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137/365:I hated school...

Day 137 of the 365 days and the 12th secret in the 30 days ...

 

I really hated school,I hated the bullying,the fact that there was no one was going to help me make it stop( my family had major problems of its own,I believed keeping quiet to them wouldn`t add to the problems).I endured 2 years of being bullied everyday,the psycho who tried to strangle me on a weekly basis,I was marked out as different-quiet,gentle,smaller than the others.Jeeze looking back I don`t know why ...

I felt that the whole world was against me,I have never been so alone in my life.The daily grind of it did take its toll,at one point I couldn`t go on anymore,I must have been on the brink of a breakdown,I just couldn`t do anything other than stay in bed for 2 weeks,I didn`t want to communicate with anyone. I got over it somehow,but changed,darker more cynical perhaps.I used to plan burning the school down late at night ,not revenge just a way of never having to go back.I could never quite figure out how to get enough petrol,without a trail back to me!

It`s awful that thoughts of destructive acts kept me sane ,that and channeling all my anger and frustration into my artwork.An anger that still burned years later when my best mate at art college said

" You`re a nice guy Kit,but theres so much anger in your artwork it frightens me",which floored me,as I could no longer see it...

 

I think I`ve worked out most of the problems from that time in my life-I still have a problem trusting others-not exactly good for building relationships!

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Taken on February 24, 2007