The Fluoride Uncertainty Theory
EPITAPH TO 2005:
LINCOLN CRIME BOSS BOWS OUT AS
"NUDE THERAPY" SHRINK'S SON'S
TEEN CANCER CHARITY PREVENTS NOTHING
After a thirty year career successfully failing to notice the mass dispensation of snake-oil medicine by unlicensed municipal dentists to every single resident, Lincolnshire's Crown Prosecution Service chief Alison Kerr is retiring with a rare bone cancer and some words to say about sentencing for dangerous drivers.
Meanwhile the son and daughter-in-law of Lincoln-population-fluoridating liar Councillor Dr Elizabeth Jenkins' long-since struck-off psychiatrist colleague John Harding-Price - famous for his naked mental health consultations - have set up a charity in memory of their son Matt who died of a, er, rare bone cancer.
If only young Matt had been able to recuperate in his grandfather's holiday property in Florida.
But by then the Court had made him give it back to his patient, "K", after a gruelling battle through the courts, during which time Harding-Price was first severely admonished for financial dishonesty, and finally cashiered by the GMC for a test-sample of bottom-slapping, underwear-moving and breach of confidentiality cases.
There was nothing else for it but to go and work in Ireland. Which he did, a couple of weeks later. He still occupies Hafod, the large house and grounds close to Lincoln's MRSA-infested County Hospital.
THE NATURE OF LINCOLN'S PSYCHO-SQUIREARCHY
Back in the 1970-80s golden age of Lincoln's St John's Giant Electric Mental Asylum For Yo-Yo-Knickered Ladies and Unwanted Relatives, Dr Harding-Price had probably quickly realised that it was the stress of overseas property management which had led victim K to seek his psychiatric advice, and relieved him accordingly.
But, showing scant understanding of modern psychiatric techniques, the trial judge eventually ruled that Harding-Price should return K's property for what he had originally paid for it - twelve years earlier - without interest.
The judgement cited the "undue influence created by the discrepancy in the price they paid K for the property and its value at the time of the transfer, together with the doctor-patient relationship between Dr Price and K."
A further appeal to the European Court of Human Rights by Dr Harding-Price and Mrs Mary Hazel Lowe, a Medical Secretary, didn't go to plan.
Between them, the two Lincoln health professionals felt that 1,353,842 English pounds and 37 pence would just about compensate them for the anguish and material loss which the fallout from K's treatment had brought about.
Matt died nine months later. But with an eerie sang-froid his Mum and Dad have worked out what teenagers with life-threatening illnesses need - laptops! Lots and lots of laptops. And so Lincoln's young Malcolms and Jocastas have been set to disco-ing away to raise funds.
His advice to terminally-ill youngsters (within a 50-mile radius of Lincoln Cathedral) is of a practical stripe - "hassle your ward or community based nurse or your social worker" - for a laptop!
This will knock cancer for six, and is obviously a far more plausible type of medical assistance than shoving your hand down a bewildered teenage road-accident victim's pants or swindling some nutter out of his Florida real estate.
INDUSTRY GROWTH MEANS GROWTH INDUSTRY
Dying teenagers look set to become a growth industry. This year saw a Colgate-sponsored Harvard dentist investigated for saying some research showed no association between fluoride and bone cancer - when it said exactly the opposite.
What's to investigate? It must have done, otherwise we would be able to read it. So he's a liar. Investigation over.
As I continue to avoid the trusting backwoods yokels' miracle treatment, and to look younger and less fucked-up than everyone around me, I'm very sorry about my inability to prove from the above that contamination of the natives' water with radionucleides by Matt's grandad's best mate Dr Jenkins and her colleagues on the former North Lincolnshire Health Authority (and before that Lincoln City Council and the Lincoln and District Water Board) is responsible for this pandemic of rare diseases, involving the type of suffering which only laptops can alleviate.
Or that fluoride intoxication generally is a factor in Lincolnshire's extraordinary criminal behaviour on the roads and elsewhere.
This is not how we do statistics, and of course the idea that there is any link between the
must seem ludicrous to normal, docile, uncritical, conventional, authority-led, fluoridated people.
Mr Harding-Price Jr., now Chairman of the RCN Mental Health Practice Forum is, to his credit, something of an opponent of hardline government plans "that would have meant mentally ill people living in the community could be forced to take their medication, and dangerous people with severe personality disorders could be detained, even if they had not committed a crime."
All we need now is an end to forced medication for people simply because they may have dangerous teeth.
And the compulsory detention of deranged councillors and health officials whose megalomania is so severe that they end up prescribing fertiliser factory waste for the whole population, thus increasing the mineral and vitamin requirement of those they deludedly believe are their "patients" - i.e. everyone.
I'm sure doctors don't want to see health food shops benefit from their unqualified colleagues' actions.
And a spell drying out in a secure unit wondering when they can go home would do many of our local politicans a power of good.
JUSTICE OR JUST ICE?
The positive side to this for Lincolnshire's justice-mongers is that there is still time to halt the fluoridation of the Lincoln natives whilst allowing Ray Barber, Charlie Ireland and the other surviving perps to slither away as though a couple of generations of Texas-toothed minimongism never happened.
But I would say one thing to the Chief Prosecutor's successor...
You don't have to be Einstein.
Happy New Year, everyone!