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Excuse Me, Can We Talk For a Minute? | by Jibby!
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Excuse Me, Can We Talk For a Minute?

“As a messiah, I’ve got to say that I’ve been sorely disappointed in the way so many of you are treating your fellow humans. Especially those of you who claim me as your savior.


I would like to direct you to one of my favorite passages in the New Testament. It is Matthew 25, verses 31-46, more popularly known as the parable of the Sheep and the Goats. I won’t quote it here, but you can look it up. However, it essentially says that the way you treat the least among you is the way you are treating Jesus himself.


So imagine my surprise when you pass legislation keeping homosexual people from getting married. Whether you believe their lifestyle is right or wrong, denying anybody equal civil rights is just bigotry. It is a prejudice based on your own fears, and has nothing to do with what I am quoted as saying in the four Gospels.


I wish you would please notice more things like the above-mentioned portion of Matthew, or my even more famous Sermon on the Mount.


But better yet, I would like you to all indulge in a game right now. I want all of you heterosexuals out there to choose the other side for one day. For twenty four hours I want all the straight men to desire their best male friend in a sexual way. The same goes for straight women.


But wait, you say you can’t choose to be attracted to something that is not in your nature? Hmm. I wonder how those gay people do it? Makes me wonder if maybe their brains are wired that way. They might actually be programmed to be gay.


You know, now that I think of it, it seems the only time a gay person is making a sexual choice is when they pretend to be heterosexual because they fear your judgment and actions. Your narrow-mindedness and hate toward them have driven them underground.


And now you are passing laws against them. Judging them. Hm, I know it I said something about judgment, but that was so long ago I’m having trouble remembering it myself. But I do remember something about judging not, and something about throwing stones.


In fact, I remember a whole lot of things I said about loving others, and turning the other cheek. I sure wish you’d listen to those things a little more.


Look, I’ve gotta go. There’s a big party at Uriel’s tonight and I’m supposed to bring the guacamole. But I’m sure you’ll start to practice transcendent compassion any day now. I believe in you. See ya. Love ya bunches.”

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Taken on November 19, 2008