Cruzin' Cooler. I Kid You Not.
This is a real product. I swear. From the website:
"All the Cruzin Cooler needs is a designated driver. When the party is quite a ways from the parking lot, don't struggle with the cooler-drive it! Cruzin Cooler turns a large cooler into a motorized scooter, complete with power steering, disc brakes, and foot pedals. It's the easy way to transport food and drinks at sporting events or to the neighborhood barbecue. It maneuvers easily, clipping along up to 12-15 miles per hour. Cruzin Cooler has a 24-can capacity (with ice)."
Not included: functioning alcoholic.