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v2.263: November 18th (My Little Perfection) | by Phoney Nickle
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v2.263: November 18th (My Little Perfection)

We have to take our son to the doctor next Tuesday for a consult. The school specialist has suggested that we get him occupational therapy because his motor skills aren't progressing. His social skills aren't progressing. His eye contact and his coping skills aren't progressing.

 

Then the word "Autism" came up. Asperger's to be exact. And I lost it, right there in the meeting.

 

I've had all weekend to stew over this. To talk to my mom about it, my aunt (who specializes in autism and downs syndrome education) and my husband. And I have cried.

 

I had hoped our son would grow out of this.... this difficult place he's been at since he could talk. I thought that maybe this stage would end. But now? Now there is no end in sight. Just lots and lots of therapy.

 

I am so afraid. For us, because of how hard it's going to be. But for him, because life is hard enough without extra crap. I want for him a happy life, a life full of friends and laughter and love. And now? If this is what we have to look forward to, I fear for him so much.

 

And yes, I realize that this is a MINOR type of autism, if he does end up being diagnosed. I realize that we are lucky to have a child who is really intelligent, other problems aside.

 

I do love him. I love him so much. But my heart is just so broken right now.

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Taken on November 18, 2007