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only the lonely | by bandita
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only the lonely

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It's one week until my 36th birthday. I remember when I was closing in on 30, older friends would tell me that their 30s were the best time of their life. I think they might have lied.

 

Among other things (including being diagnosed with MS a few months after my 30th birthday) I have spent my my 30's thus far in a constant state of singleness. I try to convince myself and others that I don't care. That I'm happier being single than I have ever been in a relationship. Which is true. But this is due the fact that I haven't been in the kinds of relationships that are healthy for me.

 

Is it too much to ask for someone who's face lights up when you enter the room?

Is it too much to ask for someone who can adore me for being me...the good, and the not so good?

Is it too much to ask for someone who listens and much as they talk?

Is it too much to ask for someone who can give as well as take?

Is it too much to ask for someone who will hold my gaze, and let me know that I can trust them without saying a word?

Is it too much to ask for someone who will let me know how much they want me?

Is it too much to ask for someone whose bare skin flashes through my mind, pleasantly distracting me from homework...or work?

Is it too much to ask for someone who will dance with me, but knows when to give me some space?

Is it too much to ask for someone who can curl my toes?

 

I'm pretty convinced that this actually is too much to ask for. Maybe I should just get a dog.

 

 

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Taken on July 5, 2009