To Heaven and Beyond
My dearest Nayantara,
On 10 May 2014 at 11:05am, you left us. For the first time in our lives, we got to hold you in our arms. You were light, soft, barely warm and tiny. You looked exhausted, after days of antibiotics, stomach washes, oxygen bursts and sedatives. It seemed as though you've had enough, and it's time you went to a better place where you could play, sing and meet beautiful children just like you.
Your Baba and I always joked how you'd teach us to be more humane. In the 15 days we watched you struggle, prayed to God and counted on a miracle, we realized how much we loved you, what we wouldn't do to protect you, and how beautiful parenthood can be. We argued with the nurses so they would wear head masks, in case you got infected from a speck of germ in their hair; we argued with the doctors so they turn you around in your sleep, in case your body hurt from sleeping in the same position for hours; we argued with the world, in case they thought, even for a micro second, you wouldn't make it. We even got you tiny shoes, so your feet wouldn't get cold.
And before we knew it, you were gone. It was the most painful moment of our entire lives, and your tiny body, wrapped inside white cloth, was all we had of you.
You wouldn't believe how many micro memories you left us with. The way you'd kick inside the incubator, the way you'd blink when we peered through the glass, the touch of your tiny fingers, the shape of your feet, the sound of your heart beating, the way you'd look at us, the smell of your hair, the way you'd sleep with your mouth slightly open, your muffled cries... and so much more.
We wanted you to see the whole world with us. However, God chose otherwise, and we know you are in the safest place we could possibly imagine, in the blessings of God.
We wanted to read Roald Dahl and Thakurmar Jhuli to you, teach you to ride your first bicycle, take you to school, help you fight bullies, and so many other wonderful things. Instead, you taught us to be patient, to be kind, to be strong, to be brave. You taught us to love each other no matter what, to hold on, to find happiness in life's simplicity.
You are a blessing, and remember, wherever you are, your Baba and your Maa loves you so very much. You will always be our little angel, our daughter, our gift, our Nayantara.
May God keep you safe and bless you, my darling.