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You May Have Won This Round...

No you didn't...


I haven't paid a parking ticket in Chicago since 1986.


I knew this day would come.


I had some business at the airport.


Where the City was waiting for me.


It was a freakin' trap I swear to gahd.


That parking garage was loaded with cars that had been booted.


Gave me an 'ominous' feelin' just seein' it.


In the movies I think they call that 'foreboding' or something.


I knew the gig was up.


I was caught with my pants down and treated to a little 'municipal morning love' courtesy of the City of Chicago.


A special kind of 'Chicago-Love' if you will.


I was dreading what this one was gonna cost me as I walked to the convenient 'revenue cashier' located right next to the parking garage at the airport.


I whipped out my credit card and told 'the man' that I was caught and now it was time to 'pay the piper.'


You can't get mad about these things you know?


I deserved it.


You 'do the crime' you gotta 'pay the fine' or something like that.


A thousand bucks and change.


Definitely not the way you wanna start your day.


I asked the man how many tickets they had me on.


'Nine' he said.


'Suckas' I said as I paid the bill.


'How far back do they go' I asked him.


'To 2001' he said as he read from his computer screen.


Three vehicles back.


But the tickets I got between 1986 and 2001... fifteen years worth... the 'juvenile' years...


the years I really let 'em pile up...


dude said they don't exist any more.


Man... I thought I was in for three to five grand.


He asked me if I wanted to make a 'payment plan.'


'I couldn't pay the tickets... I'm sure I won't comply with the payment plan' I said 'just do me now.'


I made sure that I got a receipt that said I was all paid up.


The thing that's just not fair to the 'Everyday Joe' is that being a 'corporation' and basically that my life is all business...


I can write this shit off...


thanks to 'Luminous Flying Helgramite Industries'...


pay for it with 'pre-tax dollars' and basically get a discount of fifty percent.


It's a cost of doing business.


Like when I get arrested for one of my company vehicles not having its emissions test done.


Even though it's been unregistered and sitting in the junkyard for five years after getting wrecked.


I've got nothing to complain about.


I really just hope that these people don't end up running health care.


Then going to the doctor will feel about as good as going to get your drivers license renewed.


And after you get stitched up or whatever...


you'll hobble out to the parking lot where you'll find a boot on your car.


It's all just 'a system.'


It's My Kind of Town

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Taken on July 24, 2012