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woohoo I'm still alive. And hopelessly behind.

 

This is Snickers, my handsome companion since I was four years old. He's slowly reaching the end of his days and I'm dreading leaving him when I head back to school next week. My other cat passed away suddenly while I was away at school four months ago, and I'm terrified that the same thing is going to happen to him and that I won't be there for his final moments, that I won't get to say goodbye.

 

Its funny, but in a way I'm more scared to go back to school now than I was last year. A year ago I said goodbye to everything I'd ever known and started a new life in a strange city, with no idea of what was to come over the next nine months. But my goodbyes were not final, because I knew that no matter what happened, I'd be returning to my childhood home, to my friends and my family and my old ways of life, for one last summer. And now summer is over and my parents are selling our home and the last of my childhood pets is dying and I'm turning twenty in a month and it will be at least three years before I return to California for more than a couple of weeks, and I'm forced to realize that the goodbyes I'm saying now really are final. I love my life in Philly more than anything, and I'm so excited to return to my friends and my classes and the city I've grown to love, but I'll miss the comfort and security of knowing that my old life is still out there, exactly how I left it. My childhood is slipping away from me, and despite all the times that I wished I was older, I'm suddenly terrified of growing up.

 

{two hundred and twenty eight}

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Taken on September 10, 2012