Europe According to Bulgaria

Produced by AlphaDesigner's Political Design Buro. Sense of humor highly recommended.

  • Sofia 6y

    Brilliant! :) But maybe "Proto americans" should be something along the lines of "Drinking tea with the queen" :)
  • straho 6y

    Turkey: The permanent oppressor, they always want to invade us and we hate them to the guts. We've been part of their territory for 500 years, they've slaughtered our people in a most violent way, they've tried to destroy our culture, they took blood taxes and raping/killing/torturing/etc. were just everyday events. All this with the approval of countries like France and England.

    Macedonia: We think that this country is actually a part of Bulgaria, but for some strange turn of history events (not without the help of the "Great powers") they've created their own country. They speak our language, tens of thousands of them are wanting Bulgarian passports, but they think they are the heirs of Alexander The Great (laughable). The fault for this is heavily in their history books which are stealing Bulgarian and Greek history, twisting it into their own.

    Greece: A place for shopping, holidays and work. We owned their ass at war and their football team many times after that. The olympic games came from there. They have many gods like Zeus. They break dishes when they're drunk. Ouzo and olives comes from there. They're better than us, but we don't admit it.

    Cyprus: We see it as a part of Greece. Bulgarians go to work there, sometimes on a vacation as well.

    Serbia: We love 'em and we hate 'em. We love them, because of their culture and language - it's very, very close to ours. And they can curse like us! We hate them, because in the past they've tried to take over our country, and not once or twice. Of course we always kicked their ass.

    Romania: Gypsies. And they own a part of our territory - North Dobrudzha. We had to give it to them because at the end of WWII Stalin decided that we fought on Germany's side and not on theirs. But I'll take on this subject a little bit later.

    Moldova: Bulgarians live there.

    Ukraine: Like Russia but different, we don't know how.

    Belarus: Russians.

    Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia: You're actually right about this one.

    Russia: Loved them in the past, hating them now. Our love for Russia started when they were trying (and succeeded) to free us from the Ottoman Empire (now Turkey). After that it's all going down, most of all during WW1, WW2 and communism. During WW2 the German army were at our borders and demanded an answer - are we with them are should they invade us. Before that we tried to stay neutral. Our ruler decided that it's better for the country to join Germany. We never, not once fought for them. When Russia's army came we greeted them with salt and bread (a warm welcoming tradition of ours). After that our army fought for their side to suppress the nazis. When the war was over it was for the Great Powers to decide wether we fought for them or for the nazis. Stalin had the final word. He said that we fought for the nazis. Oh, and btw - they're using our alphabet (it was spread among their nation while our people were spreading Christianity - it was written in cyrillic so they had to learn it, and the more our religion went into their souls, the more they learned our language). I think we all know about the horrors of communism, so I won't go into details there. After the fall of the regime they're trying to fuck us up on every deal. Some people still love them, mostly the elders, because they're taught all their lives that Russia is the best.

    Finland: Good vodka.

    Sweden: We hate them - their football team always beats ours. Other than that - gorgeous women.

    Norway: Very cold. The vikings once lived there.

    Denmark: Hans Christian Andersen. Hamlet. We don't know anything else about this country (note: when I say "we" I mean "the most of us").

    Poland: A slavic border. WW2 started there. Close to Russia.

    Slovakia: We watched their movies during communism. They're slavic.

    Hungary: Very strange language.

    Albania: Their people are slow (like, thinking). We always reference them as the weakest nation.

    Bosnia and Herzegovina: There's war there! It's like a local Columbia.

    Croatia: Good for tourism.

    Slovenia: Slavic border.

    Austria: Vienna! They're actually German, but they have their own country. Often mistaken for Australia.

    Czech Republic: Good beer, good football team, good women. A slavic border.

    Germany: We go to their universities and worship their cars, mostly BMW, Volkswagen and Mercedes. Everybody hates their language and everybody speaks it. We beat their ass at the 1994 Football (as in foot + ball, not hand + egg) World Cup. They're mean and they invented the beer.

    Netherland: Beautiful flowers. Especially when high! Amsterdam and Ajax (the football team). Especially when high!

    Belgium: A part of France, but with German culture. The Europen Union central is there. We hope that they'll kick our politicians' ass and make our country worth living in.

    Luxembourg: A very small country. Everybody beats them at football.

    France: Paris, the Eiffel Tower, fashion, The Louvre, Champs-Élysées, Napoleon, Jeanne d'Arc, The three musketeers. Everybody kicks their ass. We beat their football team in 1993. We go there for shopping and sight-seeing.

