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U-Pull-It on the 'Swinger's' Glovebox

Yep, it's a Dodge "Swinger", maybe that unfortunate name might have been a contributing factor in this sad demise. "Sorry, officer, we left our stash in the Swinger's glovebox." It also stimulates a train of thought--all the truly unfortunate names given to cars over the years: the Ford "Mainliner", the Plymouth "Duster", the Datsun "Fairlady" (a name so horrendous the importer brought it in simply as the model number on the drawings: "240-Z"), the Chevy "Citation" ('Sir, I'm going to let you off with a 'warning' since your car already has such an unlucky name..."). The Ford "Pinto" (slang for 'penis' in Brazil, where they speak Portugese), still isn't as strange as the curiously-perverse Ford "Probe", which makes you wonder if perhaps the larger model might have been called the "Colonscopy Town Car." American car namers aren't the only idiots: Toyota introduced its Fiera, in Puerto Rico, fiera means ‘ugly old woman.’ The Rolls Royce has the "Mist" my German friends tell me, Mist means ‘dung, manure, or pile of shit"...but an expensive pile of shit, none the less.


The "Opel Ascona" refers to female genitalia, in Northern Spain and parts of Portugal. Buick launched the "LaCrosse" in Canada without realizing in French-speaking Quebec, the meaning is masturbating teenagers. The Honda "Fitta" in Scandinavia is also a euphemism for the female anatomy. The Mitsubishi "Pajero" in Spanish-speaking countries (again with the self-gratifying male), and the Mazda "LaPuta" is spanish for "whore", although in perhaps it referred to having a solid work ethic, who knows? When Isuzu produced the GIGA 20 "Light Dump"--, I worried that perhaps their new SUV might be the "Constipation", but I was wrong.


But as bad as these names are--just imagine those that might have been--imagine the Suzuki "Rollover", or the Plymouth "Flipper" (inspired by that cute dolphin everybody loves--introduced as an economy model "barracuda"). If Mazda thought the "Puta" would sell, how about a Cadillac "Pimp", or in the sporty small car market, a Honda "Tart", or a Saturn "Satyr". Well, it's obvious this is just too easy and too much fun--pile on--add your proposed disastrous car names on the "tags" section of this image.


Fast Car


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Taken on April 26, 2008