Dear Steve Jobs,
how are you these days? Busy, I can imagine.
Just wanted to drop you a note and let you know my laptop is doing well, although she went through a lot these last months. It all started when I decided to move from the US to Norway, and your representatives told me that my Apple Care protection would not be valid once I had moved to Norway. Why? I asked. They weren't sure. They advised me to be very careful with my less than a year old laptop, so that nothing would happen to it, because if it DID, well, I'd be screwed. Even though I had already paid for my apple care for two more years. Even though it is possible to fix my US born laptop in Europe, too. Maybe you can explain that better? Perhaps you know something they don't.
But I didn't complain much. I took their advice and handled my laptop with much care. I even got an external hard-drive to offload that extra weight when she gained a few gigabytes (Wish there was a product for me to offload my extra weight. Don't you?) so she wouldn't start complaining (like I do).
Anyway, one day, I was writing a heated story on my laptop. I was sitting in a cafe, enjoying my lattee, typing away like crazy. I really like how you did those keyboards, Steve, they're so easy to tap. Love it. But suddenly, this horrible, horrible flame appeared in the middle of my screen, it grew stronger and stronger until I knew I wasn't dreaming and slapped my laptop shut in terror, thinking it was overheating because of all that naughty stuff I wrote, swearing to God I would never be that risky again.
That's when I saw the candle on the other side. On that table, in this little charming coffee store, was a candle. It is cold in Norway, you know. We need the extra heat. And my shiny, beautiful, adorable glowing apple... it was full of blisters.
As you can imagine, I started to cry. I cried so hard that all my tears fell down on this tiny little apple on fire. And then the fire stopped.
All I could think of were your representatives, the ones who told me that they took my money but wouldn't honor the warranty anyway. They told me to be careful, and here I was, so overjoyed at typing on this beautiful laptop that I had forgotten the lurking dangers and set her on fire. I guess the truth is that the warranty hadn't been of much help to me and my broken apple even if I was still in the states, anyway. It was all my fault, wasn't it?
But thankfully, you had already thought of this. You had made my laptop fireproof!! For how does this story end?
With a scruffy looking yet still glowing apple and a tiny, tiny brown spot on my screen. Thank you, Steve. You're a star.