'One day you fall for this boy. And he touches you with his fingers. And he burns holes in your skin with his mouth. And it hurts when you look at him. And it hurts when you don’t. And it feels like someone’s cut you open with a jagged piece of glass.'
sorry it's been a while, I have no excuses apart from my own lazyness and the fact I havn't really had anything going on in my life that i've been willing to share with the internet world. Most of my images so far have been personal to me and an insight of my own life, and sometimes there's things I havn't been able to face up to or admit to, until now. I was faced with a dilemma of a love affair or losing someone I cared a great deal about, and it was bollocks. Deep down I knew it wasn't real, I could believe inside my own head that it was something beautiful and meaningful, but that's the problem, people don't always see eye to eye, and people don't always want the same things out of a relationship - a friend relationship or something stronger. It hurts when you can't stand to not have them in your life at all, but being just on friend terms is just as painful and it's hard to let yourself be free of it, everything turns into a memory with strings attached to him. I think that's my problem, I can never see what is friendship and what is more, and neither of us are right in the situation, but at the same time neither are wrong, and somewhere you have to draw the line and decide whether you can accept them in your life as nothing but close friends and whether or not it will turn into an unhealthy addiction. The reality of losing who could have, in your own mind, been potentially one day the love of your life and losing a close friend at the same time is a painful choice, and for a while it feels like little pieces of yourself are disappearing. The longer you hold onto the situation, the more the strings tighten, and the more it starts to tear you apart and break you, to see them with other potential partners and not being able to hold them how you want to, and sometimes you have to take one quick painful rip and let yourself be free.
sorry for yet another emotional rant, i've just realised how much i've actually missed you flickr!