A special message from Jorgan teucH, CXO of Aweall Corp.
This is Jorgan teucH, CXO of Aweall Corp. I'm pleased to make the following announcement:
To improve customer delight, we're firing (also known as "rightsizing") all our stupid* and mean "customers"!
Our stockholders, board, and cats may question "OMG WHY???" Let me explain: stupid and mean people are bloated with slop. They burden us by wasting our time, energy, money, and love — which makes less resources available for good customers. That lessens the probability of customer delight, let alone satisfaction, from being attained.
The customer is certainly not always right, but we can have the RIGHT CUSTOMERS who find pleasure within us too. (Oh yes!)
Let me also reassure you: I'm aware all of us have bad days. But when someone exhibits a chronic and degenerative history of being a jerk/douchebag/asshat to others, specifically abusing our staff, they're not right for us, and certainly not nice human beings.
* I shall also define "stupid" NOT as "I don't know", but as in "presented an opportunity to benefit, and doesn't".
We pride ourselves at Aweall of having a company culture celebrating being not just efficiently useful, but elegantly fun. And we believe customers that passionately engage these values are right for us, too.
To all of our RIGHT CUSTOMERS, ye've blessed up with your business, and we shall continue to make products and/or services which make us profitable, but only if you feel happy. For that is ultimately what counts.
There'll be a press conference with musical interlude in another hemidemisemiquaver fortnight. Be hearing you.