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This one is sick and at the vet. No news yet. | by Piper_H
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This one is sick and at the vet. No news yet.

He is the biggest asshole.


He hisses at everyone, but me and Pants.


If he is sitting somewhere... the middle of the floor, in your favorite chair or on your lap... he expects you to accommodate him. Not the other way around. I've nearly broken my neck tripping over him at least a thousand times. He was all "I was here first."


He once attacked my niece for no apparent reason and I'm pretty sure it scared her for life.

And me, that shit was scary.


If he can see the bottom of his bowl he will not stop crying until you put more food in it. He will cry in the middle of the night or when you're in the restroom. It does not matter to him that you might be otherwise occupied. When you finally reach your breaking point and fill his bowl with food he will look at it and walk away without taking a bite. Because he wasn't hungry. He just didn't like you assuming that he wasn't.


He must weigh 15 pounds and when you get comfy on the couch he wants to stand on your chest, blocking your view of the TV, with his feet digging into you like tiny daggers.


If he does not know you really well do not say his name.

In fact? Do not talk in his general direction. It pisses him off.


He eats shoes. Even the pretty ones you save for special occasions.


And he will eat food off of your plate when you aren't looking.


Quite simply put, he is a jerk...


And I love him beyond a rationally acceptable amount.

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Uploaded on April 7, 2011