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I'm so gonna hit that! | by Misplaced Boy
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I'm so gonna hit that!

Press Release


Christian Group Denounces Starbucks

Over New Logo of Naked Mermaid


(San Diego, CA) Starbucks has recently introduced a new version of their logo which features a topless mermaid with her legs spread, which has caused outrage from a nation wide Christian media watchdog organization. The Resistance, with has over 3000 members nationwide, is boycotting Starbucks across the country saying their new logo is inappropriate.


“The Starbucks logo has a naked woman on it with her legs spread like a prostitute,” explains Mark Dice, founder of the group. “Need I say more? It’s extremely poor taste, and the company might as well call themselves, Slutbucks.”


The all-brown logo is a replica of the one the chain used when it opened its first store in Pike Place in Seattle in 1971. “The woman is actually a siren, not a mermaid, which in Greek mythology lures people to them with their beautiful songs, and then kills them,” explains Dice.


The Resistance is urging people to boycott Starbucks and get their caffeine fix somewhere else.


The Resistance has made international news for rebuking various Hollywood celebrities for their ridiculous behavior, including Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton, 50 Cent, Tom Cruise and others. They also demanded that Duke University change the name of their “Blue Devils” sports team to something not offensive to the Christian community.


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Copyright © by The Resistance Manifesto All Rights Reserved.


So this allegedly "Christian" group and some other people who desperately need stickuptheirassectomies have complained that national purveyor of nectar of the gods Starbucks has had the unmitigated gall to temporarily revert to their original logo from 1971. A logo that contains BARE BREASTS and suggests the possibility of NAUTICAL NOOKIE!!!


Other folks who have never had sex in their entire miserable lives have required that school teachers cover up the offending cups to prevent the precious wee ones from seeing UNCLAD FEMALE BOOBS! Because clearly the sight of the undraped female form would scar their little minds for life. How the hell do they think most of these kids were fed for the first few months of their lives?


Oh…I used the word “think” didn’t I?


By the way…“Slutbucks?” Really? You were up all night thinking of that one weren’t you?


If you want a laugh, go to that “Resistance Manifesto” web site. This guy Mark Dice or John Conner or whateverthehell (apparently his name is as fluid as his facts) goes on and on about the Bohemian Grove, Illuminati, Freemasons, and that all government officials including George W. Bush worship Satan. Actually, that last part would explain some things.


Then in the middle of the page he has a place where you can contribute money to keep the comedy coming. He has a goal of $1000 and so far from “over 3000 members nationwide” he has raised $67 from 4 contributors.


Mark…John…whoever, try the decaf dude!


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Taken on November 12, 2006