Ego at 45
My annual birthday self portrait.
You would think that when you reach 45, you would have it all under control. That you would know exactly where your life is at. You’re in a secure job, you know where you are going to live for maybe the rest of your life and everything is calm, controlled and set.
However, even if I do turn 45 today (unbelievable, eh?), my life is anything but all the things I listed above. I’ve no idea what I’ll be doing after October (when my current contract with a local newspaper runs out). After being on furlough from my day job for almost a year, which is a long as they can keep me on furlough, it’s a pretty safe bet that I won’t be returning there.
So where does my life go now? I’ve no idea. My son is in Idaho as an exchange student until next summer. I don’t have a steady job in Molde. And I’ve no relatives here. I’ve got several clients here, but it’s really not enough to keep me going financially, unless a long term assignment pops up. There are certainly no IT jobs here, and not really any steady journalistic jobs either. A move therefore seems inevitable in the not so distant future.
I’ve told people that I’ve chosen to look upon this as an adventure. And while I really do that, I have days where I can get a bit down in the dumps. Yesterday was one of those days. They suck, but they pass.
I have contemplated travelling the world and do all the things I should have done in my 20s. And a part of me gets excited by that. But the realistic parts of me are telling me to stop being an idiot. I would certainly have to either get rid of my apartment, or rent it out, if I decide to explore the world. But to move away from my view? And my friends here…. I don’t know.
But I’m not going to brood. There are several things to be thankful for. It could always be worse. Here’s that I would like to toast to on my birthday:
My son, whom I lovingly refer to as the offspring, is a constant source of pride. He has really, really turned in to a fine young man. Guess I wasn’t so bad at this dad thing after all.
Both my parents are alive, and I’m going up north this week to celebrate their 75th birthdays.
I have my sister, my brother in law and their kids, whom I adore.
I have lots of friends who have been a fantastic support for me (there are some exceptions but they are no longer people I consider friends) and since I think friends are the element that keeps life together, I’m immensely grateful for that
I met my beautiful Kasia this year, and fell headlessly and completely in love in a way I haven’t done since I can’t remember. Just thinking of her makes me happy and she can put a smile on my face on the worst of days. I miss her so much, since she lives in the UK, and I’ve contemplated going there for a while. Or maybe full time. Any job tips are welcome.
I’m constantly being told that I’m good at what I do. Yes, of course this boosts your ego, but most important of all: It means I’m good at doing what I love to do! Anybody who find themselves in that position are the luckiest people alive.
I’ve mostly got my health on track and have little to worry about there. Remember: Any day above ground is a good day.
I really can’t complain. Well, I can, but I try not to. So here’s to my 46th year. May it be as interesting as the 45th and may I continue my quest at becoming a better person.
And I hope I’m generous. With my friendship, my work, my time, my money and my feelings. If I’m not, smack me on the back of the head and tell me to get a grip!
Ok, back to my Lego now.