it took 7 months
you start something and you stick with it for 12 years. it becomes something less than a religion but more than just an avocation. it starts to define who you are and you let it. you give to it as much as you take from it. it becomes something as natural as breathing but you take it for granted. then it stops. the choice is taken from you. you can't sleep. you have panic attacks. you start to doubt everything. turns out you are not as tough as you think you are. turns out no one is. you promise you will never take it for granted. you know it's a broken promise before it's even made. you float down the pavement. you look down. such thin wrists.