styro By: styro


My acceptance speech for my induction into the Hells Satans Moped Gang, ghostwritten lovingly by my friend Amy:


Oh, my goodness. I never thought I’d be here my whole life growing up in Delaware.


I want to say Patrick Lowery and Lee Selby had a wonderful tradition of honoring other moped riders and mopeds and two-wheeled travelers, and I really feel that tradition tonight. It is very important, and I really feel it. So I want to thank the Moped Army for this incredible honor. I want to say thank you to so many people who helped me create this role. Everyone at the warehouse, Pat Lowery, Mark Restivo, for producing the Hells Satans.


A very special thank you to Amy who directed the social events and also shared her beauty tips and two stroke mixture advice. Who is a real woman. Who has dignity and honor, and fear, and courage, and she’s a real woman. And I really appreciate that. It was an incredible gift that you gave me. So thank you.


And the Trav Dawg for helping me realize my lifelong dream of being a moped rider. Thank you for that pipe, Trav Dawg. And I want to say thank you to Bainesworth who just put his heart and soul into this performance. His commitment and passion for this character and for this performance was just remarkable, and I feel so lucky to have gone on this journey with you.


I am so blessed to have April and James here tonight. April and James are here. And I just want to say thank you so much for everything, for being so proud of me. It didn’t matter if I was making my bed or riding a moped. They never hesitated to say how proud they were of me. And that means so very much to a Hells Satan. So thank you, April and James.


I want to say thank you to my wonderful Boyfriend and our two mopeds who should be going to bed. And thank you for loving me so much and supporting me.


And I want to say that, Moped Army was one of the biggest inspirations in my life. Moped Army taught me how to be a real woman, to have strength and self respect, and to never give those things away. And those are a lot of qualities I saw in Amy. People used to ask Amy how she was doing, and she used to say—“I’m just trying to make mopeds matter.” And I know what she means. You know, I’m just trying to make mopeds matter, and live a good life and make mopeds mean something to somebody. And you have all made me feel that I might have accomplished that tonight. So thank you so much for this honor.

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  • styro 9y

    See, Kari posted one that was from Halle Berry? So Amy was like, WE GOTTA DO ONE FOR YOU. So this was it.
  • Sarah Brown 9y

    Please tell me you also let Marky Mark finger you on a roller coaster.
  • emilym 9y

    Sarah Brown! GROSS!

    I am going to say I knew you when, Caitlin.
  • Sarah Brown 9y

    Actual and factual!
  • Rob 9y

    Sarah Brown teaches me something every day. Well, every month at least.
  • emilym 9y

    That movie horrified me for MANY MANY reasons. Including but not limited to: pen tattoos and dog heads. And fingers. Ew, the fingers.
  • Erika PRO 9y

    Wait - didn't he finger Alicia Silverstone?
  • notwellplanned 9y

    No he fingered Reece Witherspoon on the way up the roller coaster, and of course she reached her thundering climax just as they got to the top and as they decended down the hill. That was the first sign that movie was going to be awesome. The next signs came when he beat himself up on the side of the road, then when the world's fakest fake body was thrown over a log, and then the part where the stepmother turns to the camera and yells "STEVE!!!" and she looks EXACTLY like Jim Carrey. I never get sick of watching that movie.
  • sara 9y

    That last tag is fucking hilarious.
  • Eden M. Kennedy PRO 9y

    I'm thinking I really need a moped now.
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Uploaded on March 24, 2006
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