    Switzerland: Chocolates! Green medows, blue lakes, white mountains! And cows. Lots of cows. And a marmot wraps a chocolate into foil. Oh, and something about precise timing. Probably in connection with chocolate.

    Italy: Our people! High five! We love their people, their country, their football! The most popular woman's name is the same: Maria. We use the same word for "goodbye". They're like us but in a better country. And of course, pizza!

    United Kingdom: We call it England. The most beautiful football. Always rains there. The finest education in Europe, but costs alot. Cheap clothes. They have a queen. Their soldiers don't move while on duty. Their language is the most popular in the world (including Bulgaria). They're a cold nation and have ugly women. They have English humour, but we just call it humour. Robin Hood lived there.

    Ireland: We think of them as a part of England. They fight alot, have red hair and drink alot. For some strange reason they worship green.

    Spain: Most of our people abroad are there to work. They have a great football. They worship our Stoichkov as a god. They had conquistadors and inquisition. Beautiful women, gay men.

    Portugal: We know it's a great country, but we don't know why. Their name is strikingly similar to our word for the fruit orange (portokal). Their national football team is supposed to be great, but if asked, we wouldn't remember anything about it.


    Hopefully this will be of help for your next creation :)
  • alphadesigner 6y

    Човек, аз съм българин, майтапех се. :))

    Просто избрах малко по-лек подход, за да е по-весело. Щото тия неща и без тва си ги знаем, а и някои от тях не предизвикват усмивки. :)

    Oh, yes. But after the crisis hit, it's slowly turning back to a Siesta land again. :))

    Yes, there are many options when it comes to the UK. ;)
  • Eddie Clarke 6y

    @straho - please don't call the United Kingdom England, you'll bring the wrath of the Scots and Welsh down on your head!

    The UK is made up of England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland.

    At present, the UK is unravelling. If the Conservatives win the next election, as seems likely, then it is entirely possible Scotland might leave the UK and become an independent country.

    Then England and Scotland will have a big fight over who gets custody of the last few drops of oil left in the North Sea.
  • alphadesigner 6y

    He knows that, he was just pointing out most people in Bulgaria call the entire UK "England". And I can tell you, that isn't going to change anytime soon. "Unified Kingdom" is way too long for a casual conversation and we don't have the habit of using abbreviations. :)
  • straho 6y

    @artwerk, хаха :)) ясно ;) Би било готино, обаче, ако артист като теб направи една карта с истинските имена на нещата. Не като онова произведение на онзи чех, да речем :) Да знаят ЕС с какво си имат работа (giggle)

    @hedgiecc, Artwerk is correct :) We're also used to calling the black people "niggers", but we don't mean it in any harsh way - it's just our word for black people.
  • alphadesigner 6y

    Абе мислил съм по въпроса, а и някои приятели ме навиват, ама ше ми трябват няколко пощенски кутии за хейт-мейла дето ше го получа, после 10 лв за нов паспорт, пластичната операция просто не знам колко ше струва, а и нямам имот някъде извън регулация в Родопите, та да се скрия безопасно. :)

    Оня чех е по-богат от мене, даеба! ;)
  • straho 6y

    Споко ;) То нали знаеш, че проблемът е да го каже чужденец. Ако излезе от нашенец проблеми няма - ние си се знаем :))
  • Bambam78_E 5y

    You are brilliant..-.----
  • TheVRChris 5y

    Hi, I'm an admin for a group called Thematic Mapping, Graphs and Geodata Visualization, and we'd love to have this added to the group!
  • MBU61 5y

    You only see Turkey as Kapalıçarşı? Oh guy, you should think too much;) By the way u have a good sense of humour and great illustrations.
  • Ferad Zyulkyarov 4y

    Great work - very correct. This is about my country - Bulgaria :)
  • alphadesigner 4y

    Thanks. It's mine as well. :)
  • Bambam78_E 4y

    alphadesigner Ferad Zyulkyarov No fights.... there is Bulgaria for all! =) hehehee
  • Alice Wonderland 4y

    "Russia: Loved them in the past, hating them now. Our love for Russia started when they were trying (and succeeded) to free us from the Ottoman Empire (now Turkey). After that it's all going down, most of all during WW1, WW2 and communism."

