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misguided / ˌmɪsˈgaɪdɪd/

agg.

[strategy] incauto;

[attempt] maldestro;

[politicians, teacher] malconsigliato.

 

Concise Oxford Paravia Italian Dictionary © 2009 Pearson Paravia Bruno Mondadori spa e Oxford University Press:

 

After reading your words I cryed for hours last night. I searched in the dictionary the word "misguided" but probably is too much for my brain to understand. The most significant sign came from my body: an overwhelming nausea that lasted for hours, until this early morning I fell asleep for exhaustion. Of course I know that now you're not coming anymore here to read my words, and in fact they are not for you.

It's just that I want to write what I'm going through, to fix the mistakes trying not to repeat them again.

 

I know I'm not a bad person.

Actually is exactly the opposite.I'm too compassionate, too sensitive, too much everything. Which lead us directly to my depression. Because, as you very well know, I suffer for depression and this is one of the moments of my life in which is striking very hard.

It's a very happy moment for my family: my sister got married, she's already waiting a baby. And I try to hide the best I can my depression. Which is very hard to do. I spent my summer lying in bed, searching for a little bit of your attention, and the more I searched, the more you became distant.

I want to be clear: I'M NOT ACCUSING YOU OF ANYTHING.

It's not your fault if you're not the special person I thought you could be for me. And I'm too hungry for love and attention to be balanced.

Only one thing I understood I can learn from your email last night, in which you told me that now the only priority is your healing process: I can learn to be less selfish. I understand you, but at the same time I hope to be able not to be like you. I want to learn to be a better person, I want to learn to find solutions that include my well being without dumping the other's in the dust bin.

I've asked you only a small sign here on flickr, and you simply ignored it.Why suddendly it became so difficult to be a little generous for you?

However, in few days my life will have a completely new start and it will help me to forget about all this quicker.Unfortunately I know very well that is not going to be so quick as I hope.I hope to be the change that I didn't see happening in you.

 

To my flickr's friends: thank you for all the messages to ask me how I was.As you could see I'm not very fine, but thank you for your comments, your visits, and for -in a way- sharing my burden with me.Thank you.

 

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Taken on August 15, 2011