3d pan white

waiting for the world to swallow me whole.

for some reason, i just cant fall completely in love with this photo, but its the best i could do given all of the circumstances, and for that i truly appreciate it.


anyway, in case you havent noticed, my photography is extremely autobiographical and this image is no exception. i was inspired to create this by my papa (grandfather), though strangely enough part of me wants him not to see it due to my choice in attire. ;) but my papa is one of the most important people in my life, and i love him so dearly. im a lot like him, and he is someone who definitely taught me to dream, and to be persistent. he continues to teach me beautiful things everyday, with his wisdom and charm. but one thing that makes me more heartbroken than anything in the world, is his health. i mean, things could be a lot worse, but he has had two heart attacks and has talked about how he has accepted death - hes lived a good life that he has loved, and again, that is something i admire deeply. its not that i fear death, necessarily, because i dont. i know my own spirituality and i wouldnt be scared of my own death; but losing someone i love is foreign to me and THAT is what terrifies me sometimes. i dont know how i could live without my papa, but someday ill have no choice but to learn.


so long story short, here is this character who has accepted her demise - this image is intended to be peaceful, and i hope that comes across. death, like all things, has a beautiful side.


this is also the first proper self portrait ive done in months! its different being on both sides of the lens, and i can say that i sort of miss it. my boyfriend and i drove out to the beach at sunrise and watching the sun come up over the ocean, and watching the huge waves crash in was so inspiring. though it was far too cold to be laying in the water... (a solid 34 degrees)


oh yea, and florida was fun. :)


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Taken on January 6, 2012