combat, to put it nicely.

 

Everyone on campus was talking about the snowman. Well, everyone who I

said, "Hey, did you see the snowman?" to was talking about the snowman,

anyway. It stood for a day and a half, but then someone pushed The Huge

Ball off (not an easy feat, for it was very heavy, but it was perhaps

too big for its base) and it broke. Emily and my fellow builders were

very sad, especially since we weren't finished making it insanely tall

yet, but it is not the way of the snowman to last. I am hoping to make

an even bigger snowman when I come home for winter.

 

My classes have been going well and I'm poised to win on my final exams,

so I am taking it easy this week before I fly home on Friday.

 

Love and dragon shrimp,

Nick

 

P.S. We saw a dead bat.

September 30, 2009- Makely sits in the “pit” or the “dungeon of a locker room” as she puts it, unlacing her skates after practice. “This is the worst part,” Makely said. “My hands are completely numb and I have to undo all of the lacing in order to get my foot out.” Photo by Rachel Redman

  

Rachel in Hamley's dungeon screaming, but it loks more like she's singing.

From left to right: Kevin DeMers of Wild Fox Photography, his wife and model Rachel and Amber.

These two seemed to have a great time with myself and Cynthia in True Dungeon, and wandering the hallways showing off her costume. She was flooded with picture requests, with a new inrush everytime she gave in to the impulse to spread those wings of hers.

In the darkened pits of time, beneath antiquity's crumbling cliffs,

huddled in a mouldering box buried under tides of sobbing dust, there

was a word, and that word was Hi,

 

A few days ago, I was prowling up to my room when I saw my friend

Rachel. She said that she had just heard that the cursed room in the

dungeon (basement) with the runes above the door was now mysteriously

unlocked. She was too scared to check it out alone, so we went down

there to warily investigate it (her) / Indiana Jones it (me).

 

The ceiling was collapsing and the dust had grown thicker than a

flapjack. Some of the floorboards were broken or missing, revealing only

darkness below. There were three rusting bikes huddled together in one

corner, and curious debris hid throughout the room: incomprehensibly

arcane notecards, severed parts of plastic flowers, organically-shaped

chunks of rotting wood, a dwarfish paintbrush, and five demon marbles.

 

I saw the first demon marble in a corner way in the back, on a shelf. I

crawled all the way back there, through the sea of dust, and picked it

up. As soon as I had it, Rachel found another one on the floor next to

her foot in the middle of the room. She picked that one up, and then

another appeared a couple feet away. As each marble was grasped, another

materialized, until there were five, oddly iridiscently black. This was

strange because we had been in the room for several minutes at that

point, carefully looking for things on the floor, and we thought we

surely would have seen at least some of the four floormarbles before.

Mystified, we concluded that they were extradimensional demon marbles.

Rachel eventually put them in a plastic bag among her herbs to keep

presences from being called to them.

 

The room was an old storage room, with sections labeled East, West,

South, and Condensate (there was no north shelves, just the wall with a

pipe across it with "CONDENSATE" painted on it). One of the pipes had a

metal slat with a huge screw at one end impaled through it. When I stood

on certain floorboards, I could feel a thumping whenever one of the

pipes made a noise, even though there was no pipe near the boards.

Rachel could feel it too, and she had shoes on. Some parts of the brick

walls were crumbling off, and there was a wood board over one crumbled

part; I crawled over to it and found a big chunk of slate, but there was

no slate used in building any of the rest of Talcott Hall that I could see.

 

The oddest thing about the room, though, was the runes above the doorway

on either side. They were painted in black, and looked sufficiently

eldritch. Rachel, a practiced witch, insisted that I stand guard at her

back as she scrawled them in her notebook. She translated them later:

"May you rest in peace within, A. E. Voikt," and then something

indecipherable about traveling on the other side. The compass painted on

the wood to locate the east, south, and west sides was also painted in

black runes.

 

We left that room as soon as the runes were copied down, for it was very

creepy. Another room had been opened as well, so we peered inside: it

was completely dark, except that a second room further inside was

visible. It looked like the perfect setup for a monster's lair, and we,

convinced that a shadowy beast was about to come roaring out after us at

any moment, walked quickly away and slammed the door to the basement.

