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the things I never create

A while ago I had a talk with a professor at the uni I applied to when I had no idea what to put in my application yet. He told me I could make a series out of this and this photo and I thought well okay then, I'm going to make a series based on trees and stuff. Somewhere along the way I noticed that it wasn't just that, it's not just trees and it's not just stuff I put on them. Every one of those photos that belong to the series now represents a different part of me and I'm hoping it will show me as a whole when the series is complete.


This photo is about the kind of art I have a hard time creating. Drawing, sketching, painting, writing, everything that involves just doing something and not being so scared of ruining anything because I can't always go back like I do in photoshop. I need to make things with courage more often, and believe in myself and my abilities. And here's to actually executing that.


It's almost funny because I spent the evening before I wanted to take this moaning away to Seb that I never really experiment, that all my photos are “perfect” (as in I'm such a perfectionist) final products. And then while setting all this up, there was a stream underneath the tree, my journal fell in the water and it was the biggest shock ever. I stumbled down a hillside and almost fell in the water myself trying to save my treasure of inspiration. I ended up going into the water anyway and got it out, ruining my white shoes which I didn't really care about, but it was already completely soaked. I lay it in the sun and quickly went through the pages. There were colour stains everywhere, blurred words, smudgy pictures. It wasn't as bad as I'd expected it to be, but I still hoped it hadn't happened. But the thing is there I was, with a journal in my hand that was completely filled with experimental stuff. The stuff I never make because I'm too afraid, and because I like everything to be organized. So although some pages may be a little wrecked now, and although it's not what I intended my journal to look like, I still think it taught me something. And it was a really interesting coincidence after all.

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Taken on May 11, 2012