Radioactive Pointilist Cricket with Fish (looks good on black)
This is my latest masterwork, somewhat different than most things I do. This was a joint radiological/biological/artistic/photographic project.
First, I had to breed a cricket to be as large as you see here (he is life-sized in the photo) Doing so is no mean feat, I'll tell you. Generation after generation of the little guys, growing ever larger until they achieved the precisely perfect size.
I then selected the most beautiful and well mannered of the lot, as the bass with whom he had to pose was a bit intolerant, as you can imagine.
I injected both creatures with various radioactive isotopes and carefully monitored them to know when they arrived at the right level of 'heat'. Fish and crickets have very different metabolisms, so I had to do the injections judiciously.
Once they were "all het up" as they say where I came from, I then sprinkled them with EXTREMELY precise amounts of powder, consisting of finely ground gold dust, alum, cilantro and extract of newt spleen.
I had to proceed quickly with the painting. No, I didn't paint them, as in applying the paint directly to them. That would have been far too easy and would have detracted from the overall magnificence of the project. I actually took easel, canvas, brushes and pallet in hand and produced a marvelous painting, a photograph of which you see before your amazed and dazzled eyes.
I had to move quickly with the painting because the cricket and fish... well, they were in no condition to linger. They were going to explode at any minute.
So, I speedily painted this unbelievably fabulous painting, put fish and cricket outside, a safe distance from my laboratory/studio, to do whatever radioactive fish and crickets do. Then, I grabbed my trusty camera and snapped this photo, which if I may say so myself, leaves all other photographers in the metaphorical dust. A couple of explosions went off while I was doing this but, with my rock-solid nerves of steel, there is not so much as a hint of blur in the photo.
There, that is the story of how this all came about.