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176.365 ~ .chin up, little one. | by just.K
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176.365 ~ .chin up, little one.

I'm gonna be honest, I've been staying scarce on purpose.

This is a time where for once I don't really feel like showing my emotions, because I really don't have a grip on them.

I don't really like that.

 

Please don't anyone think I'm curled in the corner and sobbing like crazy, cos I'm not.

I'm just dealing.

I will be just fine, however different, once this passes.

 

For the first time I'm just trying to handle myself, and it's not just something I can figure out in one day..

I'm a bit humbled by how the process is going, actually.

So, my apologies for just dropping off and not being here. I'm okay, I'm alive, breathing and moving on as I suppose naturally we do.

 

On a further note, the husband and I and friend of ours has arranged a get together tomorrow night for all of us who loved our friend.

I know it will be therapeutic for me, and I'm greatly looking forward to feeling like I'm not the only one a bit teetering on the edge of my emotions.

I'm also afraid I will shut down a bit and wallow away from the group, so I'm preparing myself to not do so.

I'm hoping I will cope well.

 

As the days go by, I remember more and more. And I'm relieved by the fact that I am embracing the way those memories make me feel, rather than being tormented by them.

 

The formal memorial is on Sunday.

I don't usually like to bring up religion or beliefs, but I would appreciate any and all prayers and thoughts for him and his loved ones during this time.

 

And I also encourage everyone, as I have been forced to learn, tell everyone and anyone what you feel while you feel it.

You never know when you will be unable to.

 

xoxo

 

oh, and listen to this, just because Phil would want you to. ;-)

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Taken on October 23, 2009