The only moment is Now.
The only way to describe how i feel, is happy. I feel like im starting to arrive back to me. FINALLY! I know now that i didnt lose myself, i just lost being in touch with myself and the stillness under all that chitter chatter that is my mind!
After a lot of soul sundays and reading etc, ive just started to remember what it feels like to be in touch with the moment and myself. Ill write this and let the chips fall where they may. I made the decision to make myself the priority and part of that was shifting my perception on people in my life who i had been giving my power away to, if you will. People who i would let myself get either carried away with, ignore my instincts or just be their options. As soon as i made that decision, my entire life shifted to a place of just pure happiness. i figured if i could live in that moment for just a few moments, than why cant i live in that moment always?
I recently watched, Jill Bolte Taylor, and miranne williamson on an oprah interview (separately) and they made excellent points that basically we just create our own hell by re running the circuit over and over again. That really we have the choice to create our own world, happiness, life if we just make up our mind to change our minds (thoughts) when the triggers come along. Gary zukov (i think it was him), goes on to say that basically we create our own realities in using, "I am" statements. I am perfect health, i am pure love, and acting "as if". I do really believe that this is true, only because it makes SO much sense to me.
I think we are here to (and in no order of importance) 1) to have experiences which we learn- thus fulfilling our karma, good/bad, 2) to become self aware and to learn how to knowingly create our experiences 3) serve others and make the world a better place through the talents we are given.
So.. i dont really need a relationship with someone else, and right now im sooo happy to be single, im having the most amazing time learning to love myself again, sounds weird i know! I dont need to "find" my career, hobbies or people. These things will just fall in to place when i am ready to experience them.
And if i look at my life, they always have, all i had to do was be ready for them.
In another 3-4 months i have to move again. My landlords daughter, and my friend is pregnant and so she will be moving in here, and in return i will probably move into her old place with her brother. As much as i am really really really disappointed with having to leave my little home that ive come to love dearly, if i look at the bigger picture, i am thankful that it has provided me with a space where i was able to come back to me, and maybe there is a reason that i have to move again. Its so much easier to look at the bigger picture and realize that all situations and experiences are just small snapshots in your life.
For example i came to realize that my entire 6 years with james, has taught me Forgiveness. Forgiveness of myself, and of others (most def him and Christina, who i wish well everyday). I wouldnt take back any part of the whole experience, because i wouldnt be who i am today and know the things i know now, if i hadnt have gone through it. I do have to thank all those that were involved in having taught me one of life's greatest lessons. It also taught me that sometimes, it takes a whole lots of times before you can learn one lesson. And when youre ready to let it go, is when you will finally get it.
With that i bid you all a very good week. xo