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Just because someone's falling from a building doesn't mean they're lost | by smswigart
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Just because someone's falling from a building doesn't mean they're lost

There’s a reason men don’t like to ask for directions, and it’s not what you think. You see, when we’re by ourselves, we do it all the time. We just squeal into the lot and say to the gas attendant, “Bro, I just stole this van so I could listen to my Motley Crue CDs. Which way to the freeway?”

 

And he’s like, “Dude, the freeway sign is RIGHT THERE, but keep it down. I’m going to sneak you some gas so you can outrun the helicopters.”

 

But when “the old lady” is with us, they’re always like, “Ask directions! Ask directions! There’s no shame in it. Ask. Ask. Ask. Ask.”

 

Duh, there’s obviously no shame in it. It’s not like we come rolling ever so slowly up to the gas attendant, fan belt squealing. Power window drops, with a mechanical whirr, and we say in a voice one octave higher than normal:

 

“Excuse me. Sir. Excuse me, I was wondering if you could… oh, sorry… let me turn this Wiggles CD down a bit, or ‘attenuate the decibels,’ as Wentworth likes to say. Why yes, those are my children in the back. No, there’s nothing wrong with her lips. Darling, get your mouth off the window. No honey, you’re not an eel. She likes to pretend she’s an eel after the trip to… Oh, on their face? That’s their lunch. Yes, they’re each wearing an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich, only you can’t see all of it because they shoved a good amount up each-other’s nostrils. Anyway, we were trying to find… what? Oh there’s smoke coming from behind me? That’s probably from the heat of my wife’s laser beam eyes and nuclear gaze on the back of my neck. Honey, unclench your jaw and say hello to the nice attendant. Anyhow, the Princess Party Pavilion. Oh, that way? Thanks.”

 

It’s not like that at all; we’re totally man enough to ask directions. That’s not the point. What you don’t get is that we like being lost. Lost is where you find adventure.

 

So i think this is a picture of a guy texting his wife saying, “In elevator. B rite down.” If you look close, you can see she totally forgot to pack his ninja shoes.

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Taken on November 1, 2010