• and here are the magic numbers - tayloredphotos
  • *furrows her brow, not at andy... but the friggin numbers that just WON'T go away... throws hands up in defeat*

Day 306: Money Changes Everything

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I don't like to talk about money... I don't like to worry about money... I don't like to live my life as if having or not having money is making any huge difference in it...

But, no matter how hard I try to sit back and brush it off... the stark realization that bank account, minus tithe, equals $3 short of rent! kind of sticks a dent into my day... and, try as I may, I can't hide that bleh from those who truly know me!

I hate the fact that the "math" doesn't work. Yet I have to sit back, frugally, and live by faith that it will... That. is hard for me!

The nagging realization that I may have to find myself dipping into my meager 40D savings... aches to no end, and honestly has me stomping around like a three year old who just won't relent on what they know is rightfully theirs. Ack!

And in other news, for those who care, or notice... yes. It's ba-ack! (just when last night I was thinking/reveling to myself that it was over... moving on. *growl*
So I took a picture, and promptly called an understanding friend!)

【Musharraf】™ -- مشرف -- 穆沙拉夫, and 4 other people added this photo to their favorites.

  1. Resim of Saint [deleted] 98 months ago | reply

    Do you really believe that money changes everything? I think, there are many things we have in our life which money can never change.

  2. amanky 98 months ago | reply

    No, I don't believe Money Changes Everything in absolute... it's simply a fitting title for the shot, the day, the moment... and fits my usual song title usage.

  3. my365pix 98 months ago | reply

    Hey, welcome to my side of the world. I sometimes feel like there are little voices in my head yelling "Money doesn't make you AND the lack of money shouldn't wreck you". But, the fact of the matter is, Money is the center of everything I do.

    At least now I am learning to relax more about NOT having it, when I need it.

  4. Miss Emily goes bananas 98 months ago | reply

    Oh wow...don't ever sacrifice the roof over your head for a church. Not that tithing is bad, but don't go homeless over a tithe. Or are you required to tithe that amount? Anyway, just take care of yourself. I don't wnant to see you wandering the streets someday!

    Seen on my Flickr home page. (?)

  5. amanky 98 months ago | reply

    how did I know that such a response would arise.... ugh. I've never been required by anyone, anything, or any entitiy for any amount. I have a personal conviction to tithe appropriately, and truly don't feel that any of it is really my money to begin with. And frankly, a huge part of my struggle in this very moment was doing such math... and it not really adding up. But I knew/felt that I had to swallow my understanding and faithfully write out that check then and there... or it would only fight with me more. So I did.
    and to be perfectly honest... I now get to sit back and see it all come together, however that looks.
    and ftr: I'm pretty sure He's already taken care of it... brought tears to my eyes, and huge humbleness, but yeah, He's good!

    I'm sorry you have to deal with any of that... not fun, and so much to learn!

  6. DorothySH 98 months ago | reply

    I hate to admit, but I must agree with Emily One must have faith that God will provide and he knows when and how; however, when it comes down to tithing and paying rent, well, I would pay rent. I belive in the taking care of the church and it's followers with the proper donation; however, as a church treasurer, I have to say I find it difficult at times as to what I see the money going to. One has to have faith, but one must provide a roof over your head as well.

  7. amanky 98 months ago | reply

    so... in these reactions/responses, are you seriously thinking that I'm somehow NOT paying my rent/keeping said roof over my head? 'Cause that's NOT the case...
    I mean, I hate to enter into debate mode. But this is something I feel very strongly about, and there's no one who could/should convince me otherwise. Again, I have a personal conviction of how this all goes down in my life, responsibilities, finances, priorities, etc.

    I couldn't even begin to count the times in life that I found myself dolling out a tithe or offering, only to realize or know that that meant rent or food or transportation surely could not be afforded... and yet, everytime I've still remained fed, mobile, and housed!? In fact, it's only when I try to weasel myself into thinking it's all mine... mine all mine, and I know best... that anything has truly arrived at the scariest cusp of NOT making ends meet. yeah... that.

    I guess I just want to reiterate. I abhor talking about money... I hate running around as if I have loads to spare... I detest tiptoeing about it all, as if I can't spare a single dime... I prefer to simply go about my life as wisely and frugally as I usually do, with the random necessary indulgances here and there without wincing.

