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michael jackson and bubbles | by brennheit bakst
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michael jackson and bubbles

i'm proud to say that our moma astrup fearnley purchased this porcelain marvel by jeff koons for 51 million kroner. that's 18 million euros. isn't it great? it's the biggest porcelain statue in the world. i love jeff koons, he's a crazy . the museum also have this huge photo of his wife - italian pornstar and politician (yes! it's true! she was even in the italian parliament!) ilona staller - sucking his dick in a saccharine wonderland full of plastic flowers while he's standing up tall going ah! against the clear blue sky.

   

kitch art aside, let's talk about michael jackson!

 

after alena and jenko and i started rappin about mj i've become somewhat obsessed with the pop genius nutcase, i'm in the midst of a 700 page long biography and i'm watching youtube videos all day. my neighbours are now accustomed to my frequent "eee-heee!'s and "cha'mone!" eruptions.

so you just like billy jean and some other hits? you mostly associate him with this white ghost maniac who morphes himself on a monthly basis, and snuggles with boys and dangles his children from balconies? well now the time has come for you to delve into his back catalogue! let me open my magic fedora and say CHA'MONE MOTHERFUCKERS!!

 

(well, first of all i want you to see this video from the MTV 1995 music awards. i have seen it a dozen times and i still laugh every time i see it because it's just so damn cool)

 

okay. now that your jaw is open, let's go:

(links removed, but you won't have a hard time finding these albums)

  

off the wall (1979)

this is his fifth album but normally considered his debut. the opening cut is "don't stop til you get enough", and if you don't like that song i can't help you, please check out my other stuff like the nietzsche chocolate or those kids with blue tounges or some of my more generic stuff. this album features michael's best singing and i think it's a nice place to start.

 

thriller (1982)

oh i think you've heard of this one. it's only the most-selling album of all time! 104 millions. jesus christ. remember how everyone and their grandmother bought that shitty californication album by the red hot chili peppers? well, that sold 15 millions. this album is full of hits. literally, actually: only two songs on thriller were not top 10 singles. at this point mj was the biggest pop star since elvis, and when you see his groundbreaking music videos it's not hard to see why.

 

bad (1989)

okay, this is where mj began to go crazy. i mean... bad? you're a street punk now? you wear black leather and chains? you're WHITE now? no michael, just no. but at the same time, yes! because this album contains more eee-hee than any of the others and i loves me some eee-hee. cha'mone.

 

dangerous (1991)

i think this is a very underrated album, his 3rd best after off the wall and thriller. the beats are completely off the hook. i was amazed at how modern the sound is, more often than not it sounds totally contemporary, like something timbaland wishes he did (this specifically goes for the second cut. damn). anyway, it contains jam and black or white. and err, heal the world. at this point i'm so into michael that i can actually stomach heal the world! well at least until the second octave raise where the children come in. so i guess i can't entirely stomach it, but i don't hate it

  

it's time to dance. put on your black brogues, sparkling socks and slick fedora.

and don't forget your sequined glove! eee-heee

  

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Taken on November 13, 2007