 

Later, Emily and I went down there and discovered that there were

working lights in both rooms, which was much less fun, but they were

still spooky. The monster lair room was very cold, and it had a rusty

brown something growing in it which made frost-like crystals that

crushed oddly under my bare feet. It was a hexagonal room with

hewn-stone walls, a dirt floor, and nothing in it except for one

interrogation-room-style light on the ceiling. We decided that it must

have been a torture chamber, which explained the scratches on all the walls.

 

Yesterday night I came back to Talcott after an improv comedy show to

find Rachel and a few friends in the lobby listening to a garbledly

clanky audio recording they had made that night in the room. There was a

semi-impressive moan and then several minutes of overmodulated

water-in-pipes sound, among which they said they heard whispering. I

decided that this had become very funny.

 

Skeptic though she was, Emily was slightly spooked by our paranormal

investigators, and later that night she ran into a guy who told her real

ghost stories. Apparently, Talcott was part of the Underground Railroad,

but then burned to the ground and was rebuilt fifteen years after the

Civil War. Maybe the dungeonesque basement was left over from the

original construction?! And of course there were all these people that

had died there and were now haunting it, and so on. I found myself with

some free time, it being finals week and me not having any papers to

write, so I set about a little prank.

 

I cut out letters from my roommate George's newspapers to make a

ransom-note style ghost letter: "ACCOMPANY US ON OUR LONELY JOURNEY"

I pasted it on a sheet of paper, but it didn't look cool enough, so I

smuggled it downstairs past the studying Rachel and into the kitchen. I

stuck the corner of the paper in the toaster and wiggled it around; as

soon as it hit the glowing hot thing, it whooshed into flames. The three

people studying in the kitchen were amused as I tried to blow it out

before it burned some of the letters. It turned out pretty cool-looking.

One of them advised me to soak it in tea to make it look all brown and old.

 

After soaking overnight, I got up to check it -- and had a rare bloody

nose! What luck! I bled discerningly onto the paper, which was still

wet. I wish I had blowdried it before the blood, which got all runny on

the wet paper, but it still looked good. The paper turned very brown and

crinkly after being soaked in tea in Emily's brownie pan all night.

Attached is a picture of my finished handiwork.

 

I put the paper in the rune room, near the crumbling wall, and covered

it with dust and chunks of fallen ceiling. I hope Rachel finds it,

because she would freak out, but she might not go back in there. She

already has put the demon marbles back, having felt that the presences

wanted her to return them. No one yet has any idea why the rooms were

unlocked.

 

Yesterday, I epicly quested to find out how much water I could drink in

one day. I got up early at 7:45 to start drinking, but then I went back

to sleep and woke up at 10:00. Throughout the day, I filled up 20 oz.

plastic water bottles from the bathroom sinks and drank some whenever I

could. Emily and George said that I would probably seriously deplete my

vitamins or something by drinking so much water. I countered this threat

by eating not one but two ActiveKids vitamins. They are shaped like

little round pill-dudes on rollerskates, so I figured they would be

sufficient to protect me.

 

I kept track of my progress on a page I made on backpackit.com (you all

should check this out, it is very handy). I went to bed at 12:45; final

result:

nine 20 oz. bottles

two tall glasses of water

14 trips to the bathroom

 

That's ~220 oz. or 1.7 gallons, equivalent to almost 28 8 oz. cups of

water in one day. I had been motivated to find out because I had heard

that it was hard to actually drink the "8 cups of water you need every

day for perfect health!" or the "Absolutely NECESSARY 12 cups of WATER

Every Day to Live Longer!" My final score: 2 perfect healths and 1 long

life, right?

 

Yesterday I also attempted to make Pykrete, which is ice that's frozen

with wood pulp in it. It is supposed to make it melt slower and be ten

times stronger, able to deflect bullets and support the weight of a car

with only a one-inch column. I didn't have any wood pulp or sawdust, so

I tore up some newspaper and froze it in some water. I don't think it

worked, though. We threw it onto the road from the third floor and one

edge of it got smashed. You could read the newspaper shreds inside the

ice, though, so that was cool. In World War II, they were considering

trying to make a giant aircraft carrier / floating island out of it,

since a torpedo that hit it would only dent it a little and they could

repair it by freezing more of the ocean. I need to get some sawdust somehow.