    "going down" who? You wished we took Germany side in WW1 and WW2 to please Bulgaria? Sorry :o))))))
    I would define Bulgaria as "relatives who don't get along with Turks but do get along with Germans" :o))))) Fact of life is in spite of all nice words Bulgaria always takes Germany side and always will. Any one of you, admirers of Russia included.
    We don't blame you for that, but are quite philosophical about it. that's how things are, how to say. Never heard a bad word about Bulgarians in Russia in 45 years, so kind of amazed that the young generation hates us. It is not mutual, that's why I wonder.

    I think you young practical ones can be angry that we held your development during 40 years of occupation. You compare yourself with your favourite Germany :o))))))) or France and can't but not get angry with Russia, kind of "if not for them -we would be the same."
    I think you 're wrong in that; when USSR occupied Eastern Europe it was backwoods.
    Sorry to say, but I don't think we spoiled much. And you were not a colony, we kept you and you lived better than we did ourselves. You perfectly well know that for any Russian time USSR a trip to Bulgaria or elsewhere in Eastern Europe was a trip to foreign paradise, a rare treasure, a short award to go to the place where there is food in the shops and clothes and what not. That's not a typical metroply-colony exploitation relation :lo))))))
    Sorry we couldn't give you more, but you had all that we had. And more. Yes, lousy infrustructure we built you compared with the Western one, but we couldn't any better.
    It is not because we exploited you or wished you bad in any way, or thought you inferior in any respect. Quite the opposite. Can be that your "elders" who actually lived with "the horrors of communism", unlike yourself - have a point in liking Russia.
    BTW no "communism". We were always promised by the Communist party that it will start in another 20 next or so years :o)))))))), money will be cancelled, and other wonders, but we never actually lived to the stage :o)))))) Got bankrupted by competing military with the USA far before :o)))))) And keeping heaps of countries in Eastern Europe and in Africa and whole Cuba and who not - anyone who would agree to be counted "communistic". Because FOC absolutely no one ever agreed ;o))))))) And then we were lonely such idiots in the world :o)))))
    Just try to spend 40 per cent of country's revenue on competing with the USA, and keep afloat 14 USSR republics plus Eastern Europe plus half Africa. I will see how you won't kick the bucket :o)))))) in this life style.
    Anyway, you are managed by EU these 22 yrs, that's half term of Russian occupation of 40. Let's talk in 18 yrs and see what shining heights you have achieved with the better system.

    With the alphabet - plain silly. What, do you want royalties for that, for the past 1,000 years?
    Great alphabet of yours, no doubt, we are thankful and all.
    Let me point you out that you have also used it for the same thousand years, and it matters not whose letters you've got but what you did with these 32 letters.
    I think we have used them not bad.
    Don't understand the reason for your unhappiness, eh, alphabetically ;o)))

    Finally, that Gazprom is a hard case to drive a good bargain with I believe you ;o)))))
    But, firstly, Gazprom is not Russians, I am no more fan of it than you are. Have absolutely no profits of it :o))))))), it's not meant for people. We are not Norway here or Saudi Arabia, and the system of country's wealth distribution have changed radically since the socialist times. Of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. This much you must have figured even from a distance.

    Secondly, let me remind you that you have quit us. You are a cut off away slice, managing on your own. Why do you expect preferences from Kremlin? You are your own independent country, and you trade with Gazprom from your own, Bulgarian weight.

    Either way. I have not seen one Bulgarian alive :o))))), so I am fittingly full of, those? in this calendar? superstitions? and I would define you as "relatives who do get along/don't" see above, or "pickled cucumbers" :o))))))))) (your produce beloved here), or "Bulgarian peppers" (sweet pepper name in Russia), or simply "rose" by analogy with Hollannd; if Holland is "tulips" you are definitely "roses".
  • alphadesigner 4y

    Wow, do you address me as a Bulgarian in this comment or is it someone else? :)
  • Tudor Andrei Vrabie 4y

    straho We do not own a part of your territory, Dobrogea is ours since "the beginning of time". Only 2,5% of our population are gypsies, in Bulgaria 4,7% of the population are gypsies (the most in the world).
  • alphadesigner 4y

    "The beginning of time" is a very fluid concept, Andrei. It involves a big bang, the creation of the first hydrogen atom, the first star, etc. To say that any country, be it Romania or Bulgaria, has a given right to own any territory is kind of absurd. I think it's way better to have open borders and go wherever we all want to go. Nationalism is so last century. :)
  • Tudor Andrei Vrabie 4y

    Yep, you're right. :) Great maps, by the way, I heard about them for the first time on TV.
  • qiqatxu 3y

    actually the picture shows how dum some bulgarians can be, but it is common for all people!
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