    I share/d this specific circumstance, more than anything, as an excersize in truth, reality, and vulnerability... honestly documenting the fact that this unexpected turn seriously brought me to tears... and I hate that *stomping foot* It really shouldn't be so dire, and I know that. I know that I shouldn't find myself in such a situation... I know that God will provide, as He always has... I know that there are bigger issues in this world, and even my own life/surroundings... I know I can choose to NOT tithe... I know I can dive into my meager savings... I know I can live another 12 years without a real DSLR, despite my wanting to have my own now... I know he is in control... I know I'm completely misunderstood as a whole... but in the end, I know what I need to do for my own sanity... and so that is what I do!

    (and on a small note as to "where" any of said tithed/offered/donated monies might go... I can see folks and frustration in all that regard, at the same time I like to remember that I can only do what I know I need to do and if someone else chooses to misuse that, that is between them and God! Same can be said for all sorts of things/circumstances. If I chose to live on the what if/I know best in all circumstances... then no one would ever get anywhere. and I better just shut up on all that for now, ack!)

  8. cecilnhou2 98 months ago | reply

    "I know I'm completely misunderstood as a whole">>>>>>>>

    Maybe not dear. It is your right to tithe, and you know $3 is easy to come by. But at the same time you know the Flickr forum so you had to know the mere mention of the word would bring up sparks. But there again, we all have the right to share here what ever we feel at the moment. Anyway dear, the shot is great, and this too shall pass...so chin up and off you go to take more pics for us to see and debate about!

  9. amanky 98 months ago | reply

    "... take more pics for us to see and debate about!" I guess I just feel like there is a time and a place for debating... and maybe it's just me, but a picture someone is sharing in the midst of difficulty and vulnerability... isn't it. heck... dare I say perhaps flickr isn't it (I have plenty of enjoyment in this place sans debate!) Mind you this is a picture, not the forums or even a group thread./discussion... oyg!

    HeavenForbid we choose to see people where they are at commiserate, and/or even walk on can we not simply encourage/support. *shrug* I guess I just pick my battles SO much it's strange to me that such is a response.

    *moving on*

  10. Valorian 98 months ago | reply

    I totally, seriously, understand where you're coming from! And while we don't pay rent ('cos we live w/ my parents, grrr) we are still short on money and we have like, next to no bills... (Did you know diapers are $20/box no matter how many are in them?! It stinks!) We're still tithing even though we can't afford it 'cos God will totally provide! It's like the lady who gave her last little bit of money (in Mark 12:41). We don't have to tithe but we do it out of obedience, know what I mean?

  11. Miss Emily goes bananas 98 months ago | reply

    Sheesh. All I want is for my friends to be safe and healthy. It IS your money. You earn it, you spend it. If ytou really feel like you need to tithe, fine. But I think it's irresponsible to put yourself in danger just for a church. God doesn't live in a church anyway. And If you're irritated with me, don't get all gushy on me over on my stream. Pick one emotion or the other.

    I guess it's cause Dad always told me that God wants us to love and serve him, and JUST as importatly, to be responsible and take care of yourself and your family and important life things. What good can we do if we aren't safe and healthy?

    Guess what. God doesn't always provide. Gasp. Sometimes, people just get in bad situations and have to deal with it and be miserable. God doesn't always jump in and save you at the last minute. The world is harsh and God doesn't step in to make it all better. Whichi is actually a good thing, because to micromanage us is to take away our freedom. People fool themselves into thinking everything will always work out just because people tell them God provides. if it lets you sleep at night, that's great, but in the end some situations are out of your control and you have to deal with the way you've lived your life (not yours specifically, this is a general "you") and God has nothing to do with it.

    Seen in my recent comments. (?)

  12. amanky 98 months ago | reply

    Em, I really am not sure what to say... had I an issue specifically with you or your response you would know... I would delete it, call you, or call you out directly... that's just how I roll, and I would hope you might know that by now, then again... maybe not.

    I really do enjoy/relish the fact that despite how we aren't always on the exact same page we can usually at the least understand where each other is, take it for that, and continue on. I really do treasure you, and your friendship. You are an amazing and complex being, and I love to see and hear how your mind works!

    Again I will reiterate, I have never "put myself in danger" "just for a church"... number one, I haven't always tithed to a particular church, yet I have always tithed. secondly, I can see that you may not agree, however the Bible I read, the God I know, and the reality I live in... prove time and time again that God does, indeed, provide. What that provision looks like for each of us may be different, but it is a promise He has made and keeps. And I guess the difference between that and "jumping in and saving at the last minute" is really where the deal-breaker might be... I don't believe He's in the business of getting us out of our own messes either!

    and, um... were I irritated with you, I probably wouldn't find myself in your stream, let alone commenting.
    Again, please know such is not the case...

    *feeling very Rodney King at the moment*

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