Day 259/365 ~ Shyness is Nice and Shyness Can Stop You from Doing All the Things in Life You'd Like To [Explored!]
October 24, 2011.
Featured on the Flickr blog March 21, 2012. Thank you :)
This is one of my wonderful friends and her Polaroid
Thank you Tane for the testimonial <3
I used to think that I was just merely one of those people who preferred being alone. Or that I was unfriendly, or slightly segregated from the rest - something along those lines, something that would explain the discomfort I felt in social situations, the tenseness when I had to meet someone new, the fear of standing up in front of a large audience to speak.
Then people told me, quite simply, that I was shy. That was all.
And I managed to accept it, after that. Couldn't look someone in the eyes? That was fine, I was shy. Dislike public speaking? That was okay, it was still considered being shy. I was scared of meeting new people, hated plunging into huge groups and crowds, persistently refused to look at anyone in the eyes, would rather walk into a door than walk into a classroom full of people who, I knew, would lift their heads up and gaze at me.. in the few seconds they were probably wondering, 'Who is that girl' I would process the fear of being judged, the fear of being stared at, sick awkwardness and tension. Basically, everything unpleasant.
If you're shy, you, too, would understand all those feelings. The unspoken social pressures of being able to fit in, being able to be accepted, avoiding public humiliation, avoiding so many things. So, so many things. It stops me from approaching people, talking to strangers, looking friendly, appearing confident, speaking publicly, and so on. I wonder sometimes if that is why I have somehow fallen into the world of photography, because holding a camera on the pretext of capturing a moment also acts as an opaque shield for my emotions. I think of all the people who don't know the reasons, who don't know in essence who I really am, who just think of me as 'that photographer'.. that reminds me again of how passing quick judgement on someone just causes you to lose a person who you might have known, but never bothered to find out. They have lost me, in that sense.