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Nechljudov | by Luca Pierro
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Nechljudov

  

And all this terrible change had come about because he had ceased to believe himself and had taken to believing others. This he had done because it was too difficult to live believing one's self: believing one's self, one had to decide every question, not in favor of one's animal I, which is always seeking for easy gratification, but in almost every case against it. Believing others, there was nothing to decide; everything had been decided already, and always in favor of the animal I and against the spiritual. Nor was this all. Believing in his own self, he was always exposing himself to the censure of those around him; believing others, he had their approval. Thus when Nekhlyudov thought and spoke of the serious matters of life -- God, truth , riches, poverty -- all around him thought it out of place and even rather ridiculous, and his mother and aunts called him, with kindly sarcasm, notre cher philosophe. (our dear philosopher) But when he read novels, told improper anecdotes, went to see funny vauevilles in the French theatre and gaily repeated the jokes, everybody admired and encouraged him. When he considered it right to limit his needs, wearing an old overcoat, taking no wine -- everybody thought it odd and considered it posing; but when he spent large sums on hunting, or on furnishing a special and luxurious study for himself, everybody admired his taste and gave him expensive presents to encourage his hobby. While he kept pure and meant to remain so till he married, his friends feared for his health, and even his mother was not grieved bur rather pleased when she found out the he had become a 'real' man, and gained over some French woman from his friend ... .... At first Nekhlyudov struggled: all he had considered good while he had faith in himself was considered bad, and what he had considered evil was looked upon as good, by those among whom he lived, but the struggle grew too hard. And at last Nekhlyudov gave in, that is, he left off believing his own self and began believing others. At first this giving up of faith in himself was unpleasant, but it did not long continue so. At that time he acquired the habits of smoking and drinking, and soon got over this unpleasant feeling and even felt great relief.

 

Nekhlyudov, with his passionate nature, gave himself unreservedly to the new way of life so approved of by all around him, and he quite stifled the inner voice which demanded something different."

 

Tolstoj - Resurrection

 

E tutto questo terribile mutamento si era compiuto in lui solo perché aveva cessato di credere a se stesso e aveva cominciato a credere agli altri. E aveva cessato di credere a se stesso e aveva cominciato a credere agli altri perché vivere credendo a se stesso era troppo difficile: credendo a se stesso, doveva risolvere ogni questione non in favore del proprio io animale, che cercava gioie facili, ma quasi sempre contro di esso; credendo invece agli altri, non c'era nulla da risolvere, tutto era già risolto e risolto sempre contro l'io spirituale e a favore di quello animale. Non solo: credendo a se stesso si esponeva sempre alle critiche della gente, credendo agli altri riceveva l'approvazione di coloro che lo circondavano.

Così, quando Nechljudov pensava, leggeva, parlava di Dio, della verità, della ricchezza, della povertà, tutti coloro che lo circondavano lo giudicavano fuori luogo e in parte ridicolo, e la madre e la zia con benevola ironia lo chiamavano notre cher philosophe, mentre quando leggeva romanzi, raccontava aneddoti piccanti, andava a vedere vaudevilles comici al teatro francese e poi li riportava allegramente, tutti lo lodavano e incoraggiavano. Quando credeva necessario limitare le sue esigenze e portava un vecchio cappotto e non beveva vino, tutti la consideravano una stranezza, una posa eccentrica, mentre quando spendeva grosse somme per la caccia o per l'arredamento di uno studio straordinariamente sfarzoso tutti lodavano il suo buon gusto e gli facevano regali costosi. Quando era vergine e voleva restarlo fino al matrimonio, i parenti temevano per la sua salute, e persino la madre non si rattristò, anzi si compiacque, quando seppe che era diventato un vero uomo e aveva soffiato una certa dama francese a un compagno.

...

Sulle prime Nechljudov lottò, ma lottare era troppo difficile, perché tutto quello che riteneva buono credendo a se stesso era ritenuto cattivo dagli altri, e al contrario tutto quello che riteneva cattivo credendo a se stesso era ritenuto buono da quanti lo circondavano. E Nechljudov finì per arrendersi, cessò di credere a sé e credette agli altri. E in un primo tempo questo rinnegare se stesso gli dispiacque, ma la sensazione spiacevole durò pochissimo, e ben presto Nechljudov, che nel frattempo aveva cominciato a fumare e bere, smise di provarla e anzi avvertì un gran senso di sollievo."

 

Tolstoj - Resurrezione

Strobist/Lampista: one light setup. National through a reflective umbrella (full power). Flash triggered with Cactus Wireless Flash Trigger Set V4

 

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Taken on September 5, 2010