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Love Yourself! [066/365] | by Angela Mary Butler
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Love Yourself! [066/365]

I've wanted to do a photo like this since I have seen the lovely Alibubba's shot like this.

 

It's a tribute really, that I took my own direction with.

It is difficult for some people to love themselves for who they are, truly. It's only been getting easier for me within the past year or so. When I was younger, in middle school and high school I really did think the worst I possibly could of myself. I believed I was ugly, I thought I was fat, I didn't accept one thing about myself, and I used to write about how much I hated life, and everything I did aspired from me hating everything. It was a horrible way to be living life. I think all of these thoughts happened from a lot of different things…

When I was a child, I was really happy. I had an amazing childhood, I spent every single day with my family…and by family I don't mean just mom and dad. I mean, mom, dad, all my aunts, all my uncles, all my cousins, there was always a huge crowd around, especially since my grandparents lived downstairs…this amazing family life I lead totally shut down when I was going into grade 8. My parents split up because of drugs, and then no one came around anymore. My grandparents moved out, and the only person I had was mom. Every single person on my Dad's side of the family besides my Dad stopped speaking to my mom and I, because they were so angry about everything. This took a huge toll on how I saw myself. I --being a kid-- thought that everyone didn't talk to me anymore because I was bad, because of something I did. So, from grade 8-grade 11, I was depressed really. But believe it or not, when I got Cancer, everything turned around for me. I got diagnosed with cancer when I was 17, and was diagnosed cancer free also when I was 17. It only lasted about 8 months, but those 8 months were life changing- and not just for the obvious reasons.

My Dad's side of the family started to come around a lot, making me feel overjoyed with happiness, I started getting special treatment from people, and it made me feel amazing. But as time went by, I had less and less visitors, and less and less support. Now don't get me wrong- support was still there, a tremendous amount of it to be exact, just not as much as there was initially. My mom had to work more, my friends had to work and obviously were having their own fun (summer), and it's not like I expected people to be in the hospital with me all the time, but I was spending a lot of time in the hospital alone. I was on steroids as well, which gave me insomnia, so that was even more time spent alone with myself.

All this time I had alone with myself in the hospital, in my bed, in my room, walking around town, was extremely beneficial to me. I realized I don't need anyone else to be happy, and I shouldn't depend on other people to keep me happy. The thing that I need most in life to keep me happy, and keep supporting me, is me. You can't be dependent on other people for everything, especially when it comes to how you feel about yourself. You need to tell yourself that you are beautiful before you expect to hear it from anyone else…because as much as some people may not want to hear this, you can't really be loved by someone else fully, until you learn to love yourself. It's difficult I know, but with strength, and by believing yourself you can do it.

 

So, this is me. I have learned to love it, every bit of it. Every freckle, every strand of hair, every tear, and every mistake. We are all people in the end, we're really not all that different from each other. Breath in, and remember you are you. Love every bit of it, or at least try. ♥

 

A big thank you goes out to my room mate Jessica for helping me out with this shot! Love you girl!

 

Text on my hands:

(left hand fingers from left to right)

Loud, Survivor, Photographer, outgoing, artist.

Emotional, Pianist, Blue eyes, NOT a morning person, only child, art student, artist

 

(right hand from left to right)

Strong, creative, singer, Newfie, silly, colourful, crazy, bad at sarcasm, only child(wrote twice, oops!), geek, happy, nice, goofy

 

xx

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Taken on March 8, 2011