Swallowed In The Sea

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    Are the streets you're walking on,
    A thousand houses long?
    Well that's where I belong,
    And you belong with me,
    Not swallowed in the sea.
    - Coldplay, Swallowed in the Sea

    Hello my friends, long time no see! I have pretty much been neither here nor there for the past while. About 8 weeks ago I saw someone killed in a terrible snowmobiling accident. It was really bad.

    I was really surprised at how hard it hit me. At first I was really depressed and slept a lot, then I couldn’t seem to get off the couch. For the next few weeks I found myself just going through the motions. Visions of what I had seen just kept going through my mind. One day I was an emotional mess the next I felt numb and detached from reality. When I did finally start feeling better I felt guilty because I was moving on but my friend was still dead.

    Family and Friends tried to help, and I took comfort in knowing that they were there for me but I found that this was something I really had to go through on my own. It felt like I had a broken leg, it was just going to take some time to heal.

    So it’s been two months and felt it was time to try to express these feelings in a photo. I wanted to show the feelings that I was going through – sadness, guilt, vapidness, confusion and isolation. I am feeling better now, but I don’t think I will ever be the same.

    Thank you for all of your help and support during this rough time. I hope that I will be able to return the favor some day.


    p.s. Yea, Chuck it does look like I've lost the remote. :)

    fastfastlane, MyrkoThum, ClueWagon, and 9 other people added this photo to their favorites.

    1. hebrew calligraphy 74 months ago | reply

      Very photography..... good shoot and the nice composition !!!!

    2. Bartholomule 74 months ago | reply

      Nice PJs. Probably a good thing you didn't show them in full color. ;-)

      Sorry, I couldn't think of anything else to say.

    3. KellyB. 74 months ago | reply

      Thanks but they are black and grey so you're seeing them pretty much as they are.

    4. donnat333 74 months ago | reply

      omg - that is so terrible. I am so sorry for your loss - I really don't know what to say other than that. You have to take it one day at a time and do the best you can. Thankfully you have friends and family around to give you love and support - and some friends in the online world of flickr. My heart goes out to you -

    5. KellyB. 74 months ago | reply

      Thanks Donna. I am feeling much better now. Expressing my feelings, through photography or otherwise, has helped a lot.

    6. bluheron 74 months ago | reply

      Kelly, I am sorry to hear of the loss that you and your friend's family experienced. Grief is not dealt with very well in our Western culture, and the realities of death are very much pushed aside, covered up and hidden from everyday life. So it is not surprising to hear of your difficulty in dealing with it. If you contrast the way Americans and westerners in general deal with death to the way that eastern and african cultures do, for instance, you will find a huge difference. In these places, death is part of everyday life, and the grief process is shared by the community. I'm glad to hear you are working through the feelings and emotions, and if I can do anything to help at all, please let me know.

    7. CharlesUibel 74 months ago | reply

      Sorry to hear about your tragedy.
      I put a funny note on your picture, then I read your story.
      It made my joke all the more not funny.
      So I took it off.
      I see you have returned to humor with the blueberry pie crack on my picture. That's a good sign.
      Although it did sort of look like you could not find the remote in the couch, I see now that you have been dealing with some heavy stuff.
      You are setting a good example in lots of things. glad to know you.

    8. KellyB. 74 months ago | reply

      Heron, thanks for your kind words. I think I was OK with the death, but the way that it happened really threw me. The gore, for a lack of a better word, was really bad. That and the fact that she was only 22. The Post Traumatic Stress took over for a while.

      Chuck, that is funny. It made me laugh, out loud even. Heavy stuff becomes much easier to carry with some light humor.

      Thanks to you both for your thoughts.

    9. alison.livingston 73 months ago | reply

      Oh God that sounds awful. I am so sorry. No advice, just sympathy for you.

    10. kumquat24u 54 months ago | reply

      I'm struck by your photo, having looked at many here. Yours stands out with it's depth, having read the background, I'd like your permission to use this in medical brochure I'm doing on depression for a physicians office practice. Would that be ok? I think your photo could impact many who might be also struggling with depression to know they aren't alone. I will include credits to you within the publication. Thank you so much.
      Please reply to coffmanleanne@yahoo.com

    11. hipnopsi 39 months ago | reply

      Publicada en: Reflepsiones


    12. The Story of Rei 6 months ago | reply

      I'm sorry to hear you went through that kind of experience and loss. I am glad you were able to funnel it into creative expression though. I am honored to be able to use this photo (linked back to you - thank you for making it available through creative commons!) in my blog post today where I discuss my own struggles with mental illness, and what it means to be strong, to battle stigma, and to strive for sincerity.


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