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I Had To | by lichtbildung
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I Had To

This was literally the first time that I´ve met my father after 11 years(!) of complete silence.


After my parents´divorce we simply weren´t able to talk to each other... too many injuries, to much anger had filled up our hearts.


When I entered his hospital room, the place where my father would die only four days later, I immediately felt the worst pain I´ve ever felt in my life.


The former handsome patriarch, the successful career man, the strict father figure had turned into a lonely, vulnerable earthling.


I HAD TO take care of him!


We, as a society, often talk or write about “first aid” and its importance, but it´s also the “last aid” that matters – it´s a human imperative!


During my childhood, I didn´t get my father to know as good as I wanted to. I the morning he left home, he left his family, went off to work and returned in the late evening – writing and photographing all day long, documenting other people´s life...


This paradox – watching my father being that interested in the life of strangers and not enjoying his own children grow up – characterized our relationship.



When I saw him laying there, I HAD TO take this image (many others followed), that first glimpse of impression, because:


Beside all that morbidity, beside the painful loneliness – there was so much open space for personal interaction... there was a strange aesthetic to it, which I cannot describe, even one year later. His palliative room became a precious treasure!


Finally, we got a room and a time for conversation, for tenderness and solidarity. A complete new definition of being a family!


I´ve spent the following 3 nights and four days, most of the time accompanied by my mother, right at his bed. We lit up the candles at night and had these little but intense talks that should always classify people being a family and not just being a random group of people...


December 12-12-2017, in the late afternoon, my father took his last breath – protected, in my arms.



Anyway, I wanted to share this story with you, because I simply HAD TO... please, never ever forget the importance of the LAST AID!


All his life, my father had been a huge admirer of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe – obviously, my quote of the day has to reflect this passion:



“Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do.” - J.W. von Goethe



Wishing you and the ones you love a wonderful time, dear flickr friends!!! Life is a gift, it really is<3


All my best



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Uploaded on December 11, 2018