Over the last 14 years, I've questioned everything and everyone in my life; with the exception of Fräulein. I miss her so damn much.
Long story short, she had suffered from severe hip dysplasia and had recently lost most of her mobility and also began to suffer from seizures. Watching your best friend of 14 years go into convulsions is simply heart wrenching. I got Fräulein when I was only 10 years old, so I really don't know life without this dog-- I've had her for more than half of my life. HALF OF MY LIFE.
Seeing her in pain was unbearable and waking up several times the middle of the night to check up on her was very taxing (physically or mentally). I actually couldn't help but to wonder if this is what being a parent is like. Is this the feeling that my mom felt when I was ill and stuck in the hospital for a few days? It's hard to imagine any feeling worse than this type of helplessness and the frustration that follows it.
Her loss puts me into a bit of a predicament; she was always there when I lost a loved one. After the loss of my father, she helped keep me sane and we spent hours upon hours together. Even with the loss of friends, grandparents, girlfriends, and every other type of loved one and hardship, she was there to help me through it all. I know this is going to sound cliché but... now what am I supposed to do?