Lara Crofter walks home on a hot summer night after attending the Pussy Riot fund raising concert at Tarbert Community Centre. The event was held in honour of the imprisoned Russian punk band and was organised by members of the Heb Girlz.
Highlight of the night was the fancy dress competition, which if judged by audience reaction alone would have seen Lara walk away with the coveted first prize of a 30 second trolley dash around Akram General Stores. Much to the displeasure of those in attendance, the panel of judges decided Lara's costume didn't contain quite enough costume and declared the prize would be awarded to someone who had put in a little more effort.
Top honours went to Calum the bus driver, who travelled all the way from Scalpay dressed as a 3 metre high wind turbine. Calum suffered a slight mishap before the prize-giving ceremony when a seagull snapped one of his turbine blades while he was taking a cigarette break in the car park. Mr Akram agreed Calum wouldn't have to wear his wind turbine costume while executing the trolley dash.
A hastily arranged consolation prize of a free fish supper for one from Big D's take-away was organised to quell complaints from a couple of well heeled millionaires who were in attendance. They'd rented their outfits at great expense from multi-award winning costume designer, Herbert Bagshot and were fully expecting to walk away with first prize. Part of Bagshot's forthcoming winter range, entitled 'Not another f***ing black house', these stunning 5 star creations will shortly be available to rent from £2500 per week.
Total raised on the night was an impressive £632.88. The Heb Girlz would like to thank the Yummy Mummies of the local Croileagan for preparing the delicious buffet, Catch 22 and John Murdo Morrison for the musical entertainment, Akram's, Brownie's and AD's for all the raffle prizes and last but by no means least, a very big thank-you to all those who turned out to show their support.
Finally, in a show of true community spirit, Calum was seen assisting the disgruntled millionaires after the show. They'd left the lights of their Land Rover switched on all night, resulting in a flat battery. Calum hadn't told anyone his wind turbine costume was fully functional. He connected himself to the vehicle's battery and faced into the wind. Seven hours later they were all on their way.
More of this sort of thing in my Heb Girlz set
Lara: Miss Mosh c/o Marcus Ranum