webs so fine, in my mind
I haven't talked about this much before (and if I have please forgive an addled mind), but I have often craved the platform to present "my case". I'm not even for certain if I will delve into it all here. The evening I am having, hell the week of evenings I have been having, demanded some words. There was a point in my life that strength felt like my only talent, my only friend, the only thing that would see me through another day I didn't want to handle. I hate to not be in control, this is something I grapple with EVERY DAY. But in my past there were situations I was frequently in that further cemented the parts of me that were weak shouldn't see the light of day or play them off as not as bad as they seemed. I remember when my workplace was on fire about how you should thrive on stress. Stress is good for you. Because I am tired of trying to live with that lie in my life I want to be very clear, Fuck you. Fuck you and your delusion I should welcome stress with open arms. Stress is the monster that has created a minefield of my mind and makes it difficult, on nights like these, to concentrate on ANYTHING. Sleep isn't finding me much this week and when it does I am crying out because of nightmares and physical pain that has presented itself in me due to stress. But I should thrive on stress. I can't read or watch movies. I am lucky I can accomplish anything during the day. Now to be clear, this week has not been a waste or even the worst week I have had recently. However, my inability to reach level ground this evening left me unable to remain silent. You can disagree with me, fine, but Stress is proven to be the very cause for so many things I am describing here and other things I haven't. I also don't want to nor do I have to justify to anyone my feelings on stress. I will deal. I will not deal with the lies I was force fed for too long.
I have no clue how I was able to write this with the way my mind has been today, but I’m thankful.
Did you know drinking 100% Grape Juice will help give you clarity of thought? It helps send oxygen the brain needs when it is feeling foggy or down right shitty like me tonight.