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Love & Life | by dziner
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Love & Life

Well, needless to say, it's been a difficult weekend for me. I had to end the relationship between someone who became very close to me over the last few months. So close that she has been living with me for about two months. I still care about her. She's an incredibly nice person. It just came down to us having different views on what friendship is and commitment. It looks like I'm not the person with commitment issues. But she doesn't seem to be at the place in her life to settle down. With that aside, I'd like to explain this photo.


After a sleepless Saturday night, with my significant other nowhere to be found, my nerves were shot. The only thing I knew was that she went to dinner with someone. She didn't call, didn't answer my calls or text messages. I was wondering if she was in an accident, or worse, was she at this guys house.


My phone rang and I answered it. It was her. I was still very uneasy and angry. But her answer was that she was tired and just slept at the guys house like I had thought. But she said it was just as friends. I had my coffee made to try to get through the day and my daughter was now awake. I went to the back porch with my coffee because I didn't know how the conversation would go. My daughter really liked this person and didn't want to submit her to hearing any argument (many of you know how much I hate arguments and conflict). As I'm outside with the morning sun shining on me, discussing the situation on the phone, my daughter comes out and asks if she can make some breakfast. I tell her it's fine. A minute later she comes out with this bread tie and says, "Daddy, look, it's a heart." I knod in acknowledgment and she goes back inside to finish her breakfast.


So here I am. Explaining my frustrations and my heart sinking in my stomach. My daughter seems to have known what was going on. She knew I was hurt. She knew something was wrong. And I can just imagine her looking at this piece of plastic and seeing the heart in it. And her decision to come show me. Just that very small gesture means the world to me.


My ex-significant other seems to think it's fine to make out with someone, even as friends, when you're living with someone. My view is that she was moving way too fast with me. Maybe she sees the nice guy in me which attracts her to me. But the nice guys always get hurt. And why should this be any different. She's not ready for commitment. And I understand that. And maybe in a way, I'm becoming scared of relationships. Or maybe I just need to take things much slower next time.


It's nice to see the unconditional love I get from my daughter though. She will always be the closest to my heart. And I thank her for that. So although love seems to come and go in my life, my daughter always keeps me surrounded by her own love.

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Taken on April 17, 2005