The joke is on me
You must read to be able to understand:
for awhile I thought this would be better
I could play happy and twist my smile,
paint my face, look generally okay.
But I am rotten, as the dead root of a tree,
that will soon cause the whole thing to collapse.
And for some reason I thought you'd fix me.
But the truth is, it is better to remove the root,
then to attempt to fix it.
Which is what you did,
you used me to grow your tree,
your tree of lies, of lust,
it grew and grew and I struggled,
I wanted to help you grow.
And when I did,
when you were grown,
you tore me out, discarded me.
Threw me away, the rotten root.
Guess the joke was always
edit// I'm putting an outtake in the comments just because I couldn't choose.