Tuesday, August 2, 2005
It has been four and a half months since out last encounter. We've gone this long and longer without speaking but never with animosity between us. Each of these times I've been the one to break the silence but I can honestly say that this is the last time. I refuse to live my life like this. I have to assume you just don't care because you've been confronted on more than one occassion and given a fresh start on such occassions. I cannot express to you the wrenching sorrow I feel. I try to put you from my mind and from my heart. I try to speak of you as if it doesn't break my heart and this always results in tears. I feel so abandoned.
Is life so bad? Are you so depressed you can't function properly? I prefer this thought to the belief that you are just an incredibly selfish individual. Your daily actions do not effect me like I am sure they do those in your home- but I know you can do so much better. You can be a contribution to society. You have so many things to offer this world and Him. I hope and pray that you get the help you need. Until you do I have to pretend you don't exist. I have to move on with my life. I have to get help for the damage done. But don't worry (if even you would), I'll be okay.
Note: I wrote this letter in my journal and I do not intend on mailing it. Just writing it helped.