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just clowning around | by flush gorden
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just clowning around

I don't like people. Although I feel that's an oversimplification. I am uncomfortable around people. But then sometimes I'm not. But then there are other times when I'm borderlines gregarious with a tiny smattering of extrovert. A tiny tiny bit. Although that's only if no one is watching. You're probably wondering why I'm telling you this. I think it's to fill up space and use up words.

 

No, it's...I suppose it might be...hmm how to put it. Righty...I take many self-portraits. Not the quiet snap selfie but the "I have an idea and no one to pose for me" sort of self-portraits. Most of the time I take them, I post them, I forget about them. Then there are those moments where I start to think about what I'm doing. Then think about what other people might be thinking about what I'm doing. Then realise I don't care what they think but still feel I have to explain what I'm doing. I do it because it's fun. It's silly. It can be a cathartic way of exorcising the things going around in my head. And I'm the only one here.

 

It goes back to the being uncomfortable around people. Someone asks me to take photos and I start thinking about all the things that can go wrong and how outside of my usual controlled environment I've no idea what I'm doing. I'd like to take photos of people for the enjoyment of taking them with no pressure or expectations. However, they would have to wait for an average of four years before I feel comfortable with them to get snapping.

 

Till then I'll just keep cataloguing my impending oldness. But I'll still be pretty.

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Taken on July 20, 2021