Day 49 - The hardest part isn't finding what we need to be,

It's being content with who we are.


- The Hero Dies In This One`


This tattoo means the world to me. The first time I heard this song, I was about 13. My friend had burned me a copy of her "So Long Astoria" and as soon as I got home from school I put it in my cd player and listened to the whole cd. When it got to this song I fell instantly in love. The lyric "The hardest part isn't finding what we need to be, It's being content with who we are." is spoken and so you have to turn the volume up to really make out what he's saying. I played the song over and over again until I could figure out what he was saying. And once I heard it, it stuck with me. At 13 I was a pretty lost kid. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted to be. I was unhappy with the way I looked - my weight, my hair, my Wal-Mart wardrobe. I didn't like myself very much at all. Through the years I've learned what it means to be content and how to love myself despite my flaws. Kris's words are true. The hardest part isn't finding what we need to be. It's being content with who we are. As long as I'm happy with the person I am, everything will be okay.


Covering my scars wasn't easy. It's hard to let go of something like that. It took a long time for me to be ready to stop cutting. I'm finally happy with who I am. I don't need to cut anymore. The hardest part - being content - I've achieved it.


This is the best birthday present I've ever gotten. My brother bought it for me. I was so surprise and so touched when he offered to pay for it. Getting it done on my birthday, having my brother buy it for me and be there with me while it was being done just meant so much. Every time I look down on it, I'll remember him and that day and all the struggles I've overcome and what those words mean.


It hurt like a bitch. Especially on my wrist and near my elbow-pit. Oh my god, I thought he was dragging a hot knife into my arm. But it was SO worth it. And I can't wait to get another one!


You can see the whole thing HERE!

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Taken on January 1, 2007