Caio Fern, acrylic on canvas 2012
I think I can really make a revolution about "how to become a greate painter". Just because Ilike to help people spreading my knowlege.
First wake up early in the morning feeling cramps and spend 30 minutes in bed trying to find any excuse to do not paint.
Then realise you have all the excuses on the wold but you are going to do it anyway.
Have on any clothes and go to bathroom and after peeing, brushing teeth and washing the face go to the studio hating yourself.
Spent 20 minutes stopped in front of the table looking to art supplies and again trying to find an excuse to do not even touch it.
After to have found really convincing excuses to turn your back to art and start a brand new normal life, you don't resist and start to prepare the paint.
Pray to God asking to survive.
Sit in front of the canvasses that had been prepared the night before.
Start to paint.
After few minutes curse everything you see and touch, hate yourself even more and curse every single aspect of your life, past and present.
Complain about the texture of the paint, about the cheap brushes and about the light.
After 30 minutes throw every thing on the floor and say that is giving up.
Pick everything up again and restart the job.
Start to say that painting is the most annoying activity a human being can practice on this planet and make statements affirming that all painters are dumb, the dumbest kind of people in the world ever. That you must to be retarded for being able to enjoy painting. That you hate women that come to talk to you at the parties saying:" I heard you are a painter, I love to paint, isn't it relaxing and fun ?" Make promises that you will kill everybody that loves to paint.
Say to yourself that you will only paint a small part of the work and leave the rest for the next day.
Don't resist and keep painting.
Complain that the painting doesn't obey what you see. Complain that nothing works in this life.
Take few steps from the work and realize it is a crap.
Keep painting for one more hour but it isn't able to fix anything that was wrong.
Get fiscally exhausted and say it is over and you finished and will never want to see this work again.
take distance and realize it is horrible but you are too exhausted to give a single fuck.
Take a lame picture and post on your blog expecting compliments.
TA DAAAAA !!!!!!
Congratulations. Now you are a real painter.