L is for Lisa E.
Back when prime-time thespian (and my dream girlfriend) Lisa Edelstein was a funky club kid, she wrote, directed and starred in her own musical at La Mama, NYC.
It was really one of (if not the) first theatrical pieces to deal upfront with HIV and AIDS. Bear in mind this was before Angels in America and RENT, back when the disease had barely been given a name, still written off as some homo punishment that upstanding citizens didn't have to worry about.
And from this piece we get the (hilariously accented) 'I Hate Condoms'.
It's weird isn't it, that 20 years later the papers are once again full of warnings about the increase of HIV and other STDs. A damning report of the effectiveness of bullshit sex education provided by Catholic schools or abstinence only programmes.
Unprotected sex isn't big, and it really, really isn't clever. Herein endeth the Lola PSA.
I Hate Condoms (from Positive Me)
I mean I do not know what to ask him 'cause I really do not know just what to say.
I mean I do I say well put this on in the middle of the act, oh God no way!
I mean God it's so embarrasing to stop until to turn the lamp from off to dim.
I mean gross I'd have to see it worse he'd probably make me put it on him.
Oh it's a condom!
It's this girl's man made nightmare, oh god a condom. Just when I got over pubic hair and all that stuff down there.
I mean my mother says that if I can't deal with condoms then I shouldn't deal with intercourse.
She says for me I always fake it so for me I'm missing nothing, it would be his loss. Of course of course.
And friends suggest that I go buy condoms and get used to how they feel by putting them on fruits.
They say it's better to use rubber than to sign your own death warrant, even if the guy is real cute.
But I hate condoms !
The way they look and smell and taste and feel.
I really really hate condoms.
They make me nauseous, my head starts to reel, they have no sex appeal.
I think they're cool to use as a balloon.
I'd love to blow one up and kick it around the room.
But I mean God, I'm sorry, don't put one near my body.
Besides that he looks healthy! I'll never be exposed to HIV!
And I hate condoms. I trust him anyway.
Yes, I hate condoms. I mean, what can I say?
Hope it's my lucky day!
Oh, and I'm not labelling this NSFW, because it's only a bit of latex and for God's sake, this prudishness about safe sex is why we still have so many problems in the first place!