 

Last Sunday, I went outside and started rolling balls for a snowman in

front of my dorm. People kept passing by, but no one wanted to help, so

I just kept making the large, base balls. Finally my friend Everett saw

and decided that he must be part of the snowman, so he came back with

gloves and we rolled the third base ball and three more second-level

balls. Then two passers-by helped us roll the second-level balls over my

back onto the base. We spent an hour packing it in and solidifying the

snowglomerate for its next challenge: The Huge Ball.

 

By the time The Huge Ball was big enough, it took three people just to

roll it horizontally. The idea was to somehow lift it the five feet

necessary to put it on top of the other balls. Needless to say, we

didn't have enough people. But we started making ramps, and more people

flocked to our cause, including one forty-something town resident whom

we had never met before. Finally, after many hours and one near

head-crushing (mine), the six of us managed to roll The Huge Ball the

rest of the way up the snowman. It was awesome, and I could barely move

the day afterward from soreness. Attached is a picture just after we

applied The Huge Ball, before we put on any more head pieces. Note that

the ground was very muddy, so our snowman looks like he's been through

jungle combat, to put it nicely.

 

Everyone on campus was talking about the snowman. Well, everyone who I

said, "Hey, did you see the snowman?" to was talking about the snowman,

anyway. It stood for a day and a half, but then someone pushed The Huge

Ball off (not an easy feat, for it was very heavy, but it was perhaps

too big for its base) and it broke. Emily and my fellow builders were

very sad, especially since we weren't finished making it insanely tall

yet, but it is not the way of the snowman to last. I am hoping to make

an even bigger snowman when I come home for winter.

 

My classes have been going well and I'm poised to win on my final exams,

so I am taking it easy this week before I fly home on Friday.

 

Love and dragon shrimp,

Nick

 

P.S. We saw a dead bat.

In the darkened pits of time, beneath antiquity's crumbling cliffs,

huddled in a mouldering box buried under tides of sobbing dust, there

was a word, and that word was Hi,

 

A few days ago, I was prowling up to my room when I saw my friend

Rachel. She said that she had just heard that the cursed room in the

dungeon (basement) with the runes above the door was now mysteriously

unlocked. She was too scared to check it out alone, so we went down

there to warily investigate it (her) / Indiana Jones it (me).

 

The ceiling was collapsing and the dust had grown thicker than a

flapjack. Some of the floorboards were broken or missing, revealing only

darkness below. There were three rusting bikes huddled together in one

corner, and curious debris hid throughout the room: incomprehensibly

arcane notecards, severed parts of plastic flowers, organically-shaped

chunks of rotting wood, a dwarfish paintbrush, and five demon marbles.

 

I saw the first demon marble in a corner way in the back, on a shelf. I

crawled all the way back there, through the sea of dust, and picked it

up. As soon as I had it, Rachel found another one on the floor next to

her foot in the middle of the room. She picked that one up, and then

another appeared a couple feet away. As each marble was grasped, another

materialized, until there were five, oddly iridiscently black. This was

strange because we had been in the room for several minutes at that

point, carefully looking for things on the floor, and we thought we

surely would have seen at least some of the four floormarbles before.

Mystified, we concluded that they were extradimensional demon marbles.

Rachel eventually put them in a plastic bag among her herbs to keep

presences from being called to them.

 

The room was an old storage room, with sections labeled East, West,

South, and Condensate (there was no north shelves, just the wall with a

pipe across it with "CONDENSATE" painted on it). One of the pipes had a

metal slat with a huge screw at one end impaled through it. When I stood

on certain floorboards, I could feel a thumping whenever one of the

pipes made a noise, even though there was no pipe near the boards.

Rachel could feel it too, and she had shoes on. Some parts of the brick

walls were crumbling off, and there was a wood board over one crumbled

part; I crawled over to it and found a big chunk of slate, but there was

no slate used in building any of the rest of Talcott Hall that I could see.

