When Swine Flew: The Baconic Plague
MSNBC: Hey, how's your swine flu coverage going?
CNN: Oh man, it's grueling. Trying to fill 24 hours of airtime with a story about basically a fever and a cough, I mean you know. It's tough. If our viewers aren't panicked, we lose them to Law&Order reruns within minutes. So we've had to get pretty drastic, taking everything out of context, forcing the experts to talk "worst case scenario", all that kind of stuff.
MSNBC: Yeah I hear you. I love how you guys keep using pictures of Mexicans in face masks with your local stories. Totally makes it seem like where you're actually talking about, California or Nebraska or wherever, that everyone was wearing masks there.
CNN: I know! Turns out we get a 10% retention bump whenever we show them before a commercial. But you guys totally topped us. I saw that bumper yesterday, where you told people swine flu would make their eyes bleed, unless they stay for the break to find out how to stop it!
MSNBC: Well, we didn't say swine flu made eyes bleed, we just had pictures of pigs and some guy with bleeding eyes. Not our fault if our viewers jumped to conclusions. heh.
CNN: Right, of course. But the best bit was when you came back on-air, and the "prevention" was "don't poke your eyes with sharp objects." I was rolling on the floor. roll-ing.
MSNBC: Yeah that was fun. But you know, I heard if we ever have a real health crisis we'd be fucked. Our entire food service industry, basically, isn't allowed to take sick time if they're sick. I mean, think about that. All this talk about closing a single school, have they even thought about how many people cycle through a McDonald's in an average day?
CNN: Wow. That's kind of a.. wow. That could be a really big deal. Man, you should do a story on that.
MSNBC: Can't. We're holding onto it for fall sweeps.
larger one here.