212/365 How To Rescue
My most prestigious investors. If your town or business is threatened by a dragon and you are searching for a rescue party, fret not! You don't even need to be holding out for a hero til the end of the night! All you have to do is to dial this number: 0118 999 881 999 119 725 3, and the emergency knighthood will be at your service (€10 per minute, minimal charge is €5000).
How to rescue
1. Search for baddies
2. Look our for the towns and businesses under seige
3. Wander into the forests. Watch out for bandits
4. Call emergency service, if encountered any of the above
5. If you prefer taking matters in your own hands, go home
6. Fashion a white armour, especially a shiny helmet
7. Always polish your helmet when you are idle
8. Take up a squire, and educate him on the art of helmet-polishing
9. Teach him how to poke with your lance, and practise sword-play
10. Ride and ramble around the world
11. When a town is in danger, fight off the black knights
12. Convince the grey knights to join you in the course of good
13. Fight off dragons and monsters. Preserve the freedom of business and people
14. Never demand payment
15. Instead, make them crown you as King/Prime Minister/President/Director/CEO - and demand virgins as tributes
Run away if you are fighting viscious women, they are mad
Run away from Killer Rabbits, unless you have the Holy Hand Grenade
Never work with knights who demand shrubbery as payment for labour, ni!
This knightly advice is brought to you by Linus & The Feel Good Factory.