 

The oddest thing about the room, though, was the runes above the doorway

on either side. They were painted in black, and looked sufficiently

eldritch. Rachel, a practiced witch, insisted that I stand guard at her

back as she scrawled them in her notebook. She translated them later:

"May you rest in peace within, A. E. Voikt," and then something

indecipherable about traveling on the other side. The compass painted on

the wood to locate the east, south, and west sides was also painted in

black runes.

 

We left that room as soon as the runes were copied down, for it was very

creepy. Another room had been opened as well, so we peered inside: it

was completely dark, except that a second room further inside was

visible. It looked like the perfect setup for a monster's lair, and we,

convinced that a shadowy beast was about to come roaring out after us at

any moment, walked quickly away and slammed the door to the basement.

 

Later, Emily and I went down there and discovered that there were

working lights in both rooms, which was much less fun, but they were

still spooky. The monster lair room was very cold, and it had a rusty

brown something growing in it which made frost-like crystals that

crushed oddly under my bare feet. It was a hexagonal room with

hewn-stone walls, a dirt floor, and nothing in it except for one

interrogation-room-style light on the ceiling. We decided that it must

have been a torture chamber, which explained the scratches on all the walls.

 

Yesterday night I came back to Talcott after an improv comedy show to

find Rachel and a few friends in the lobby listening to a garbledly

clanky audio recording they had made that night in the room. There was a

semi-impressive moan and then several minutes of overmodulated

water-in-pipes sound, among which they said they heard whispering. I

decided that this had become very funny.

 

Skeptic though she was, Emily was slightly spooked by our paranormal

investigators, and later that night she ran into a guy who told her real

ghost stories. Apparently, Talcott was part of the Underground Railroad,

but then burned to the ground and was rebuilt fifteen years after the

Civil War. Maybe the dungeonesque basement was left over from the

original construction?! And of course there were all these people that

had died there and were now haunting it, and so on. I found myself with

some free time, it being finals week and me not having any papers to

write, so I set about a little prank.

 

I cut out letters from my roommate George's newspapers to make a

ransom-note style ghost letter: "ACCOMPANY US ON OUR LONELY JOURNEY"

I pasted it on a sheet of paper, but it didn't look cool enough, so I

smuggled it downstairs past the studying Rachel and into the kitchen. I

stuck the corner of the paper in the toaster and wiggled it around; as

soon as it hit the glowing hot thing, it whooshed into flames. The three

people studying in the kitchen were amused as I tried to blow it out

before it burned some of the letters. It turned out pretty cool-looking.

One of them advised me to soak it in tea to make it look all brown and old.

 

After soaking overnight, I got up to check it -- and had a rare bloody

nose! What luck! I bled discerningly onto the paper, which was still

wet. I wish I had blowdried it before the blood, which got all runny on

the wet paper, but it still looked good. The paper turned very brown and

crinkly after being soaked in tea in Emily's brownie pan all night.

Attached is a picture of my finished handiwork.

 

I put the paper in the rune room, near the crumbling wall, and covered

it with dust and chunks of fallen ceiling. I hope Rachel finds it,

because she would freak out, but she might not go back in there. She

already has put the demon marbles back, having felt that the presences

wanted her to return them. No one yet has any idea why the rooms were

unlocked.

 

Yesterday, I epicly quested to find out how much water I could drink in

one day. I got up early at 7:45 to start drinking, but then I went back

to sleep and woke up at 10:00. Throughout the day, I filled up 20 oz.

plastic water bottles from the bathroom sinks and drank some whenever I

could. Emily and George said that I would probably seriously deplete my

vitamins or something by drinking so much water. I countered this threat

by eating not one but two ActiveKids vitamins. They are shaped like

little round pill-dudes on rollerskates, so I figured they would be

sufficient to protect me.

