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212/365 How To Rescue | by Linus & the Feel Good Factory
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212/365 How To Rescue

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My most prestigious investors. If your town or business is threatened by a dragon and you are searching for a rescue party, fret not! You don't even need to be holding out for a hero til the end of the night! All you have to do is to dial this number: 0118 999 881 999 119 725 3, and the emergency knighthood will be at your service (€10 per minute, minimal charge is €5000).

 

How to rescue

 

1. Search for baddies

 

2. Look our for the towns and businesses under seige

 

3. Wander into the forests. Watch out for bandits

 

4. Call emergency service, if encountered any of the above

 

5. If you prefer taking matters in your own hands, go home

 

6. Fashion a white armour, especially a shiny helmet

 

7. Always polish your helmet when you are idle

 

8. Take up a squire, and educate him on the art of helmet-polishing

 

9. Teach him how to poke with your lance, and practise sword-play

 

10. Ride and ramble around the world

 

11. When a town is in danger, fight off the black knights

 

12. Convince the grey knights to join you in the course of good

 

13. Fight off dragons and monsters. Preserve the freedom of business and people

 

14. Never demand payment

 

15. Instead, make them crown you as King/Prime Minister/President/Director/CEO - and demand virgins as tributes

 

Caution

Run away if you are fighting viscious women, they are mad

Run away from Killer Rabbits, unless you have the Holy Hand Grenade

Never work with knights who demand shrubbery as payment for labour, ni!

  

This knightly advice is brought to you by Linus & The Feel Good Factory.

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Taken on July 31, 2011