 

I kept track of my progress on a page I made on backpackit.com (you all

should check this out, it is very handy). I went to bed at 12:45; final

result:

nine 20 oz. bottles

two tall glasses of water

14 trips to the bathroom

 

That's ~220 oz. or 1.7 gallons, equivalent to almost 28 8 oz. cups of

water in one day. I had been motivated to find out because I had heard

that it was hard to actually drink the "8 cups of water you need every

day for perfect health!" or the "Absolutely NECESSARY 12 cups of WATER

Every Day to Live Longer!" My final score: 2 perfect healths and 1 long

life, right?

 

Yesterday I also attempted to make Pykrete, which is ice that's frozen

with wood pulp in it. It is supposed to make it melt slower and be ten

times stronger, able to deflect bullets and support the weight of a car

with only a one-inch column. I didn't have any wood pulp or sawdust, so

I tore up some newspaper and froze it in some water. I don't think it

worked, though. We threw it onto the road from the third floor and one

edge of it got smashed. You could read the newspaper shreds inside the

ice, though, so that was cool. In World War II, they were considering

trying to make a giant aircraft carrier / floating island out of it,

since a torpedo that hit it would only dent it a little and they could

repair it by freezing more of the ocean. I need to get some sawdust somehow.

 

Last Sunday, I went outside and started rolling balls for a snowman in

front of my dorm. People kept passing by, but no one wanted to help, so

I just kept making the large, base balls. Finally my friend Everett saw

and decided that he must be part of the snowman, so he came back with

gloves and we rolled the third base ball and three more second-level

balls. Then two passers-by helped us roll the second-level balls over my

back onto the base. We spent an hour packing it in and solidifying the

snowglomerate for its next challenge: The Huge Ball.

 

By the time The Huge Ball was big enough, it took three people just to

roll it horizontally. The idea was to somehow lift it the five feet

necessary to put it on top of the other balls. Needless to say, we

didn't have enough people. But we started making ramps, and more people

flocked to our cause, including one forty-something town resident whom

we had never met before. Finally, after many hours and one near

head-crushing (mine), the six of us managed to roll The Huge Ball the

rest of the way up the snowman. It was awesome, and I could barely move

the day afterward from soreness. Attached is a picture just after we

applied The Huge Ball, before we put on any more head pieces. Note that

the ground was very muddy, so our snowman looks like he's been through

jungle combat, to put it nicely.

 

Everyone on campus was talking about the snowman. Well, everyone who I

said, "Hey, did you see the snowman?" to was talking about the snowman,

anyway. It stood for a day and a half, but then someone pushed The Huge

Ball off (not an easy feat, for it was very heavy, but it was perhaps

too big for its base) and it broke. Emily and my fellow builders were

very sad, especially since we weren't finished making it insanely tall

yet, but it is not the way of the snowman to last. I am hoping to make

an even bigger snowman when I come home for winter.

 

My classes have been going well and I'm poised to win on my final exams,

so I am taking it easy this week before I fly home on Friday.

 

Love and dragon shrimp,

Nick

 

P.S. We saw a dead bat.

We managed to get Marq and Rachel into our first True Dungeon run (The Five Aspects). Here is Marq, our Ranger, preparing for his training session. Rachel was our Rouge and proved she has a very deft hand with traps.

Rachel's our DM and sometimes we make her laugh with our decisions. Here she's debating about how to get someone to roll for how to communicate with a centaur,

© Rachel Nacilla

November 2009

Hahaha. I like the picture of the squirrel.

 

Camera: Polaroid Spectra Onyx

Film: Impossible PZ 680 Color Shade

 

Notes: flash fired, handheld. Scanned to digital with CanoScan LiDE 200.

 

dingobear.zenfolio.com

HIGHLY recommended. Free, open until 10 pm, and right next door to the Cat and Fiddle. They'll search your bags to make sure you don't bring in cameras...which I did anyway, but then Rachel wouldn't let me take any pictures because she was sure they had surveillance everywhere and would lock us up in a Scientology dungeon or something.

Mimi, Olivia B, Lucia, Laura, Kristin, Rachel, Anna and Genevieve

Done for a contest where the task was to photoshop an idiom or an expression literally. I chose "Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder", beholder being that big flying eye with teeth of course.

There is a photo of Rachel McAdams in the eye, btw. So that's the beauty part...